How to Date Hot Men
Over the past year or two, I’ve been thinking a lot about how and why I pick the guys that I do. I know my current “flavor of the month” when I see it. He spends a lot of time and money to make sure that he has the right hair, teeth, clothes, and a hot body to boot. Hot NYPD Guy goes to the gym every single day of his life. Le Canadien keeps a huge vat of product in his bathroom and I think he spends upwards of $100 for a haircut; Blondie pays his colorist/stylist a fuckload of money to make his blonde highlights look au natural. But, the boys are hot. I’m so predictable in the types of guys that I date that Mags often tells me, “hey I saw a Twannaboy the other day.” Even she knows my type when she sees it. So, how do I find these guys?
I’ve told this story before, but I’ll tell it again here. Rewind. I’m dating a total pothead from Spain. I ask him how someone from Spain knows where to find drugs in the US. His reply? “People who want to find each other, find each other.” Druggies find drug dealers. Wife beaters find women with low self esteem. And, people who think that beauty is what’s on the outside find other people who believe the same.
I’ve dated hot guys because, well, I like the way they look. And, guess what they answer when I ask them: so, what made you approach me; what attracted you to me? (HINT: If you guessed that they say, “Because I think you’re hot”, you’re a winner.) Mags once told me, “you know, with the guys that you date, I think the initial attraction is just that you think he’s hot and he thinks you’re hot so you guys date so that you can be hot together.” But there’s a catch. Although the outsides are beautiful, some of the insides of the guys that I’ve dated are downright ugly. Le Canadien can be somewhat of a playboy. Blondie would actually scream at me when he got angry. And, when the ugly behavior behind the cute face rears its head: I split.
It’s like I’m setting myself up for failure. I date the hot guy. But, if he’s an asshole (and he usually is) I get out of the relationship because, well, it’s what’s in the *inside* that really counts. But, then I simply replace the old hot guy with a new hot one and repeat the cycle. Why? Because, *I* am just like *them*. I don’t think that I’m ugly on the inside, I don’t own a huge vat of product, I don’t scream at people, and I don’t display freakishly asocial behavior. But I, like them, believe that beauty is on the outside.
So, that’s the secret: believe it too. Go to the gym a lot and work out like hell because you believe that guys care more about your flat stomach and strong abs than they do about your passions and your interests. Wear cute clothes and high heels because you believe it’s THAT, not your intellect, that makes the guy walk from the other side of the room and come talk to you. Do all of these things to make yourself beautiful on the outside and, trust me, you’ll find the beautiful guy. Or, more appropriately: you’ll find each other.
April 19th, 2006 at 8:56 am
See throughout my entire life I’ve felt crappy about myself physically and so in turn my “type” tends to be slightly chubbier dorky guys… and yet I’ve still had my fill of major assholes (the exception so far being the current..). Really the point? Hot guy, chubby dork? Men tend to be assholes.
But that’s ok, because I can be a real bitch sometimes too.
April 19th, 2006 at 10:02 am
Hang in there, girl. I know I had to sift through my share of pretty-boy losers before I found anything worthwhile. There’s nothing wrong with feeling like you deserve a little arm candy every so often if you’re slugging it out at the gym regularly. Hell I won’t lie, that’s definitely part of the reason I stay in shape.
But elenor’s right, people in general can be assholes. There are a lot of unhappy, dissatisfied people in our consumer culture. But I hear buying $100 hair gel helps. =)
April 19th, 2006 at 11:15 am
I didn’t stop dating hot men till I was 32. Didn’t date at all till I was 35. Dated someone I would have originally said wasn’t my “type”, and now I’m pretty damn happy. I’m not used to it. It’s weird.
I also think he’s the handsomest man ever. But he’s not hot.
April 19th, 2006 at 11:40 am
Eyes. Wide. Open.
First of all, thanks for humoring me and writing such a great and elaborate post. I’m so glad you did.
Based on your post, does this mean that because I’m attracted to “The Guy Next Door” and the “All American Boy” that I view myself as an “All American Girl Next Door?” Quite possibly. Does that mean I’ve only dated men who you might think of as the boy you used to run the neighborhood with as a child? Maybe. But does that also mean I’ve avoided the assholes? Abso-fuckin’-lutely not.
It took me a long time to find my current “All American Boy Next Door,” and for the first time, I think I finally got it right. Before I nabbed him though, I found myself at a similar place you seem to be at – the “what the fuck is my problem, and how can I stop doing this to myself?” place. I finally forced myself to have a good, deep look inside myself. I had to deal with my shit. It wasn’t easy, but I finally rummaged through all that crap, sold or dumped it off, and eventually felt like what was left was a somewhat whole person (if, albeit, a still slightly neurotic one).
I’d be happy to discuss this further via email if you wish. Like I said, it was a pretty tough time, but in retrospect, I can see it was exactly what I needed to do in order to be ready to accept the happiness I truly felt I deserved.
And now that I’ve gotten all philosophical on your ass, I’ll leave you with this: bring a blindfold out on the town from now on. Those blue eyes are the devil. ;o)
April 19th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
I am all over the scale with the women I date. I don’t stick with one type. The one’s that are super hot end up boring the hell out of me because most of the time they can’t carry on a conversation. I guess that says a lot about me because I am all over the scale with my looks. I am either competion shape or flabby, currently I am trying to get the abs back.
I do spend a lot on my hair, probably 50 cents a day on shaving cream.
April 19th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
That last paragraph is the most beautiful enterprisingly shallow thing I’ve ever read.
Yes, I believe in the sarcasm! I beliiieeve!
Isn’t hard to have your cake and try to avoid eating it so it doesn’t go straight to your thighs and you end up attracting the only socially ackward and not the socially elite?
