Oh, The Games That Single People Play.
I met a cute boy. Not the CuteBoy (he never called … ahhh, Manhattan … I wonder what NYC men actually do with all of those random telephone numbers programmed into their cell phones?!). Anyway, so I met a different cute boy. JP. Last Saturday. Here’s the story … So, I’m standing in front of one of Manhattan’s cultural venues when I notice a cute boy watching me. He’s not staring at me in that psycho-stalker way, but I catch him actively “noticing” me. Our paths eventually cross. Small talk ensues. He’s tall and he’s cute. His name is JP, he is my age, and—although he lives in New York—he’s originally from Europe. He asks me for my number. I give it to him.
The next day, Sunday, I ask my guy-friend Stan, “When do you think he’ll call me?” His answer fascinates me. According to Stan, men time their calls based on women’s looks. Here’s how it works … A woman meets a guy and gives him her telephone number. If the guy is waaaay hotter than the woman, the guy is going to call her the same night that he got her number. Why? In this case, the hot guy is just looking for a trouble-free one night stand from an ugly chick. But, if it’s the woman who is hotter, the guy won’t call her at all. In this case, the guy figures that the woman is going to reject him and he doesn’t even want to bother. (This, Stan says, is why the first CuteBoy didn’t call me.) Now, if the guy and the woman are of equal levels of attractiveness, says Stan, the guy will call the woman within 3-5 days. “So,” I ask, “when do you think JP will call me?” Stan pauses, “That guy? That guy will call you by Tuesday or Wednesday.”
Exactly 3-5 days later, on Tuesday night, JP calls me. I’m out with friends and the call goes to voicemail. He leaves a message; I hear it when I get home. The usual. Hey Stolie. It’s JP. You met me at this place. Just calling to say what’s up. Give me a call when you can. My number is XXX-XXXX. I’ll probably call him tonight or tomorrow. Hmmm … I wonder if his female friends are giving him the kind of advice that Stan gave me: “If she calls you back on the same night that you called her, it means blah. If she calls you the day after, it means blah blah. If she calls you two days later, it means blah bledie blah blah.” I’m not good at this game stuff, but I am curious … Do you agree with Stan? Do you think guys decide when they’ll call based on looks? And, do you think it sends a “message” to JP if I call him back today [1 day later] compared to tomorrow [2 days later]? I have plans tonight, so I probably won’t be able to call him until tomorrow. But, anyway, use the comments section to share your thoughts. I’m genuinely interested to know what the general consensus is out there.
May 17th, 2006 at 10:13 am
Wow…okay so my “excuse” is that I’m from Michigan but I’ve NEVER heard of a guy calling back based on looks! This is fasinating to me though :-) It makes sense I suppose :-) I am at a stage of my life that I am asking just about any man that I come across about “the game” cause I, for the life of me, can not figure it out!! There are too many damn rules!!! I can’t wait to read some of these responses though :-)
May 17th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
I never get called when I give someone my number. Dammit!
One of these dayz……mebbe!!
May 17th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
Well, I wish I had soem insight, but I think men in Manhattan are a completely different breed than where I am from. The rules are different in the South so I can only imagine that the European rule book is something that would mistify me.
May 17th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Stupid fucking games…UGH, I’m SO glad I finally found one who doesn’t play them (he probably doesn’t even know the rules!?…)
Don’t stoop to that shit. Call him when and if you want to call him. That whole “three day rule” was followed by my ex, and after three years of being together, he STILL seemed to think that rule was applicable. Let’s skip over the point about how I was stupid enough to stay and just say he, and all other men who play these games, are complete BULLSHIT.
Huh, I clearly still hold some animosity from dealing with a game player in the past, because this rant was sassy! Sorry bout’ that! ;o)
Oh, and good luck with JP…other than the “perfectly timed dice roll,” I’d say he sounds promising! And an accent? Ooooh La la! Ha!
May 17th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
Rats! Amyd beat me to that very same rant.
I’ll boil my down. Call when you’re excited and want to call, but do it in a place where you are free from distractions.
And if he can’t handle the fact that you are calling so “soon”, what else is he not going to be able to handle about your personality?
