I’ll try to keep this one as “safe for work” as I can for the benefit of my readers who are oh so fortunate enough to have jobs. So, okay, after yesterday’s post about Angelina Jolie, a question popped into my mind that simply won’t go away. The question is: “how dirty is too dirty?”
This thought didn’t really occur to me until I read some of your comments, but I think part of Angelina’s appeal is that she appears to be a little … you know … “dirty”. She steals your man. She tongues her own brother. And, she’s probably a little, dare I say, “bitchy”. Piss Jen off, and she might cry. Piss Angelina off, and she might punch, slap, or (possibly) stab you.
Bitches. Men love them. It’s true. If good guys finish last, good girls NEVER finish. I think it’s all about that balance of being wholesome but not too wholesome. A little dirty, but not too dirty. Men don’t want to date saints, but they don’t really want to bring someone as “sexually ambitious” as, say, Lil Kim home to meet mom and dad either. Two male perspectives that I’ve heard recently: one online, one offline. Offline first. I think my friend Tyrone (the all-knower of things pertaining to dating) explains it best when he said something like, “Guy meets a woman. He won’t date her if he can’t imagine her evenutally sucking his dick someday. And, he certainly won’t date her if he can easily imagine her allowing him to fuck her up the ass on the first date.” Crass? Probably. True? Oh, most definitely. Now, online. Mitch echoes a somewhat similar (though much more gentlemanly) viewpoint: “It’s all about being presentable to the office party as a date/girlfriend. At the same time—after the party, behind closed doors, or just out for a night on the town — [it is important to] know how to have a good time.”
Good, but not too good. Bad, but not too bad. Hmmm … what do you think? Please share your thoughts about one, the other, or both of these questions using the comments section below: (1) Are bitches sexy? (2) How dirty is too dirty?
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
And this is exactly why I don’t date. men want everything in a women that is somewhat impossibale. they want us to be bitchy, but when they feel like there “manhood” is being threatened, they leave us. if were to freaky or “dirty” then they’ll think were to easy and still leave us. so why bother trying. of course this also explains why good guys always fall for the bitchy women who cheat on them. but what does that say about us when good girls fall for guys who treat them like dirt and cheat on them?
Men like bitches because they have mommy issues. They want a woman to boss them around and tell them what bad boys they are.
Wow, that’s a broad question (yeah, pun intended). But seriously, the dirty question is going to be based completely on people’s experiences and opinions so the comments could go all over the board. No, that’s cool. It’s fun to hear them.
Let’s say I’m in New York visiting you, Stolie. My personal line into dirty? You’d have to travel to the West Hollywood before you crossed it. That ‘angelic’ picture of me? A ruse.
As for sexy bitches question — yes, they are sexy. As long as you are watching them from afar.
Ohh I like Tyrone’s explanation, it seems pretty true. Bitches are def sexy because as you said they tend to be unpredictable and slightly dangerous which beats predictable, safe and hence boring. There is a fine line between alluringly bitchy and irritatingly bitchy, and too dirty would be the type of woman who would do outrageous things simpyl for the sake of it, for the attention it gets her and possibly to ease some deep-seated insecurity she has about her self-image. Over-do the bitchiness and everyone sees through it, and then the whole purpose is lost. But hey I bet some guys get off on that too, it takes all sorts!
Following the protocol that when mentioned, one must comment, here we go…
“Good girls are just bad girls that haven’t been caught.”
That quotation was on a t-shirt an ex-girlfriend of mine owned. In public, she was nice, calm, collected. In private she was exciting… but she was still a nice and a good person, perhaps too proud about some things, but there were reasons I dated her that were positive.
It comes right back to my original comment that you mention Stolie. I want to be with a women who knows how to have ‘fun’ but I can also bring home to parents without thinking about it. I think you hit it on the head correctly when you say “Good, but not too good”. Bad, but not too bad is still bad — and that often translates into the everyday things.
If the women I date can’t take the fact that I will leave her briefly to help someone in distress and proves bitchy about it (despite an apology etc) I will, and indeed, have, walked away from those.
hehe, I read this post and I thought I watched one very realistic nice episod of Sex and the City! Well, men do like bitches, but for how long is gonna take for them to figure out they are dating bitches not real ladies? Well, if they ever figure out, and would it make a difference at all if they find out? I don’t think so!
I’m not really sure what to comment on this one.
It probably depends in which area they’re bitchy (again, “good but not too good” – in certain ways).
Dirty? Well I can’t speak for what a guy would like, and I’d guess answers would vary depending on the person. And since I’m not a guy, I’m not even going to try to answer that.