(That’s more sarcasm)
Hell, I’d date you simply for your sense of humor, but that’s a big turn on for me, so I guess I’m being narcissistic. Damn!
Anyway, just keep making yourself happy and beautiful and people will love you.
April 19th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
That you can recognize this about yourself is great. And I’m glad you have a sence of humor… :)
April 19th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Unless you are ready to settle down, why worry. Keep playing. And eventually you’ll be with some pretty boy and a guy behind you will say something funny and you’ll be hooked on him for life.
April 20th, 2006 at 12:32 am
Elenor: I agree with what you said and echo Anita’s comments: both men and woman can be assholes. I’m learning that the key is to find the people that *aren’t* assholes, and surround myself with them.
Anita: You are really funny!!! I laughed out loud when I read your comments about the consumer culture and hair gel.
missbhavens: THANK YOU for sharing. Really. I appreciate it. I’m probably in need of a hiatus like the one that you talked about. I’ve seriously considered it (off and on) over the past few months. I’m tired of the bullshit and I need to date a really nice, kind, caring, decent “good guy” for a change.
AmyD: No prob, babes! My pleasure. What my readers want, they get. You asked for a post about Hot Men, and I delivered. I have a couple of thoughts about what you said … (1) You’re right, hot men aren’t the only people who can be assholes. (2) I’m sorting through my crap and my issues at the moment. In time, I hope to have it all figured out better than I currently do. (3) I’ve got my blindfold ready!! :)
AWE: You have a shaved head? I once had an intense FlirtFest with a bald man. I licked and kissed his head. He enjoyed. And, a good time was had by all.
Howard: Yummy!!! Glad to know that I turn you on. ;)
MamaChristy: It has taken me YEARS to get this far. I didn’t even realize that I had a pattern until approx. 2 years ago. Mags and Bro confronted me and I was like, “What do you mean??? I don’t pick guys based solely on looks, do I?”
goldennib: I think I’m ready to settle into a committed relationship. I’m not talking marriage. Fuck no. :) I just want a monogamous relationship with one really good guy. I’m tired of the games, half-truths, multidating, etc. The next time that I date, I want the one-woman-one-man kind of thing.
April 20th, 2006 at 1:01 am
1. Cosigned: Assholes come in all flavors.
2. For better or worse, I like a lot of flavors.
I dunno, I like to look at hot guys; I like outsides, but I really, really am thunderstruck by insides. I’m absolutely a sucker for fun and funny, and passionate/smart. As I get older and experience more, I’m beginning to realize how much I like being adored, too, LOL. So I think I’m edging closer to finding the right combination of traits for me. It doesn’t hurt either that I actually have a proven preference for “interesting” features over pretty ones. I once took a psych test that measured responses to various faces. I was one of the few in the camp that prefered asymmetrical, imperfect faces over all others! I also dig a little bald patch and a big, pointy nose. I think this guy is one of the sexiest men EVAR!
April 20th, 2006 at 6:39 am
Sid: You’re a good woman! :) I’m sure that you’ll meet someone special soon. By the way, I took a “Face Test” online on the BBC site a while ago. They told me (surprise, surprise) that I tend to go for well-groomed, perfectly asymmetrical faces. But, I’m growing, changing. And, identifying a problem is the fist step to changing it.
surly girl: Oh yeah, girl. It was F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. It was back when I was at university. His name was M and he was a cutie pie! I made some random comment about his head bald being so smooth that I wanted to kiss it. He let me do it, so I slowly ran my finger tips and tongue over it for a little while before I kissed it. He said that it felt a little odd at first, but it really drove him WILD! Nerve endings that aren’t stimulated on a regular basis go crazy once they are … heeeeeyy, I just had an idea for a post … Tune in tomorrow!
April 20th, 2006 at 4:38 am
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April 20th, 2006 at 4:39 am
oops. typo.
what i meant to say was…you licked a man’s head??
and i thought the spanking was bad enough.
*smirks complicitly*
April 20th, 2006 at 9:11 am
I have licked and fondled a few bald heads in my time, and hooooo-boy, does that cause trouble. Lessee, my first was a very cute marine-looking guy walking with his buddies in TJ. I was 19 and very naive. And this was before baldies became really popular. Total stranger, and I just sort of blurted, “Oh my god, can I touch your head?” He said yes. And seemed to really enjoy it. Most recent? A Tim in Chicago. Trouble. Ahem. I like it, they like it, everybody’s happy.
April 20th, 2006 at 3:12 pm
You went to TJ when you were only 19. I didn’t go until I was 21. Whew-wee … you are a wild one! ;)
April 20th, 2006 at 8:16 pm
Oh, good lawd, I don’t know! This is a hard one. See, I don’t think that *I’m* ugly on the inside, so I’m not sure why I date guys who are. Maybe opposites *DO* attract?
Here are a couple of examples …
(1) I honestly strive to balance all of the interesting areas of my life, but I date workaholic corporate guys. Maybe we balance each other out because he’s the “foundation” & I’m the “fun”.
(2) I’m not an asshole, but I date guys who are. Okay, on this one, I’m stuck. I wrote about this almost 5 months ago, but I’m still no closer to figuring it out. I need therapy.
April 20th, 2006 at 7:56 pm
Great post Stolie…this is the first time I’ve dated a ‘hot guy’ and for a while I was wondering if something was wrong with me because for someone so “fine” he sure can be a bimbo and *I* can’t possibly be that much of a ditz (I mean that in the nicest way) but I’ve begun noticing that the qualities that really irritate me about him hit remarkably close to home in my own personality.
There is some serious truth to the “you look good” “I look good” “let’s look good together” theory….
I dunno. SO, if one chooses to develop oneself as a beautful person with more of an *inside* can find someone with same qualities?