Who is More Gangster – Stolie or the Mouse?
As you may remember, I am battling a mouse (mice?) in my house. The other day, I purchase 2 spring traps and 4 containers of poison. I also call my landlord to schedule an appointment with the exterminator. I am pleasantly surprised when he tells me that he will come to the apartment to locate and plug whatever dark crevice from whence the mouse came. The war wages on.
Yesterday. I return home and I notice that one of my spring traps looks different. I cautiously walk up to it to get a better look. That’s when I see a sight that totally abhors me. The trap is still set, but the peanut butter is gone and the mouse is nowhere to be seen. The sneaky bastard somehow managed to eat all of the peanut butter without getting caught in the trap. He ate my peanut butter. My delicious, au natural, organic peanut butter. Now, not only do I still have a mouse terrorizing me, I’ve also unwittingly filled his belly with a nice meal. The thought infuriates me. “Bitch, I’m from Chicago,” I yell out to the unseen mouse as I wave my fist in the air, “don’t you know that I will shoot you?!”
I call the landlord and explain what happened. “Yes, he ate my delicious peanut butter without getting caught in the trap. Can you believe it?”
He laughs. “Yes. I can believe it.” His tone changes. “These are New York City mice that we’re talking about,” he says. “9 million of them have been battling the city for years; they’ve learned a thing or two. They’re smarter than we think they are.”
Hmmm, this makes me wonder: when a 118 pound Chicago gangster takes on a 3 inch New York City mouse / gangster, who wins? Ladies and gentlemen, please use the comment section to place your bets …
February 9th, 2006 at 8:30 am
Bust a cap in their ass. I hate mice, it is a constant battle for me too.
February 9th, 2006 at 8:50 am
Stolie will triumph!!!
February 9th, 2006 at 9:51 am
I foresee many battles in this war. Gangster Stolie will win some. Wiley Mouse will win some. BUT the human competitor has more stamina. She will be the victor!
February 9th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
spring traps are not the move…those sticky paper things are what sneak thier asses. place them in the corner and sporatically along the walls and he is bound to step on it…that way, you’ll surely win (only thing is he won’t be dead and he might drag his squealy self around trying to break free)
February 9th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Duh, if it likes penut butter so much I’d have thought the solution would be obvious: RAT POISON.
For added hilarity set up a web cam so you can record the little shit’s death spasms.
February 9th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
From experience…the mice. This is coming from a heavy weight! Close up the holes and you’ll get rid of them…get some glue traps too! Oh yeah, mix the poison in the peanut butter…that will get his arse.
February 9th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
Don’t worry…you’ll win eventually. That’s what evolution is all about!
(they are soooo sneaky, though!)
February 9th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Give the rodent the full Chicago treatment – cement overshoes into Da Lake!
You can substitute glue traps and the East River.
February 9th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
The mouse. for shizzy.
okay, okay, just kidding – Stolie.
““Bitch, I’m from Chicago,” I yell out to the unseen mouse as I wave my first in the air, “don’t you know that I will shoot you?!”” = this cracked me up.
BTW, I’m going to Chicago the first weekend in March.
ps. trying infusing the peanut butter with a nice poison.
February 10th, 2006 at 1:23 am
If you use the poison, be ready for a possible “smell” when he crawls into a far reaching corner and…. well you know.
I used to live in the country and the glue traps worked very time. I was a wimp though and had to get my Dad to empty them out for me…. yea yea yea wimpy wimpy wimpy!
I think Stolie will win in the long run. You have too many people rooting for you
February 10th, 2006 at 9:56 am
AWE: I hope that it’s “a mouse” instead of “mice” but only time will tell.
Mags: Yay!!! Vote count: Stolie 1, Mouse 0.
MamaChristy: I know what you mean. It could be a long battle — especially if there is more than one mouse.
Miss A.: Sticky paper seems to be the trick. Luckily my fabulous downstairs neighbor has volunteered to collect any mouse/mice that got caught.
Jay: Peanut butter is easier to spread on the trap. I don’t know if I can balance the rat pellets on there without setting it off. Perhaps, as some of you guys said, I should mix the peanut butter with the poison. By the way, I so *WISH* that I had a web cam!!! Then, I could see where it’s getting in and where it travels.
Anonymous: I need to find the hole. The landlord & exterminator are coming by on Monday. I hope we find it. Vote Count: Stolie 1, Mouse 1.
missbhavens: Stolie 2, Mouse 1. I hope you’re right. Mice are so groooosss. I don’t want them in my house.
JohnJEnright: Oh, how I love Chicago!!! :) I now have three ways to get him: glue traps, poison and snap traps.
Anhoni Patel: Stolie 2, Mouse 2? :) You’re going to Chciago?! YAY!!!! I’m sure you’ll have a great time. I’ll probably have people to show you around and/or tell you where to go. If not, pick up a free copy of the Reader to get an idea of things to do in the city or email me if you want suggestions.
ET: Call me crazy, but I’d rather have the smell of the dead mouse than the sight of a live one. The smell will eventually go away, but the living mouse might not. :( I *HAVE TO* beat this thing one way or another. Count – Stolie 3, Mouse 2.
February 10th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Aww, I’m too late to bet. I realize this is horrifying for you, but it’s the most hilarious mouse story I’ve ever heard. I’ve busted a few mice in my time, but I used live traps; I was a humane vegetarian at the time. I was also in the hoity-toit burbs and only dealing with cute little field mice at the time. I might freak out over a gangsta NY mouse, too. Enjoy your weekend, and good luck with the mini-mammal!
February 11th, 2006 at 3:47 pm
Wow, that’s great that you used the live / humane traps. If I were a better person, I would have used those. But, as it were, I didn’t want to simply remove it from my house, I wanted to punish it for ever having entered in the first place. :)
You have a good weekend, too!! Try to stay warm. I hear there is a blizzare coming our way.
June 4th, 2007 at 12:50 am
I have a friend that doesn’t use traps or poisons or whatnot. Basically what happens is that if they find them, they catch them alive and “Get rid of them” Like one got dumped into a mop bucket and drowned and another got smashed with a shovle in a bag of seasionings. So there are better ways of it .
June 4th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
That’s something special.