You call when you want Stolie and then just explore (yes, I mean that in every way – naughty and romantic)
May 17th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Never thought about the 3 day rule. I call when I call.
Does this guy look like the last guy you dated or did you finally break the routine?
May 17th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Hi, Stolie! I just found your blog (I loved the Serial Killer one, talk about creep-factor), and thought I’d post something small. I’ve never understood phone-rules, so I won’t even go there, but I agree with Howard – go right ahead and call when you want to. If he can handle it, great, if not, then you’ll definitely end up being too much for him, one way or the other. And anyway, he already called. There’s definitely some interest on his side, so why not act on it? Of course, it all depends on what you’re expecting in return… :)
May 17th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
Wow. I’ve never heard of such rigid rules for returning phonecalls. I don’t think I would want to associate with anyone who’d follow them. I agree that you should call when you’re ready. The worst that happens? He thinks it’s too soon and makes himself scarce and you’re rid of an asshole.
May 17th, 2006 at 5:00 pm
I didn’t know about all these rules either! Like I’ve said before, I’d call if I felt like it, and I’d expect him to call if he felt like it. If he doesnt call….well then it’s him being a wuss not me, and it’s my gain in the long run (shrug)
Goodluck though! He sounds nice (fingers crossed)
May 17th, 2006 at 7:47 pm
I did not realize there were rules either… I think I’ll ask my single guy friends next time I talk to them… see what they say — and if it’s on target with mamachristy saying things are different in the South.
May 17th, 2006 at 10:37 pm
Blondie: Don’t worry, I live here in New York, and I’d *never* heard anything about the timing of calls until Stan told me about it.
Tonito Bandito: Yeah, sometimes they call. Sometimes they don’t. It’s a crap shoot.
MamaChristy: I hate “the rules” but I swear it seems like everyone is playing them …
AmyD: Tell me about it. Games suck. I have absolutely NO game at all because I tend to lay all of my cards out on the table from the start. And, unfortunately, I think men take me for granted because of it. My guy friends complain that women date assholes, but a lot of men go for the bitchy types. Hmmm … maybe nice guys (and nice women) finish last? But, about JP, I got home earlier than I thought that I would and I gave him a call. I *love* men with accents. :)
Howard: I didn’t expect to call him until tomorrow night, but I called him tonight because I got home earlier than I thought that I would.
AWE: He’s got brown hair and brown eyes, so i guess he kind of *looks* like the others. But, he totally has less attitude. And, he’s way more scruffy. He wasn’t clean shaven when I met him. I’m not a fan of full facial hair, but I like the 5 o-clock shadow.
Firefly: Yay!!!! Welcome to the blog. I called him tonight, and I’m glad that I did. You all bring up a good point: if a guy wouldn’t like me because I’m not good at “the rules”, he’s probably not the guy for me anyway. We’ll see what happens.
Sid: Okay, glad to know that I wasn’t alone. When Stan described them, I thought, “Shit, I’m *totally* out of the loop!!” Who knows, I am sure that a lot of what he said holds true for some guys — just not *all* of them.
Darwin: I don’t think it’s a conscious thing, but I think that everyone has their own version of the rules on some level or another. For example, if I gave a guy my number and he called me like 5 times in the same night and left a bunch of voicemail messages for me, I soooo wouldn’t ever call him back. RULE: Don’t date men who appear to be psychotic. Or, if a guy cussed out a waitress while on a date with me, I wouldn’t go out with him again. RULE: Don’t date men who appear to be violent and/or agressive. Hmmm … maybe I’ll write a full post about this stuff sometime soon … oh, and, by the way, thanks for the good luck wishes!! :)
ET It’d be interesting to hear what your guy friends say …
May 17th, 2006 at 10:40 pm
Stolie,
If you’re really gonna go with this Sex and the City Theme, then we need to reference “He’s Just Not That Into You…” and then remember that we hate that book and the reason that we hate it so much–
because it’s always right.
But, right now, you’ve got the ball in your court. Game on.
May 18th, 2006 at 12:29 am
I don’t know. But I’ll call you in 4 days.
