BREAKING NEWS: David Hasselhoff is Alive!
I have news that may shock the panties and boxers off of your genitalia. David Hasselhoff is alive. My fellow Americans and I remember him as that guy who talked to his car, Kit, in the hit show Knight Rider for 4 years from 1982 – 1986 and resurfaced for Baywatch. We figured he must have drowned because we never heard from him again. But, he didn’t drown. He went to Europe. And, he has released no fewer than 16 albums in the last 20 years over there.
Picture this. It’s the late 1980s. Knight Rider is over; David’s career is in a slump. He isn’t sure what to do next, but he knows that he wants to leave his mark on the world. And, boy, does he. Although Ronald Reagan and the German people claim credit for doing so, it is actually David Hasselhoff who makes the Berlin Wall come crumbling down—thus spreading peace, prosperity, democracy and really bad music throughout Eastern Europe. [Source.] Given this major contribution, Herr Hasselhoff now becomes the darling of the German people. They reward him by buying millions of copies of his albums.
Fast forward to the 1990s. Baywatch. In an attempt to use the show’s popularity to reignite his singing career in the US, Herr David schedules an all-important Pay-per-View concert that promises to be bigger and better than ever. In a twist of fate, that night coincides with another historic event and people who were watching his concert turn the channel en masse to watch OJ Simpson’s white Bronco flee the LAPD police on a California freeway. Fast forward to the 2000s. Just under the radar and ready to blow up at any second, Herr Knight Rider has cameos in a number of box office hits: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, and Eurotrip. However, his personal life not his career makes the news as he becomes one of the latest victims of Hollywood’s “divorce pandemic”. [Source.]
So, that’s the scoop with Herr David “Knight Rider / Baywatch” Hasselhoff. I must admit that I was a little afraid to tackle this subject in my blog. The last time that I did a “Where Are They Now” post people wondered why the fuck I wrote about Ralph Macchio. And, not to mention, my daily readership fell by, like, 92.5% that day. So, yes, I know I’m taking a risk here. But, I will let absolutely nothing stand between my blog, the truth, and you. Happy Friday!
May 12th, 2006 at 10:36 am
Oh Stolie, do I have a gem for you:
Wax the Hoff
Happy Friday!
Love,
Anita
May 12th, 2006 at 11:18 am
I heard on TV the other night that they are talking about making a Knight Rider movie. Wonder if David is going to be in it?
Oh, and Wax on, Wax Hoff? Now that was too funny!
May 12th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Oh the Hoff. Of course he’s alive! How else could he have done this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE ???
May 12th, 2006 at 11:36 am
I COULD probably make that linkable instead of stupidable… this
May 12th, 2006 at 12:43 pm
The Aussies love him, too apparently.
May 12th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
Once in a while (when can I remember to do it) I like to say ‘Hello Michael’ in a creepy voice whenever someone gets into a car with me.
My friends don’t find it that funny but I don’t let that stop me.
May 12th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
He used to have my dream job. No not singing or driving the car.
May 12th, 2006 at 7:05 pm
He has nice thighs.
Both Wax Hoff and Hooked on a feelin’ are funny.
I was just wondering what he was up to.
May 12th, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Wow, David looks really good without all that chest hair, Anita! Hahaha! Thanks for that – I laughed out loud at the “Are you knitting a jumper?” response. That’s one jumper I wouldn’t take advantage of… ;o)
OK, seriously, has anyone ever heard this guy SING?!?! Makes me wonder if people over in Europe have overtly severe hearing problems. What in the hell are they thinking spending money on that shit? Wow… But then again, I believe “The Macarena” was hot once in the U.S., so I guess I shouldn’t be too harsh.
And for the record, I HATED THAT SONG from day one. See, I’m not completely pathetic…
May 12th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
In my part of Europe we do NOT listen to the Hoff and revel in his orangey goodness. I did however contemplate buying a Hoff t-shirt transfer from eBay for the cheese factor.
May 12th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Very entertaining everyone… and he is nice to look at…
and for the cliche’
He made lemons out of lemonade. got to give him credit for that.
May 13th, 2006 at 9:21 am
Anita: THANK YOU for sharing this!!! I *love* it. :) They kind of cheat with the wax strip thing because it turns when you click on it; it’s kind of hard to line it up right …
Mel Chickk: Yep, it’s true. It’s in production as we speak. The Hoff is the main character.
El: HILARIOUS!!!! :)
MamaChristy: This is GREAT!!! Where do you guys find this stuff?!?! :)
Jay: I used to dream of own a car like Kit. I thought that would have been the coolest thing in the world.
AWE: Ooooh, please share! :)
goldennib: Anything to help a reader out. You wondered what he’s up to. I post a story to let you know. AND, as an added bonus, other fellow reader post HILARIOUS websites about the Hoff. That’s Funky Brown Love! :)
AmyD: Believe it or not, I kind of like a guy with a lot of hair. I think hairy men are sexy … By the way, I loved “The Macarena”. :) But, I’m not really the Queen of Good Music Tastes because I actually saw Milli Vanilli in concert …
Nics: I checked my box the other day and I got your card. THANK YOU!!!! You’re the greatest. :)
ET: Yeah, the Hoff certainly has a lot of chutzpuh! :)
May 13th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
Yes but WHY? WHY is he still alive? That’s my question…
I vote we both wear retor 80s duds on our next outing. Which should be booze-free. Or at least booze-lite. Nails, how pissed can we get if we do manicures? Not very. Unless we go to Beauty Bar down on 14th. Which we definitely shouldn’t do, despite their $10 manicure-and-cocktail specials that run weekdays during happy hour. Absolutely not. Nope. Not us.
May 13th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
I miss Yasmine Bleeth
May 15th, 2006 at 8:48 am
Sid: Good call!! I’ll wear a multi-colored scrunchy. :)
Raymond: I had to google her because I didn’t know who she was/is.