Hah funny topic, but i think i’ll stay out of this one. *walks away quietly*
tough one again. hm…
i read a definition once:
bitch, n.: a woman who knows what she wants.
and knowing what you want is sexy, be you male or female. i’m not talking about being a downright pain in the ass. just, y’know, that ‘i’m me’-appeal.
as for how much is too much/what guys want: i think ludacris put it just right:
‘a lady in the streets/but a freak in the bed’
but i think mitch&tyrone already said that ;)
tramps are the new black: Okay, I’m going to get my male readers’ backs on this one and say: women *also* want the impossible. I mean, I’ll fess up myself and say that I want a guy who is spiritual but not a fanatic, HOT but not vain, funny but not immature, strong but not an asshole, very sexy but won’t cheat on me, nice but not a wimp, etc. etc. I think dating, no matter which side of the fence you’re on, can kind be a bit tricky. I guess everyone has to compromise a little; no one gets 100% all of the time.
goldennib: Ooooh, I like it. You’re getting a little Freudian on us. ;) Men want their mommies, women and their daddies …
Howard: TEASE!!! You can’t stay statements like that and not back them up with details.
Darwin: Yeah, Tyrone’s a dating genuis. Really, he is. By the way, you said: “There is a fine line between alluringly bitchy and irritatingly bitchy, and too dirty would be the type of woman who would do outrageous things simply for the sake of it, for the attention it gets her and possibly to ease some deep-seated insecurity she has about her self-image.” So, how is Madonna doing these days? ;)
Mitch: Yay!! Thanks for sticking with the protocol. :) By the way, by “bad”, I jokingly meant a bit of devilish (not shitty) behavior. For example, “bad” girls have sex in public places; “shitty” girls have sex with other people behind their partners’ backs. And, of course, the “prissy” girls are a whole different category. [Bad = edgy + sexy? Shitty = asshole + attitude? Prissy = uptight bitch who needs to learn how to relax and have a good time?] Ooohh, this stuff is hard! So many boxes, and so many people to put in each one. ;)
Arsh: I don’t know. I think guys who date boring girls wish they were a bit wilder. And, the guys who date wild girls wish they were a bit tamer. In dating, maybe we always want what we don’t have?
kypris: Oh, but trying is half the fun. ;)
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HEY, I MISSED PAPIGUILIO & FIREFLY …
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Papi: *YOU’RE* staying out of this one? I’m surprised. :)
Firefly: Yeah, I think that’s exactly what Mitch & Ty said, “a lady on the streets, but a freak in the bed.” Hear, that Mitch? Next time someone asks you what you want in a woman, tell them *THAT*. And, I’ll tell my friend Tyrone to do the same. :)
My patience is not infinite.
The bitchiness of certain women I have dated has seemed to be.
I don’t want a doormat/ragdoll. I just want to be equal partners, insofar as that is possible. Strength, Assertiveness, Intelligience, and even Snarkiness are welcome. I just think a person needs to know when to stop.
Gay men love bitches, too! Mwah!
Life’s a bitch, and then, if all goes well, you marry one and live sexily ever after.
Raymond: Anything in excess for too long is too much. Moderation is the new excess.
Tonito Bandito: Bitches. They have universal appeal.
Anonymous: Very poetic. :)
I wanted to mention Mads actually she’s the first person I thought about!
Basically, men want schizophrenics.
Ahhh, dating. :(
Ooooh, great post! Since I’m feeling narcissistic today (shut up, I’m turning 30 in a week and need to be held…), I will say this: I pride myself in being a bit of a chameleon. Able to fit into any situation at any time, with anyone. I can be the best shoulder to cry on, but I’ll make the person who hurt anyone I care about cry like a little bitch if I think they’ll do it again. Yes, I’m a bitch. And a lover. A child. And a mother… Oh fuck, what was I saying?…
Anyway, I think that’s exactly what men are looking for. Men want a woman they can take to the work function, but who will do a strip tease as she removes her appropriate but equally sexy dress off in front of him later in the night. He wants to be able to imagine “practicing” how to make a baby with her, but also able to envision that same woman lovingly caressing and feeding his newborn baby in the future. So, basically men, like women, want it all. And I see nothing wrong with that.
As for what is too dirty, I think it’s all relative to the situation. Obviously a man won’t think she’s the aforementioned woman if she jumps into bed with him on the first night, makes out with his best girl friend in public in front of the rest of the gang, or gets so raging drunk that she passes out on the sidewalk with her bare ass in the air. Yet, that’s the exact type of woman a man wants to be with…for ONE NIGHT ONLY.
AmyD: You are sooooo right on so many levels!!! And, I’m so excited that you’re joining Club 30 soon!!!! You’re gonna love it. :)
Stolie: “very poetic”
Well, Anonymous is the author of much of the world’s poetry! :)
And, *witty* too? You’re great. :)
i can understand this pov b/c i like “dirty” men–not too dirty, but more like they have ‘”dirty potential”–the ability to get down/be freaky when the opportunity arises
LUDA!!!!
Sounds like you like a guys who’s “a gentleman in the streets, but a freak in the bed.” ;)
Men want a woman who is a lady, but can be a whore in the bedroom.
Just curious … Are you saying this because you’re a man and this is what you want or because you’re a woman and you think this is what men want? :)
Wow, awesome blog format! How lengthy have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The total glance of your website is great, neatly as the content material!