Cristiano Ronaldo is a Punk-Ass Bitch!
I can’t stand him. Wait a minute, back up. First, I’ll apologize for posting a 2nd soccer-related post in a row. This is not a soccer blog, and tomorrow’s post won’t be about soccer. I don’t know what it will be about, but I promise that I’ll stay away from soccer … Okay, back to Ronaldo. I wasn’t going to put up a post today because I expected to entertain out-of-town guests all day long. But, I can’t find them. I’ve called and called, but I don’t know where they are. I’m sure everything is fine and they’ll make it to the city okay … I’d just feel a lot better if they would call me!! And, while I wait for them, I figured I’d put up a quick post about my hatred of Cristiano Ronaldo since he’s everywhere these days.
Here we go. Yes, okay, sure, he’s cute. I’ll give you Ronaldo-lovers that. However, even *I* am not getting blinded be the light on this one. Three things: #1) He’s an asshole. He’s cocky and he doesn’t play fair. #2) His theatrics make me want to vomit. His tumble-roll-crybaby act is getting a bit tired and old. NO ONE TOUCHED YOU!!! GET THE FUCK UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. #3) I can’t stand men with noticeably overplucked eyebrows. Put. Down. The. Tweezers.
Okay. Sorry for the rant. I feel better now … And, yes … if you guessed that I’m just bitter that England (and The Netherlands a bit ago) lost to Portugal, you’re right. Had the outcome of yesterday’s game (and the Dutch one) been different, Ronaldo wouldn’t bother me nearly as much as he does. Because, even with his jackassery, he *is* a phenomenal striker. And, he’s cute.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:43 am
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July 2nd, 2006 at 11:53 am
Jesus – just deleted the damn thing. No idea what I did there. Comps like to spaz when you don’t want them to, and mine just did. Okay. Where was I? Ronaldo… ah, yes, big bad meanie with the I’m-Gorgeous-smile. When it comes to character points I guess I will have to side with you, but he’s still a nice piece of eye-candy ;)
My friends and moi discussed the English no-win situation this weekend and decided someone jinxed the team. I mean hey… you can’t be THAT unlucky…
P.S.: Never been called a lurker before, but I guess there’s a first to everything ;)
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Did you realize your title is very close to one of my favorite lines from Arrested Development? That show is awesome.
Sorry to hear that now all three of your teams are out of the World Cup. I still am and will always root for Germany, even after I move back to the US…
And about Ronaldo being a flopper: I HATE THAT! Lots of football dudes do it ALL THE TIME and it gets on my nerves soooo much. Just let the ref call what he sees! (In Germany, a flopper is called a “swallow”, like the bird; if a player flops a lot, he is a “Schwalbenkoenig”, which means “swallow-king”. I think Ronaldo is definitely a Schwalbenkoenig.)
Hope the job search turns up something soon :)
July 2nd, 2006 at 8:09 pm
Firefly: Yeah, computers are great when they cooperate. And, they’re not so great when they don’t. :) About Ronaldo … they kept replaying the “shove” all day yesterday and there was an interesting write up in the today’s times about Portugal as well. Then, I logged on and noticed that two of you guys mentioned him. I couldn’t *not* write about him. Him and his thin little eyebrows are everywhere these days. :)
Kyla: I never saw that show, but I’ve heard that it was really really good. Justin Bateman aged well. He actually looks *better* than he did when he was younger and he did that dreadful “Teen Wolf Too” movie … About the games, now that my teams are out …
Rooting for: Italy and France
Predicting: Germany and France in the final with a German win.
But, I’m bad at predicting these things, so Portugal is probably going to make it to the final. ;)
July 2nd, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Men? With? Plucked? Eyebrows?
WTF?
Is that one of them Met-tro-sex-shul thangs?
Sorry, some things bring out my inner redneck. I know I’m Black, but my woodpile has experienced a lot of activity over the last couple centuries.
Send in Tonja Harding and that big greasy-haired trench coated guy who hit Nancy Kerrigan on the knee.
July 2nd, 2006 at 8:34 pm
yay another girl on the world cup! I am an England fan…… say no more. I’ve blogged loads on this so If u want to come and comment please do. Your blog is v cool. I love that you called him a punk ass bitch v apt. Pippa
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:12 pm
Hope that your friends hook up with you soon – or that you at least hear from them soon.
I must apologize, I have not been following the WC tourney… so please pardon my ignorance on all things soccer.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:07 pm
1. Remember what I said: If I get the chance, I’m taking a stapler to that man’s nuts. Whiny bitch.
2. I didn’t even notice the plucked eyebrows until just now. DOUBLE YUCK! That’s it.
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:54 am
cute my ass. Ronaldo is soccer’s biggest crybaby. I hate him and that figo. I hope france will kick portugal’s asss haaarrrrrrrrrrddddddddd
and italy beat germany off course ;P
btw you’re the first female blogger ive seen talking about soccer lol
July 3rd, 2006 at 6:52 am
If you think you hate Ronaldo then consider England’s little pug faced thug Wayne Rooney. They both play for Manchester United. So Ronaldo knows how to wind Rooney up, did you not see any of the ‘action replays’? Ronaldo came up behind Rooney after the match started, whispered something to him and then butted his head and then after Rooney was given the red card, Ronaldo winked. Coincidence? Methinks not. Don’t worry Stolie, Ronaldo will be paying for his performance when he gets back to Old Trafford.
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:20 am
Raymond: Yeah, believe it or not, men are plucking their brows. And, this trend disturbs me so much that I might write an entire post about it soon.
parnellpr: Hey, I just checked out your blog. LOVE the posts on the Cup. :)
E: Everything worked out with my friends. I was worried for a second there.
Sid: Stapler? OUCH! :)
Papigiulio: I’m rooting for France and Italy, too! :) And, if they both make it to the finals? LES ENFANTS!!! LES BLEUES!!!
Nics: Yeah, Rooney and Ronaldo are like two little petulant children. Here’s what I predict … either: (A) Man United trades Ronaldo or (B) They kill him.
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:38 am
I think they’ll trade him. But maybe not for a while until Rooney gets his pound of flesh. You know he will…did you see him stamping on that Portuguese player? Although I think that a lot of footballers have actually attended the Sylvia Young Theatre School and learnt how to really dramatise their scrapes on the pitch. You want a real sport? Try Hurling or Camogie if you’re a girl. Now that hurts. Or Rugby, those guys just keep going!
July 5th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
i completely agree with this post. everything about this guy pisses me off– plus, he’s a little bitch.
(and killing him would be better than trading him =] )
cheers, stolie!
July 6th, 2006 at 12:53 am
You crack me up, funky one!
All the gays love him for his cuteness but after seeing his punk ass behavior, You are so right to call him out! I bow in your presence, mwah!
July 6th, 2006 at 7:59 am
Nics: You’re probably right! :) I see a trade in his future.
Anonymous: He *IS* a little bitch. And, I was very very very happy that my blog came up #1 (for a day or two) in blog searches for: Cristiano Ronaldo is a bitch. That was pretty funny; it made me smile.
Tonito Bandito: Thank you, sweetie, and you know that I adore you too! :)
August 9th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
I agree one hundred percent..
August 9th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Yeah, he’s annoying!
November 14th, 2006 at 7:16 am
Ronaldo is a [gay], loser and total jackass. I think he’ll lead the Portugal team to victory not in futebol mind you, but in diving.
November 14th, 2006 at 9:15 am
Um, I’m not sure if he’s gay and I don’t think that he’s ever been a diver. At any rate, I still don’t like him.