Body Parts.
On Sunday, I had brunch with Samirah. Recently, the husband of one of her coworkers grew gravely ill and the coworker gave him one of her kidneys. They were “a match” in more ways than one, apparently.
“But then she didn’t talk about her husband for a long time so everyone in our office worried that he’d gotten sick or something,” Samirah explains. “Finally, someone asked her, and she was like, ‘we got divorced.’”
I gasped. And then, I laughed. It wasn’t funny ha ha, but it was funny in that awkward “I-don’t-know-what-else-to-say-or-do-but-laugh” kind of way. And, although I knew what I was about to say next would sound horrible, I said it anyway, “in the divorce settlement, I would have asked for my kidney back.”
Samirah laughed.
“I’m not joking.”
Actually, I’m not even sure that I would have forked over the kidney in the first place. And, if I did part with it, I would have posed no less one hundred questions beforehand. Is anyone else in your family a match? What if we get divorced? What if, after the surgery, my only remaining kidney fails?
The Kidney Stuff stays with me long enough to later bring it up in casual conversation with my friends Mags and Bro. I tell them that I wouldn’t give my kidney away. They think this is horrible. I joke that the word vital in vital organs must be lost on them both, but I honestly admire their selflessness and genuine kind-heartedness.
“What if I really needed a kidney?” Mags wonders aloud. “What would you say if I called you?”
“I’m telling you now. Don’t call me.” I don’t think she believes me. We’ve known each other 12+ years.
“No, seriously,” she asks, “what would you say?”
“I would tell you to call Bro.” They’ve known each other longer.
Bro, “Gee, thanks. You’re horrible, you know.”
I search for something to rid my feelings of guilt, “I’m an organ donor; doesn’t that count for anything? I signed my eyeballs and every other bit of my body away to science.”
Bro, “Uhh, not me! If you’re an organ donor and you’re in an emergency situation, they don’t try as hard to save your life because they need the organs. I’m not donating.”
I’m confused, “so, as long as you’re living, you’ll hand over a kidney, but if you’re dead or dying, you’re suddenly gonna get stingy?!”
It’s complex. Some of us are organ donors. Some of us donate blood. Some of us would give a vital organ to a loved one (or even a stranger) if they needed it. Me? I’ve donated enough blood to make an army of vampires drool, but I don’t think that I’d give my kidney to anyone except my sister, my two nephews, and maybe a handful of close friends if, in the moment, I truly felt that God willed me to do so. And, if I’m dead, my body isn’t mine anymore so open it, cut it up and take whatever you need to help those who are still living. Hmm, I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on the subject…
August 10th, 2005 at 11:49 am
Aww, thank you for admiring our collective selflessness and kind-heartedness! I admire your honesty! I really do! And your thoughtful consideration of, well, everything! Everyone should have at least one “T” friend. :)
August 10th, 2005 at 12:08 pm
I think I would give up a kidney for someone. I have two…why not share? On the other hand, I have considered that whole…what if my other kidney fails scenario too. I dunno…I guess it depends on how generous and who’s asking. If it was one of my siblings…yeah. They all get a free kidney pass. Other folks would have to be a case by case basis.
August 10th, 2005 at 4:47 pm
I tried so hard not to laugh at the beginning of this post in that same not funny ha ha way that you did. Thanks for the comment and I’ll definitely be back. I’m not sure about the whole donating an organ whilst I’m alive, but I think I’ve become used to the idea of giving them when I pass.
August 10th, 2005 at 10:53 pm
there are obviously risks in donating a kidney, as mentioned you might lose a kidney due to numerous reasons during yr life and believe me the aftermath ain’t anythin pleasent with all the dialysis and medication.
However there are people worth takin the risk for…
August 13th, 2005 at 5:46 am
I wouldn’t give a kidney away to a stranger because I would give it to a family member. What happens if I give it to Joe Blow and then my brother needed it six months later?
August 18th, 2005 at 9:31 am
i’d sell a kidney, but i wouldn’t give it away – i mean, that’s got to hurt? and if someone’s ending up with my kidney, i’m not selfish if i expect a return. nowt extravagant, obviously. but it’s got to be worth a couple of pints…..
November 26th, 2005 at 10:30 am
Have you ever read “My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Picoult? It has an interesting story about a girl being a live donor (of bone marrow, blood, and, ultimately they want her to donate a kidney) for her sister who is ill with a rare form of leukemia. Very interesting and heartbreaking novel.
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:53 am
[...] I die I will donate my entire body — from hair follicles to toenails — to science, but don’t you dare ask me for a fucking kidney while I’m still [...]
January 8th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
[...] told me one of her coworkers gave her sickly husband a kidney … then the dude left her. Read my blog post about it here. Back then, I joked: “in the divorce settlement, I would have asked for my kidney back.” I [...]