Yesterday. The phone rings very early in the morning, just before I leave for work.
“Hello?” it’s not a statement, that word that comes out of my mouth. It’s a question. “Hello?” as in, who would call me this early in the morning?
“Hello,” says the man’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Hello?” I repeat myself. If it weren’t so early, I might have said something more, but as it were, I am still in shock. My phone never rings this early in the morning.
“Can you hear me?” the anonymous man asks.
“Yes,” I answer.
“Do you know who this is?” another question from the man.
“No,” I answer honestly.
“Really?” he sounds surprised. “Not even with me accent? Listen to me accent.”
“No. I don’t know who this is. And, look, it’s barely 7:00 AM. I’m going to hang up the phhh …”
“It’s Patrick,” he says quickly.
I pause for a second: Patrick, who? Oh, Patrick. Paddy. The Irish guy from Boston. “Oh, hiiiiiii Patrick,” I purr as my voice unintentionly turns saccharinely sweet. (Pavlovian response to Hot-Boy-On-Other-End-of-Call.) I wonder: why is he calling me so early in the morning? But, before I can ask that very question, small talk ensues. It was nice to meet you, are you getting ready for work, blah, blah, blah. Because of his accent, I only understand about 52% of the words that are coming out of his mouth but I gather that he will come to New York soon to visit friends and he wants to see me while he’s in town. I should be more excited.
But, I’m not.
I don’t know. The more that I think about it, the whole conversation just freaks me out a little bit. Over the weekend, I found him to be charming. Disarming, even. But during the call, there’s something a little odd about it all. Now, he seems too eager (… dare I say, too desperate). And, he’s too sexually charged. (When I mention that I am getting ready for work, he jokes that he’s almost naked and he asks me what I am wearing … remember, this is our first telephone call and, up to this point, we’ve only seen each other once … for a very short time.)
Always a woman of extremes, I decide that Patrick must be either: (A) some sort of pervert, (B) a serial killer or (C) just a really really really horny man. In either case, these assumptions coupled with the content and the hour of the call send the little red flags flying. I’m seriously considering a Man Diet. I may give the whole dating & mating thing a rest and really focus on me for a while. I’ve got a new job and a new apartment and this is a new city for me; I’ve already got enough on my plate for right now …
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi I´m Chris. Greatings from Germany Bottrop !!
i loved that story! and i can appreciate that you’ve (quasi) decided to take a break for yourself.
have a kit kat, girl.
i’d have to agree with some of your conclusions as i’d have drawn the same. however, in all likelihood, he’s probably just very horny and really can’t wait to see you, thinking you two can “get it awn”.
but we both know it’ll be decided once you meet him (IF you do), seeing how that whole scene plays out. ;)
accents get me every time.
_
I knew there would be a booty call! Well, I guess this is technically a pre-booty call. Good job on seeing all the warning signs that the dude is, well, at best creepy.
Ugh! He started off on the wrong foot.
There is no Control-Z on a cellphone, or in life for that matter.
1. Hi Chris! Welcome to the blog.
2. Yeah, after that call, I demoted “when I meet him” to “if I meet him.” … And, accents? I’m a sucker for them, too.
3. Pre-booty call, indeed. But, does it still count as a “pre-booty call” if no actual “booty-call” follows?
4. Unfortunately, the wrong toe, the wrong foot, the wrong leg, the wrong everything.
5. The computers have it all figured out; why don’t we?
Stolie
but…but…he’s Irish! grrrr…
;-)
Stacy
yeah, if they start the sex talk in your first non-inebriated conversation…not good. unless you want to be that girl. The one who he gets to tell stories to his buddies about as random snexual conquest. yes, i said it. snexual.
but…but…he’s Irish! mmmm
Stacy
;-)
1. Y’all know I grrrr at Irish boys, but Patrick is a little odd.
2. Snexual choc’late! Snexual choc’late!!! :)
3. For the record, I too not only grrr but also mmmm at Irish boys (… a la Cillian Murphy & Colin Farrell, not a la Opie)
i bet he was drunk. not that he’d have to be drunk to call you, but that he’d been up all night and it just seemed rational to call you at 7am and get all horny at you.
that or he’s a loony.
Well, at least you’re “diet” is by choice… lol, I could use a Booty Call about now…
I SO agree with Sid. The fact that the first phone conversation is sexually laced without the help of alcohol is a BIG red flag.
That being said…(in her best Homer Simpson voice)Ohhh…Irish accent.
or maybe he was just so excited to talk to you he couldn’t hold it in any longer and just had to call you… i’m sure that was it. really. i’m good at this kind of stuff!
People who ring up should identify themselves ASAP. I never play the ‘Guess who?’ game. In fact, it gives me a lot of pleasure to hang up on them.
“C’mon, try and guess wh-”
-click-
maybe he has got the wrong impression on the first meeting and has figured out you like him that wy more… there are always misjudgements on people & yet people make mistakes when they think hard on their next act. The guy might have made a mistake…
1. Quite honestly, that thought crossed my mind. But, he’s in Boston. Bars close early there … What is he was sitting at home drinking alone until 7:00am? That would be even more creepy!
2. I’ve been there. 6 months is my limit. I can’t go more than 6 months without sex. After that, I’ll screw anything. “Wow,” I’ll say to my friend, “your little brother is H-O-T!” Actually, it’s not that bad but … I think I can keep this diet up for about 4.5 – 5 more months and then I’ll join you in the “Waiting for a Booty Call” line.
3. When the founders of dear Eire started it all, I think they gathered around and said (in British accents), “we want our people to get fucked on a regular basis. So, here’s what we’re going to do. From this point forward,” now the man continues in an Irish accent, “everyone one of you is only going to talk like this …”
4. I don’t know about this one. If he’d called at 7:00pm or during normal Booty Calling Hours (11:00pm – 2:01am) I might have believe it, but as it were, he called during the Crack of Dawn (5:00 – 6:59am).
5. Oh, too funny!!! :)
6. Could be. I haven’t called him and he hasn’t called me since then. I’ll keep everyone posted on what happens …
Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will come back again – taking you feeds also, Thanks.
I must say that you provide genuine, quality information. Thanks for this!
BTW, dpn’t you think your blog needs a better wordpress template?