May 18th, 2006 at 3:59 am
I agree with amyd – screw the mind games. If you don’t want to play that way, then don’t. DO whatever the f*ck you want girlfriend. Personally, I don’t play those kind of games (then again that may be why some old beaus have accused me of being a stalker…just kidding. okay not, really). This situation always reminds me of that scene in Swingers where Jon Favreau spazes out on the phone and calls that girl like 20 times. Don’t do that. But do call whenever you feel you want to and just be yourself.
As to guys rating call back times according to look — I gasp in horror and shock. I can’t believe that’s true – really? No! I always got called back immediately…hehehe just kidding.
May 18th, 2006 at 9:16 am
Hey Stolie,
Let’s go trolling together soon. We’d make such great wingpeople for each other, I can just imagine the havoc we’d create drunk dialing whoever it is we just met.
I heard an interesting theory from somewhere a couple weeks ago that says to never give your number but get the other persons; I’ve never done this since I seem to hand out my number like candy, but I think its to keep yourself in control.
That being said, I think that the games we play can all be blamed on SWINGERS. Remember, when Vince Vaughn wasn’t overrated? Those were the days… either way, I think that if they like you, they’ll call. You might have to wait a few days, but they will. There’s probably some credibility to your friend’s theory, but if you’re the ugly chick who wants a date and not a one night stand, just say no. He’ll get so wound up trying to sleep with you that you’ll at least get a free dinner.
Meg
May 18th, 2006 at 10:46 am
I have another situation for Stan, say you’re out one night and you’re waiting for your taxi home and you’re approached by a guy who wants your phone number, if you say no and the guy insists on you taking his, which you do, and don’t call or text him until almost a week later, what does that mean to the guy?
May 18th, 2006 at 12:36 pm
So proud of you for calling him. See? That wasn’t so hard! Now, to all the rule-playing men lurkers out there…stop being pathetic, get over the rules, and let your BRAIN do the thinking for once! Sheesh…
Oh, and um, I’m really actually a very nice person. ;o)
May 18th, 2006 at 6:55 pm
If I get a girl’s number and I’m interested, I will call the next day. Even if I’m only saying “Hey it was nice meeting you. Let’s get together soon.”
If I get a girl’s number and I’m not interested (drunk at the time, tyring to be nice, whatever), I’m going to call in a few days and be friendly but non-commital.
Nics, if I ask a girl for her number and she takes mine instead but won’t give me hers, that’s the big blow off. I never expect to her from her again.
May 19th, 2006 at 8:37 am
Homosexual Suspect: Figuratively, not literally, the game *IS* on. We’ll see now long we play it. :)
Raymond: :)
Anhoni Patel: You’re funny! :) And, yes, I called him when I felt like calling him.
Meg: Sounds like fun! Tell me when and where, and I’m there! :)
Nics: I’ll ask him about this one …
AmyD: :)
Carlos: You’re a good guy … stay that way …
May 20th, 2006 at 1:01 am
Brilliant psychology!!
I often wonder myself what men do with all those random women’s numbers that they program into their phone.
This is why I make a man work so hard to get my digits. I figure if he had to beg, he is more likely to remember me the next day.
I theorize that for some men, getting a girls number is an ego thing. They think if they can get the number, then they could get ‘it’. Challenge gone.
And for others, it’s like a polite thing. Something they think they have to do to back out of a conversation or show appreciation for the shallow chat.
But I like your friends theory. Interesting.
May 20th, 2006 at 9:27 am
Yeah, I’ve come to realize that people ask and give out numbers for absolutely no reason at all. I’m just as guilt as everyone else.
The other day, I met this really nice Irishman. (I know, here we go again.) We were walking down the street. He complimented me. He was very geniune and nice. But, he wasn’t cute. AT ALL.
We walked and talked together for 10 minutes. When it came to part, he gave me his card and asked me to call him. I said, “yeah, sure! Maybe we can grab a drink sometime.” Even as I said it, I thought: “Stolie, what are you saying?!?!” But, honestly, I didn’t know what else to say to that. Really, I mean, was I supposed to say, “Oh, thanks but no thanks for the card; I’ll never call you.” It’s a hard one …
April 28th, 2007 at 9:58 am
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