The “Third Date” Rule
Everyone has different ideas about when you should infuse a dating relationship with sex. Apparently, the widely accepted “third date” rule no longer holds true. First of all, in New York, I’ve been told that it’s the “second date” rule. Secondly, everyone has different ideas about what time is the right time. Tyrone says that women, if they want a particular guy to like them, should only have sex after 55 hours of contact:
X greater than 55 = sex
X less than 55 = no sex
“Really,” he says, “how well can you really get to know someone before 55 hours of contact anyway???” How he came up with “55″, I do not know, but Sarah always has sex on the first date if she likes the guy:
Like guy = yes = sex
Like guy = no = no sex
A friend from my gym, Tonya, says that you should only have sex after two months from the first date if you see the guy once a week or after three weeks from the first date if you see the guy more than once a week:
First date + (# of dates / 2 months) OR First date + (# of dates / 3 weeks)
What’s with all of the counting? In my opinion, it’s this: women are afraid that, if they sleep with guys “too early”, they’ll think they’re easy and stop seeing them.
Why this topic?
Well … yesterday, a very handsome and incredibly sexy (and of course, foreign) man, Fernando, called me again. I met him last Sunday and we shared great conversation over drinks. Since then, we’ve exchanged a couple of emails and telephone calls. We’ve also enjoyed one unbelievably passionate kiss. We’re going out this weekend and I’m really looking forward to it. No worries. Vince Vaughn be damned, just this once, for a change, I’m gonna be like the girl in the PG13 movie that everybody’s really hoping makes it happen, not like the girl in the rated R movie. Why? Because, I think there’s a possibility that I could actually like this guy and I don’t want to blow it.
August 11th, 2005 at 1:49 pm
The only dating rules that anyone should follow are the ones they made when they were in jr high. Those ones all turned out true for me…all the ones I made up when I was older all turned out false.
The new template is cool.
August 11th, 2005 at 3:19 pm
every rule you try will be the wrong one
just do what you think best and no regrets
edna million
August 12th, 2005 at 5:14 pm
Thanks for the comment.
By the way, I’ve switched templates once on my blog and I almost destroyed my original info. I am thinking about switching it again. What did you do to get everything back where you wanted it, after the switch?
August 13th, 2005 at 9:28 am
What’s really needed is a Dating Slide Rule. You know, you set it at the start to work out when it’s going to happen, euphemistically speaking, that is.
You can recalculate and reset it as you go along, for instance, if you start out on the ‘one date a week’ programme, but suddenly mid-way through you speed it up to, god forbid, the two dates a week programme.
What’s with all of the counting? In my opinion, it’s this: women are afraid that, if they sleep with a guy “too early”, he’ll think she’s easy and he’ll stop seeing her.
If the guy really likes the girl, it doesn’t matter if after a really good first date she decides to sleep with him. He isn’t going to think any lesser of her or see her any differently. Men don’t think women are easy or not easy, I don’t know any friends who think this way (not on this side of the pond, at least).
Let’s be honest, the only reason he’s not going to see her again after sleeping with her on the first date is if he wasn’t really into her in the first place…
BTW – layout is cool.
August 18th, 2005 at 9:51 pm
Thanks for all of the comments / suggestions / food for thought re: “how early is too early.”
Lots to think about …
Stolie
December 11th, 2005 at 2:08 am
I didnt google my way here, but I love it none the less.
December 13th, 2005 at 5:57 am
Awww, thanks!!!
January 5th, 2006 at 5:01 am
On the third date, I have a hand on the knee rule, and see what happens after that.
Once or twice I have done this, only to have a verbal face slapping, which saves both of us a lot of hassle in the long run.
I was so keen on one girl once, and also so scared that I would ruin the dates, I waited far too long, and after about the 12th date, did the hand on the knee, only to have such a telling off, and she made a big thing about only going out with me for a non serious relationship.
I bit my tongue, but just wanted to ask her if non serious sex was out of the question . . . .
January 5th, 2006 at 7:05 am
Ooooh! Hands on knees are sexy. I love it when that happens.
It’s that flirty, sexy and intimate feeling that occurs when you’re touched in a place that: (1) isn’t a sex organ but (2) is a warm place that generally doesn’t get touched on a regular basis. Knee, side of the neck, thighs, etc. Yeah, that’s hot.
By the way, call me asocial, but I think that it would have been pretty funny if you would’ve asked her your question. “Um … excuse me, but …”
January 8th, 2006 at 9:22 am
I go by the five minute rule.
If it’s not a sure thing in five minutes, there’s plenty of gals in the bar who will.
By the way, men love sluts
January 20th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
To each his own. Still, I’m shocked by the number of people googling around about the 3rd date.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
in my experience, how soon physical activity occurs has no correlation to how long the relationship lasts. Yes I do know some guys who won’t go out with a chick again if he sleeps with her the first night. Wait, that’s not true, he’ll go out with her again, if going to her place to get some counts as going out. That’s neither here nor there. There is no magic bullet.
I prefer to wait (although I’m not always successful) just for the sheer fact that I’m not a fan of casual encounters. I like there to be true feeling in what I’m doing. Thus far I’d say I’m at a 50:50 ratio. Which is better than the 30:70 ratio I was working with before. I’ve always been more reserved in my mind than I’ve been in action. Go figure.
April 14th, 2006 at 10:56 am
I think I’m more reserved in action than I am in my mind. If I actually executed every thought that was in my mind: my most recent ex would be dead, I’d be living in Argentina and I’d have published 3 horrible books.
September 8th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
wow.. we were just talking about something similar over on our blog. it was the 3 month rule not the three date but still it’s strange that you were on the same page.
September 8th, 2006 at 5:47 pm
Oooh, the 3 month rule? That’s an interesting one. :)
March 25th, 2007 at 9:50 am
People that live by other people’s rules make me sad.
Its YOUR life – YOU and only YOU make the rules. People that follow are boring – make your own rules and you will be happier for it.
f.
March 25th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Yeah, it’s not really about following anyone else’s rules. It’s like I said at the start of this post … “everyone has different ideas” about it.
April 16th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Ask yourself one question: “Would you be proud to carry this guy’s STD?” (if he has one).
That is the only rule I go by
April 20th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
I LOVE this blog. Just love it, love it, love it.
October 2nd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I just saw this post. And it was from two years ago.
What happened with your plan to wait cos you didn’t want to blow your chances with the guy?
And if women do put out too early, men WILL wonder if you do it all the time, and how will they know they are special?
October 13th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
@ Cameron: That’s an interesting question …
@ Rochelle: And, this blog loves you! :-)
@ crazyleprechauns: What do you mean, what happended to my plan to wait? I’m still waiting. Shit, I haven’t been fucking laid in MONTHS!!!
November 13th, 2007 at 12:33 am
Eventually my rule was that I would only have sex with a girl if it wouldn’t have been a disaster if she got pregnant. As for everything else, that’s kind of a play it by ear thing.
I am now engaged, and it wouldn’t be a disaster if my fiancee became pregnant. We’re both enjoying not having kids at the moment though :)
June 17th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
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July 18th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Just tell her: ”I’d fight off all the bees to get to your hive…. hun” (If it’s on it’s on…no rules)