NYC’s Controversial Dating Taboo
In this day and age, everyone seems to think that it’s “okay” for people to date anyone they please. Currently, I have one friend (a woman) who is dating a male-to-female transsexual. In other words, she’s in a lesbian relationship with a person who used to be a man but had sex reassignment surgery to become a woman. And, you know what? That’s fine. To each his (and/or her) own. Does not bother me in the slightest. If anything, I’m happy that my friend has found someone to share her life with; and, moreover, this someone makes her happy. What else could I want for my friend?
But, don’t get me wrong; I’m not as “open minded” as I might appear.
My personal belief is that some people just shouldn’t date. There are real differences between people that just can’t be overcome. You know what I’m talking about … NYC’s last dating taboo: inter-borough dating. Take JP for example. I don’t date people like him. You see, *I* am a Manhattanite. I live in the borough of Manhattan. *HE* lives in the Bronx … or, was it Queens? (Doesn’t matter, same difference.) I couldn’t catch a cab to go to his house and vice versa. It’s too far. We couldn’t even walk each other home after dates. And, what would I tell my friends and family?!?!
Of course, I’m kidding. Well, only slightly. You see, the truth is this … Yes, I live in Manhattan. And, yes, JP lives in the Queens (or was it the Bronx?). None of this bothers me. But, I think it bothered him. When I told him that I live in Manhattan, he freaked out and brought up money. And, not just money, class. I won’t go into details, but I will say this: he assumed that we’re from different class backgrounds and it clearly bothered him. So, apparently, in my effort to stop dating guys like Mr. Big and start dating guys like Steve, I found Berger—a guy who gets freaked out by a woman who might possibly have more money than he does. And the absurdity of it all is, at the moment, I don’t even have a fucking job!!! I’m so up to my eyeballs in debt that I could cry (… and I have on occasion). Just when I thought dating in New York—ahem, excuse me, in Manhattan, apparently—couldn’t get any more ridiculous, it does. Hmmm …maybe I should throw in the dating towel afterall …
May 19th, 2006 at 9:27 am
Don’t give up yet, sweetie!
It’s too soon to swear completely off dating!! Mwah
May 19th, 2006 at 10:07 am
It sounds to me like he’s just an insecure guy. Even if he was from Manhattan like you, I bet he’d find something else to get upset over..(” Oh no, your apartment/bed/fridge/potted plant is bigger than mine we don’t match you are socially superior to me boohooo”)
May 19th, 2006 at 10:43 am
Oh yeah–that’s really lame. What a sissy! Well don’t swear off dating because of THAT! But really, if you want to find the right guy for you, you’re going to have to “think outside the borough” for no other reason other than needing to fish in a bigger pond! It’s far easier to date in a Manhattan/other borough match than a non-Manhattan-other borough match. Living in Western Queens and dating someone in Central Brooklyn was a disater (the relationship was a disaster regardless of the hour long subway ride, but I’m trying to make a point, here)!
Having the taste for Euroboys that you seem to have, I can’t believe you’ve been solely dating manhattanites all this time! Lady, all the Euro boys live in Queens!
May 19th, 2006 at 11:00 am
You should see the look I get from white boys when I say Washington Heights. Anything above 96th St. is apparently far too scary for them…..
May 19th, 2006 at 11:17 am
That’s almost as bad as my Mom freaking out when I would date a girl with kids. She would always be critical until I told her how it looked one day.
May 19th, 2006 at 11:18 am
Interesting…if you recall, Steve and Miranda actually DID break up the first time because she had money and he didn’t – in the infamous gold corduroy suit episode(*shudder*). So, maybe you really don’t want a Steve, after all?
What about a Harry GoldenBlatt? Maybe HE is who you are looking for (plus hair on head, minus hair on back)! Hehehe…
OK, so my real point is this: DON’T GIVE UP! First of all, who would I live vicariously through if I didn’t have you? And secondly, “he” is out there, so don’t get discouraged. I’ve been through this (even went without a job for 5 months, too), and lived to tell the happy tale. Hang in there!!! :o)
May 19th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Men.
*twoowee*
May 19th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
Vancouver is much the same way… if you say you live in Vancouver? People ask whether it’s on the west of east side – West being the higher class, more educated side of town – and even within that there’s kits, yaletown, the West End (aka Gay Heaven) kerrisdale, Point Grey – all of these are considered better than most of the other borough’s in Vancouver;
And heaven forbid you should suggest that you live in Surrey… (Vancouverites and indeed most people from BC know ALL of the bad, bad jokes…and sadly, it’s all true…)
btw, details being sent to you this weekend…so, don’t throw in the towel yet…
May 19th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
Love your post! Love the geographic desirability bit. Thanks for linking to me.
May 19th, 2006 at 6:36 pm
This was funny, but an excuse is an excuse. lucky you found out he wasn’t for you so quickly.
There’s plenty of dating life left in you yet.
May 19th, 2006 at 7:02 pm
Tonito Bandito: I don’t know. Lately, I’ve felt a bit pessimistic about the whole dating thing. I say that I’m going to give it up entirely, but then I meet a guy that makes me want to give it a try. Then, it doesn’t work out. It’s a bit frustrating …
Darwin: You are *TOO* funny. :) “My potted plant is bigger than yours.” But, you know what? You’re right on the money. If it wasn’t my address that freaked him out, it would have been something else. It’s his issue, not mine.
missbhavens: Mmmm … you know I love Euroboys!!! So, they’re in Queens? Really? WHERE?? Which neighborhood? Let me know and I’ll be there. ;) I’ve heard that like 80% of the French that live in NYC live in Brooklyn ( … “C’est le Brooklyn” … ) and that a bunch of other people are spread throughout the other boroughs. New York is such an interesting city …
Meg: Yeah, I had a guy tell me “nothing happens above 86th street”. He, of course, was a loser.
