Would you Like Me to Seduce You?
“When it comes to dating, predator or prey?” is the [paraphrased] question a long-term reader, Raymond, poses. To chase or to be chased? Honestly, I think it depends on the situation. However, having said that, I’ll also add that I’m fairly extroverted and I tend to date guys who are slightly more towards the introverted side of things. (Balance is always good.) And, when two people meet, boy / girl / gay / straight / doesn’t matter, it seems that the more extroverted of the two typically makes the first move.
Although I’m far too prideful to “chase” after anyone, I see absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want … as long as what you want also wants you back. There’s a difference between playful seduction and flat out desperation. We’ve all seen the “Diva Seduces Soft-Spoken Cutie” paring on TV and film: Maureen & Mark (and later, Joanne), Stiffler’s Mom & Finch, Mrs. Robinson & Benjamin, Mark & Gabriel, Samantha & Smith. That’s seduction and that’s hot. Star Jones and Al Reynolds? That’s desperation. With dating, it’s like that discussion that took place on the dominatrix post a short while back: 55/45 power-share good, 90/10 bad.
December 20th, 2005 at 7:51 am
Right. Being the chaser and being the chased (not the chaste ;)) both get old if they drag on, for different reasons.
December 20th, 2005 at 10:31 am
Ahhhh … unrequited love. It sucks.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been rejected by men that I absolutely adored (it’s a horrible feeling) and I’ve also been pursued by men who just wouldn’t get it when I said “leave me alone.”
December 20th, 2005 at 10:53 am
Chasing someone when you’re pretty certain they fancy you back is nice. Chasing someone who couldn’t care less is a bit desperate; bit being an exaggeration. Usually self respect and reality stop you from making a complete lemon of yourself, but sometimes you tend to just ignore that and keep going on a kamikaze mission like a blind arse…human nature I suppose.
Being chased by someone you really fancy is great! Being chased by someone you couldn’t care less about can either be creepy if you don’t know the guy, or really upsetting for both if he/she is a good friend, but you just don’t feel the same way back about them.
I’ll finish off with a quote from Scott Adams (I adore Dilbert!).
“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenominally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating and religion.”
I find that hillarious:D
December 20th, 2005 at 11:03 am
Well said, Darwin.
Stolie – Hope you are coping okay with the transit strike in NYC. I’m thinking about you!
December 20th, 2005 at 12:08 pm
I notice the predominant theme in your examples are older women with younger men. Are you trying to tell us something? Have your eye on a certain college undergrad or some such? ;)
December 20th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Darwin: I. Love. That. Quote!
MamaC: I’m hanging in there. It is *AMAZING* how much my life depends on public transport. I had to reshuffle my plans for getting to work this morning. Also, I was to attend a concert on the Upper West Side tonight, but now I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.
Sethro: Move over Mrs. Robinson, Stolie is in town now!! I’m not hot for a college undergraduate at the moment, but I do think younger men are sexy and fun. It’s the voltage compatibility factor, not age. In life in general, I think I’m fairly wired & high voltage. I need someone who can keep up with me. :) I have, and still would, date someone in the 27 – 29 range. (I’ve been with younger still, 23, but that was strictly “fun” not “dating.”
December 20th, 2005 at 2:03 pm
I like being chased, but I like being caught even more.
December 20th, 2005 at 4:24 pm
i was the predator with my current man in terms of “gettin’ some”, but i was definitely prey when he was pursuing me for a relationship after the fact.
I think you can be both with the same person.
How fun!
December 20th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
Hmmm, younger men. with one exception, i seem to have done a lot of falling for the younger guys, but i think it’s because i’m a late bloomer. my last boyfriend was four years my junior. I didn’t realize that when we started dating though, because he was a year ahead of me in grad school. So, yeah, I like ‘em young and driven. ;-P
And I actually need to be chased, because I really don’t take subtle hints at all. I have to be sort of beaten over the head with someone’s interest. I’m dense that way.
December 20th, 2005 at 4:30 pm
Ooooo – chasing fun, catching funner.
December 20th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
I agree. I little bit of both. Defintely. Ah- to be chased!
December 20th, 2005 at 6:35 pm
Jay, Anhoni Patel, goldennib: I hear ya! I want to be caught,too.
little a: Good point. Relationships can be very fluid; the dynamics change over time.
Sid: Cheers to younger men!!! :)