Translation: French (Canadian) to English
In response to my previous post, a couple of you wrote to me to ask, basically, what the hell was that frog talking about?!?! For your reading pleasure, below is the transcription of the “I am French Canadian” rant. (You can click here if you would like to hear it again instead of read it.):
I AM NOT A CANADIAN
Guy Québecois
(clears throat)
I’m not unemployed or smuggling cigarettes across the border. I don’t eat Pepsi and May West for breakfast. I don’t watch da hockey game doing it doggie-style. And no, I don’t know Claude, Manon, or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue. But I’m sure they all have nice teeth.
I smoke in church. I speak Québecois in joual, not French or English. I pronounce it “tird”, not third. And eating French Fries with cheese makes sense, mon ostie. I believe in a distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it. I believe in language-police, not equal rights. And, calisse, I believe that Club Super-Sex is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire. What the hell, she goes on at ten anyway.
In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than Halley’s comet. I can get beer at the dépanneur, not the convenience store. And maybe I can’t turn right on a red light. But tabarnak, I can go right through it. Because Québec is the world’s largest producer of maple syrup. The home of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine. The land where everybody is shacking up and the legal drinking age is … just a suggestion.
Je m’appelle Guy, and I am not Canadian! Mot, t’a dit, tabarnak, ostie. Merci, salut la vedette.
(Transcribed by Monique Adriaansen, Mel Priddle, & Jon R … and Alan Bick , 2004)
August 9th, 2005 at 11:45 pm
Hey Stolie, thanks for visiting and commenting on my site. I read the words to the “I am not Canadian” speech, and although we hear it regularly here in Quebec, I still get a kick out of it. Canada (Montreal, more specifically) is an amazing place to visit and I encourage you to travel here! Don’t be shy if you have particular questions to ask about, I’d be happy to help out. Anyway, I think your site is very entertaining, so if you don’t mind, I Blogrolled you! :) Thanks again for stopping by. I most certainly will be back!
August 12th, 2005 at 11:11 am
That is so funny
March 24th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
man this is funny my boyfriend is french canadian so i can relate
March 25th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
@ Elisa: I hope to make it up to your corner of the world sometime! :)
@ ARC23: I loved it the first time I heard it.
@ lisa: My ex-fling is, too!
March 10th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Hello there admin I like your blog post
March 12th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Excellent! If I could write like this I would be well chuffed. The more I read articles of such quality as this (which is rare), the more I think there could be a future for the Net. Keep it up, as it were.