AWE: I’ve never dated a guy with a kid, but that’s only because I don’t think that I want children. I have nephews. They’re great. What more could I want? :)
AmyD: I TOTALLY forgot about that!!!!! Maybe I do need a Harry GoldenBlatt? I thought he was sexy in that “I Dont Give A Fuck” kind of way. And, of course, who isn’t turned on by a bald man? … By the way, I know that you say “he” is out there, but sometimes I’m not so sure …
Howard: I know. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t kill ‘em.
Mitch: I’ve only heard of the Surrey in England. I didn’t know that there was one in Canada, too. I googled “Surrey Jokes” but I didn’t find anything original. They all sound like the Blonde Jokes that I’ve heard. (i.e. “How does a ___ end a date? She kicks open the car door …”). By the way, I can’t wait to get the details. This will be fun!!! Send them no later than Sunday; this way, I’ll be geared up for Monday. :)
notanewyorker: No prob! I love linking to other Bloggers. :)
goldennib: I don’t know. You say that I have plenty of dating life left in me yet, but lately I’ve been somewhat dissapointed by the men that I’m meeting. Maybe I’m too picky and I have unrealistic standards? I don’t know … I’m just tired of it all …
May 19th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
I forgot about Steve’s money issues too. I don’t know how. It so central to he and Miranda’s conflict.
When I was a full-time Chicagoan, I wouldn’t date anyone outside the city limits. Transportation was an issue, but their was also a lifestyle difference. I’m an urban cat and prefer a vertical world. I like skyscrapers, steel and concrete. I like it going on 24/7. I love the crowds and chaos. I love going out to eat and hanging out in restaurants and bars and museums and…everything that makes a city a city. It seems anti-suburbs to me. And anyone who would live in a suburb probably is on a different page than I am. Experiments have borne this theory out so far.
BTW, I don’t know the difference between Manhattan and the outer boroughs. I’ve only left Manhattan twice in my NYC visits.
May 19th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
If you live “in The City” (by which Manhattan and only Manhattan is meant) it’s simply slumming for you to even consider dating “Bridge and Tunnel People.” Don’t even think about it. Just kidding.
May 19th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
that is seriously lame.
Dude (him, not you) — get over it.
AND, I gasp at this: “lives in the Bronx … or, was it Queens? (Doesn’t matter, same difference.)”
May 20th, 2006 at 1:55 am
As someone from Queens– gasp– I have to say I agree too. Sometimes you just want someone close to you. (Unfortunately that leaves thugged out Latin man or in-the-closet rabbis in this area– but a boy can dream, can’t he?)
May 20th, 2006 at 9:40 am
You’re kidding right? *laugh* It never ends. Sounds like tribalism to me *hehe*, but I get your point. As for JP – well, he does sound Steve-esque, but you never know… I wouldn’t swear dating off due to that though. By the way – where exactly is he from, in that little and faraway land people call Europe?
May 20th, 2006 at 9:47 am
Carlos: Wow! I never thought of that one: “it’s not so much the distance as it is the lifestyle difference”. Interesting. I might post about this someday … And, about borough-hopping, I’ve been to the Bronx & Brooklyn too many times to count and I’ve been to Queens about 3-4 times.
JohnJEnright: Hey, hey now … I’ll probably be a bridge and tunnel person by next year. (If I make it that far … every day that I remain without a job makes a return to the Midwest all the more likely.) At any rate, if I’m still in Manhattan this time next year, I’ll probably leave the island. It’s simply too expensive.
Anhoni Patel: No worries, I was totally being sarcastic. I actually really like the Brooklyn and the Bronx. I don’t know enough about Queens to weigh in one way or the other. I have 1 friend who lives in Staten Island. From what I’ve seen, I don’t know if I’d enjoy living out there. It’s kind of suburban.
Homosexual Suspect: Baby, when are you going to give me a tour of your neighborhood? ;)
Firefly: Ooh, la, la! I’ll give you one guess. :)
May 21st, 2006 at 1:41 am
Yeah, Marsha and I lived on Manhattan when we first got there, then we moved out to Bridge & Tunnel Land. The economics are compelling.
May 21st, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Indeed they are …
May 23rd, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I know I’m commenting post-facto but boy do I know what you’re talking about!! Even in Manhattan, there’s all sorts of this crap to deal with. How about the downtown v. uptown b.s.? Drives me nuts!! I guess I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that I’ve been stereotyped as a stuffy, conservative, lameass just based on the fact that I got a place that was close to my office (yes, yes…I’m a midtown girl…kill me!!)
Oh, and re the money thing, don’t these Bronx/Queens guys realize that our apartments are the size of their closets??
K, I’ll shut up now. Thanks for listening. :)
May 24th, 2006 at 7:09 am
There’s nothing wrong with Midtown … as long as it’s not Fraternity / Sorority row. ;)
May 24th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
lol. I’ve actually narrowly managed to escape that scene by a couple of blocks. Thank the lord!! :)
May 25th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
:)