What if James Frey Wrote About My Weekend?
Back story: James Frey writes a “memoir” about being an alcoholic, drug-addicted criminal who is wanted in 3 states. Oprah picks the book, A Million Little Pieces, for her Book Club. The Smoking Gun reveals the book is filled with outlandish lies. Oprah invites James on her show. He admits he lied. Oprah gives him and his publisher the smackdown.
Following Frey’s lead, here’s an excerpt from my “memoir” about what happened this past weekend. Needless to say, just like Frey’s “nonfiction” book, what follows is not true …
8:13AM on Friday. I awake to the sound of the NYPD banging on my door. Surely they are only here to bother me about yesterday morning’s diamond heist. “Fuck off, you donut-eating pigs!” I shout out to them. I look out the peep hole of the front door of my Fort Greene apartment. Damn! I thought they were NYPD, but they aren’t; the bastards called in the SWAT team. To get out of my apartment, I open my window, climb out, and leap 4 storeys down to the ground below. I look at my watch. Shit. It’s 9:26AM. I’m going to be late for work.
11:23PM on Saturday. I’m in the shower washing a crusted vomit/blood/urine mix off of my body. Why? Well, earlier, Mags comes in from Boston, right? Well, in broad daylight, we jointly rob the Citibank on the lower east side using only a 2-gallon water pistol (pictured) as our weapon. But, that’s not where the vomit/blood/urine mix comes from. After the robbery, we meet up with Bro and she sells us some really bad crack. I spend the whole day whacked out of my mind. When I awake, I am in a pool of vomit/blood/urine. Hence, the shower.
8:58PM on Sunday. I’m on a flight returning from the Middle East. After yesterday’s nice, warm shower, I have a brilliant idea: “They sure know how to party in Dubai, maybe I should fly there!” Instead of catching a cab to JFK International Airport, I use my own two feet. I run. I’m faster than any cab. I arrive at the airport and I don’t have to pay for the flight. I’m part-owner of Etihad Airways, the national airline of the United Arab Emirates. The plane lands in Dubai and I kick it UAE-style for a couple hours. I get into a bit of trouble but, after my jailbreak, I catch a flight back to New York City. Whew! It’s not even 9pm. I made it home in time to catch Desperate Housewives.
God bless the folks over at The Smoking Gun for exposing Frey for who and what he is. Now, here’s a questions for all of you: The Smoking Gun—expose journalism, investigative journalism, or merely an entertainment site?
January 30th, 2006 at 7:24 am
This whole story illustrates the problem with allowing others to do your thinking for you, whether it’s Oprah, Frey or The Smoking Gun.
January 30th, 2006 at 7:24 am
Look at you! Beautiful, funny AND a gifter fiction writer!
Personally, I think The Smoking Gun is journalistic integrity for entertainment’s sake. If it’s popular and can be shown to be false, it’s gonna be big news. If it’s funny because it’s false, people will keep coming back for the small stuff in between the big stuff.
January 30th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Abosolutely hysterical!!! I’m mad I didn’t get to go with you to Dubai,I want to kick it UAE style sometime.:)
January 30th, 2006 at 10:26 am
“The Smoking Gun—expose journalism, investigative journalism, or merely an entertainment site? “
All of the above. Expose journalism because they do actually expose stuff, investigative because to expose they need to investigate, and entertainment because whatever they find out is irrelevant to ME, and does not affect my life in the slightest way, other than to make me smile and think “hah…now how bout that!” to myself. For maybe 2 mins tops before I carry on with the rest of my life, unaffected by the doings of whoever and whatever on Smoking Gun.
Nice piece of writing by the way;)
January 30th, 2006 at 10:58 am
I would vote for entertainment site.
January 30th, 2006 at 11:08 am
Stolie, I had that same dream. Were you there with me? Thought so! LOL
January 30th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
You kill me!
Smoking Gun? Oh, entertainment for sure…but damn good entertainment!
January 30th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
goldennib: Oprah is a god!!!! :)
MamaChristy: You always say such sweet, kind and nice things about me. THANKS!! :) By the way, love the classification: journalistic integrity for entertainment’s sake. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Mags: Not a problem, I’m going to Dubai again tomorrow afternoon. Wanna come? :)
Darwin: Thanks, and glad you like the writing!!
AWE: Who could ever forget that mugshot of Hugh Grant. I think that’s the image that made them famous.
Tonito Bandito: Of course I was there with you, my sweet!!!
missbhavens: “Smoking Gun? Oh, entertainment for sure…but damn good entertainment! I couldn’t agree more!! :)
January 30th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
Damn, why wasn’t I invited to Dubai? It’s because I dated that Syrian for while, isn’t it?
January 30th, 2006 at 11:38 pm
How about this: you, Mags and I can go to Dubai together tomorrow afternoon. Sound good? Okay. Just let me know if you’re free and I’ll arrange the tickets. :)
January 31st, 2006 at 4:21 pm
ha!
January 31st, 2006 at 7:54 pm
Oh crap. Did I miss the deadline, now that I have been invited to Dubai for kickin’ it UAE style?
I may need a little more advance notice next time. You know those darned kids, they want a TEACHER in the room with them all day long. I need time to arrange for a sub. Also, should I wear clothes that can handle blood-urine-vomit stains?
January 31st, 2006 at 10:02 pm
The Smoking Gun—expose journalism, investigative journalism, or merely an entertainment site?
Wouldn’t this question also apply to CNN, ABC, NBC, Larry King, even Jon Stewart and Oprah, and all the others?
Yes, others had investigated Frey’s book; but until SmokingGun did its work, few of us knew of the potential flaws with the book. The other info was too vertical– a newspaper article here, a critic there. It took a Web site, and its intrinsic “spreadability” to bring the story to the world.
SmokingGun is a great example of what Thomas Friedman would call the flattening of the world. The vertical no longer applies–it’s a viral, spread-sideways world. It’s not a matter of letting others do your thinking for you. It’s about using the world as it exists now to help you inform your thinking!
rp
February 1st, 2006 at 2:23 am
Danyel: Glad you liked the stories. :)
Pegs: Shoot! I’ve already come and gone. Catch you next time? :)
Anonymous/rp: Very good points!! Although I’m not a fan of Friedman’s work (i.e. how flat is the world and/or how viral is the internet when the vast major don’t have access … you know, the “digital divide” yada yada yada), he does much in the way of raising very interesting and timely arguments.
February 1st, 2006 at 11:27 am
Friedman’s not talking about flattening backwoods Alabama! He’s talking about the world. India and China are wired. The US is playing catch-up.
February 1st, 2006 at 7:06 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more; Friedman isn’t talking about backwoods Alabama. And, that’s exactly my point.
The last time that I checked my map of the world, Alabama was on it. So were: neighborhoods like what used to be New Orleans’ lower ninth ward; low-income states like Mississippi & Kentucky; and poorer countries like Rwanda, Afghanistan, Cambodia, Nepal, Bangladesh, Yemen, Laos, Burkina Faso, Mozambique, Haiti, Mali, Bolivia and a host of other countries that Friedman “isn’t talking about”.
Friedman’s argument that the world is flat is inherently flawed because he does not account for the majority of it. If you are interested in pursuing this conversation further and/or if you would like me to email you links to World Bank, IMF, UN or other international sources that shed light on the digital divide, please feel free to email me on yahoo (user: stolieXOXO).
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