So, Come Here Often?
lurker. n. One of the ‘silent majority’ […] who posts occasionally or not at all but is known to read […] postings regularly. This term is not pejorative and indeed is casually used reflexively: “Oh, I’m just lurking.” When a lurker speaks up for the first time, this is called ‘delurking’.
[source: dictionary.com]
Whoa!! First of all, big fat thank yous and drippy wet kisses to everyone who posted for my 100th blogbirthday. I had more visits to my site than usual, especially on Friday (103 visitors, 207 page views). If I would have known how many of you were going to stop by, I would have worn something a little nicer — maybe a nice hot pink or red bikini instead of the usual peach one. It’s interesting. There were a few brand new visitors here and there but, by and large, the increase was due to regular comment-leavers and lurkers checking back to see who else had delurked themselves. You guys are pretty funny. And, now, since y’all, you all, youse guys have told me why you come here, it seems only fair that I tell you why I come here, why I blog.
Rewind to approximately five months ago. I move to New York. I’d like to say it’s been a smooth ride, but that would be a lie. In the beginning, it was hard. (Sometimes, it still is.) One day, I’m walking down an underground subway corridor and I’m pretty upset. Nothing in New York is working out as I thought that it would. I’m tired of forking over fuckloads of cash to live here. Tired of looking for an apartment and a job. Tired of being the new girl in town with only one person that I can call a friend. The world feels so heavy and I start to cry. And, this makes me even more upset because I absolutely do not like to cry in front of other people and I especially hate to cry in public. At any rate, I try to wipe my tears with my sleeve, but I only succeed in smearing mascara directly into my eyes. Now, I’m pissed and partially blind.
I’m still walking in the underground corridor when I look up and see a series of panels posted near the ceiling. The first panel that I see reads: “Just go home.” I stop dead in my tracks. It’s a sign. Maybe Allah / God / Her Highness is punishing for making some kind of huge mistake? I had a really safe, stable, adult life back home but I gave it up to leap into the great big unknown called New York City. Was I wrong to do that? Then, I think: Wait a minute … Go home? This is my home now. I made this decision. I’m gonna live with it, and I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself. I made it happen in other cities; I’m going to do it again. And, I shit you not, the next panel that I see in the corridor says just that: “Do It Again.” The very next day, I start this blog. I decide that, for better or worse, I’m going to stick it out in New York. Maybe the blog will chronicle my 1 Year in NYC or maybe it will chronicle the first of many years here. Who knows … All that matters is that I’m here now. Back to the present. Approximately five months and exactly 101 posts since the divine intervention: the panels are still in that corridor, I’m still blogging, and I’m still in New York City. So, thanks for reading.
November 14th, 2005 at 5:48 am
Wow… that was actually a really inspiring post. Sticking to your guns and all that.
(See what happens when a lurker delurks? Seeing me leave comments may be all fun and games now but just you wait till that one day when I’m bored and talkative all at once)
November 14th, 2005 at 8:02 am
Wow cool about the signs! I agree it is an inspiring post! :) I found your blog through Andy’s blog. (subliminaly mundane).
November 14th, 2005 at 9:47 am
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November 14th, 2005 at 9:47 am
ohhh. new york. you go girl..i’m not sure if i’d be able to make a move like that alone…you go!
November 14th, 2005 at 10:12 am
Crying in the subway, mascara dripping into your eyes, a sign from God. How much more surreal can it get?
And thus spake the Lord: “Stop moving.”
November 14th, 2005 at 10:20 am
That’s really awesome… You saw the sign and, bless you, got the interpretation right. You are so gutsy and I really can’t imagine you having only one friend (you’ve made many more, I see, in the past several months).
Please don’t leave us after a year though! If you must, you must. Just don’t! :)
November 14th, 2005 at 11:14 am
stolie, I too remember the culture shock I encountered after moving to Jersey back in ‘97. I stayed 4 years before coming “home” to the south. mwah!
November 14th, 2005 at 12:45 pm
Hmmz sorry to hear you are down sometimes, new york is a big city so it can be quite depressing sometimes, being alone andall. I’m gonna move abroad next year, and you have no idea how scared i am to go, but also very anticipated :D
so cheer up and try to enjoy it as much as possible :)
November 14th, 2005 at 1:00 pm
You are so brave. You are actually living out one pre-marriage/pre-child dreams – packing up and moving to NYC to pursue a fabulously successful career and life. I admire that so much!
November 14th, 2005 at 4:20 pm
So de-lurked is what it’s called eh? well go me!
New York all by yourself well thats pretty brave. Stick it out I’m sure you’ll be fine. When I first came to Uni in England I was 19, never left home before in my life (I’m from sri lanka if u know where that is, so its a LONG way away!) didnt have a single friend in the whole darn country, left behind all my friends and family, time difference of about 6hrs….pretty tough thing to do but life goes on! Kinda made me grow up a lot pretty fast, so no regrets at all. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger eh?
November 14th, 2005 at 6:13 pm
Salian: Seeeeee, posting is only hard the FIRST time that you do it. After that, it’s so much easier. :)
Jamie: Welcome to the blog!
rcknrobin: So far, so good. It was crazy hard at first, but I’m having a good time now.
Jenn: Yeah, the whole crying-mascara thing was really ugly. And, about moving, my hope is that I’ll settled down and make one place my home. I’d be quite happy if that “place” is New York. Time will tell, I guess.
MamaChristy: I didn’t really know a lot of people when I moved here. Bro already lived here and that was great. Other than that, I’ve reconnected with people that I met ages ago (who now live in the city) and I’ve also met a few new people here and there. I’ve got my own little “crew” now. :)
Tonito Bandito: *WHEN* are you coming back for visit? You own me a date!
Papigiulio: I was a little depressed when things weren’t working out in the beginning, but I’m fine now. GOOD LUCK with your move abroad!
Deep in the Heart of Texas: Wow, thanks!!!
Darwin: Yes, it’s official. You’ve “delurked” yourself! :) … About New York, I really do love this city. I hope that everything works out. Moving from one US city to another is nothing compared to moving from one city to another. AND, you did it at such a young age. I’m impressed. “What doesnt kill you makes you stronger eh?” … Couldn’t agree with you more if someone paid me to.
November 14th, 2005 at 9:20 pm
camara phone moments. and believe me…you aren’t a true new york transplant until you have cried on the subway and not cared! EVERYONE I know has done it!
November 14th, 2005 at 11:11 pm
New York is such an *INTERESTING* place …
November 15th, 2005 at 8:29 am
Hey, just wanted to say, that the “stop moving” was an Angels in America reference. Remember, what the angel told Prior? Stop Moving.
And thus spake the prophet: “Hell no!”
November 15th, 2005 at 10:08 pm
Oh!!!!! Totally missed that reference. I saw Angels in America on stage ages ago, but I never saw the movie / series on television.
Back to the idea of moving … The move to New York is meant to be slightly long-term, if possible. I’ve lived in a lot of different cities in the US and abroad, and I’m looking forward to settling into one that I can call “home.”