The World’s Worst Pickup Lines
July 28th, 2006 ·
So, a couple of you emailed to ask what’s up with Sven Johånn Låårssøn. Smooth sailing. Since our first date last week, we’ve gone out together 2 or 3 more times. And, we’ve tentatively made plans to go out again sometime this weekend. So far, so good. We’ll see what, if anything, develops. Maybe he’ll still be around this time next month. Maybe he won’t. It’s still too early to really know anything one way or the other. Right now, all I know is that I really like spending time with him. He’s one of the most laid back people that I’ve ever met. And, he gets bonus points because he’s unbelievably adorable, has a great sense of humor, and is an interesting person who is very well-travelled. And, he’s a cutie pie. And, he’s a good kisser.
But, of course, not every guy that has ever crossed my path has been a catch. Like most of us who live in the Dating World, I’ve met more than my fair share of heinous little trolls. If you haven’t already read Darwin’s post about her loser from the bar, definitely read it. That post inspired me to write this one. Okay, so, here we go … a few of the worst pick up lines that I’ve ever heard:
- “Would you like to come in for tea?” Believe it or not, I actually used to fall for this cheesy stuff. Rewind many many years ago. His name is Geoff. He’s a friend. He’s cute. He’s British. He has a nice accent. He invites me in for “tea.” We have sex.
- “Give it to me bitch.” Okay, this line was actually said to a friend of a friend and not me. But, it is so ridiculous that I simply had to include it in this list. Okay, so, my friend Jen’s friend is out on a first date with this guy. When it comes time for the goodnight kiss, he steps up to the plate and whispers “give it to me bitch” into her ear. Such a charmer.
- “I Ain’t Got No Underwear On.” Where do I start with this guy??? We’re at dinner. It’s the third date. He takes my hand, pulls it across the table, sticks it near his crotch, and says, “Check this out … I ain’t got no underwear on.” Needless to say, I didn’t see much more of that guy after that.
So, tell me: what’s the worst pick up line that you’ve ever heard and/or used?
Hi, I'm 
‘Give it to me bitch’?! Hope your friend had a nice big strap-on.
I think the worst pickup line I ever received came from this guy who sent me an online message:
“Somebody’s taken too many gorgeous pills!”
We’ve been together for two and a half years now.
“I’m going to kiss you now, ok?”
Said at the end of a great night out dancing with a guy I’d just met in a nightclub. He was the friend of a mutual friend (who vouched for him). I was so surprised and I thought it was so charming that I fell for it. I let him kiss me.
We exchanged numbers. He called me that night and pretty much every night after. We started dating and got pretty tight pretty fast. We “fell in love.” Then I found out via his blog that he was drunk when he delivered said line. Then I found out that he was having a sexual relationship with a man at the same time he was dating me so it was all a (devastating) ruse anyway. Oh, and then he also claimed via his blog that he “wasn’t that into me” anyway. Despite proclamations of love, a “future,” etc.
Bottom line and lesson learned: Don’t fall for the line. No matter how “charming” it is.
“Wanna get laid?”
Said by some shady guy in a shady club in Windsor. Seriously, has that one ever worked for him? “Why yes, I WOULD like to get laid, shall we go the the restroom?”
Ooo! What a great topic! I actually have two really bad ones and I’ll expand on them in a future post. I love your blog for all the ideas that come up. :)
In countdown order:
#2) Didn’t I meet you at an AA meeting? This was asked of me in a bar. It was the 2nd gay bar I had ever been in and it was 30 miles from my hometown in S.C.
#1) Denver has an outdoor gay bar that I used to go to frequently to dance. Whilst leaving the dance floor, this very drunk guy came up to me and in an attempt to come on to me and compliment my dancing said the following: “Are you sure you aren’t black?”
Me and two other girls were walking down Bourbon Street in New Orleans (so I wasnt too surprised) and these two guys started following us. As a bit of background, one of my friends was white, the other chinese, and I was brown. So the guy tells his friend in a very loud voice “Hey man check it out, multicultural pussy!.
If the pickup line is exceptionally cheesy and bad I think it would actually work because I’d end up talking to the guy and we’d probably start exchanging bad pickup lines to see who has heard the worst one! It’s the offensive ones that I dont like, like the “You’re too pretty to be Sri Lankan!” one!
The worst pickup line that I have ever used…..Pretend my last name is Smith.
Me - Hey, I am a Smith are we related?
Girl - Not that I know of.
Me - Are you sure?
Girl - Yes, fairly sure.
Me - So you don’t have any Smith in you?
Girl - No.
Me - Want some?
So now it is a joke between me and my friends when one of us says, “Do you have any Smith in you?”
Here’s one that cracked up a (very) cute server I had one night at a local watering hole.
NOTE: I was VERY drunk at the time.
Me: Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Cute Server: No.
Me: Enough to break the ice, hi, I’m ‘Mitch’
Cute Server: (laughing) holy mother of shit - that’s funny - I’m ‘cute server’
Nothing came of it, but it was pretty funny, and a fun night at that…
From someone I didn’t and still don’t like and for whom I actually have no respect due to some of his actions…
(note: our furnace broke down in the middle of winter for a few days - not too cold outside at the time luckily but cold enough to be fairly uncomfortable)
He messaged me with: “Aw, your furnace broke down and I don’t turn on the heat.” (translation: I’m not there to “warm you up” or maybe it was a complaint that I am not attracted to him… either way, it put me off even more)
I haven’t really had many pickup lines thrown at me and I have never tried to pick anyone up, so that’s all I have (and am willing to share) for now.
Oh and that Sri Lankan comment was way over the top… and is interesting because I have several Sri Lankan friends and they are really extremely gorgeous… and I don’t know why you’d say anything like that to anyone anyway.
When I first moved to Houston, my brother-in-law and I went out (my sis was out of town). Anyway, we were having a great time and I was tipsy so I agreed to go to a dance club (I’m not a dancer).
So we’re dancing and some guy comes up to me and says, “Have we met before?”
I’d only been here a week, and I of course said, “No” and walked off.
“Can I have your phone numver? I seem to have lost mine.”
Made me laugh…
Jay: That is **TOO** cute!!! And, I think it’s great that you and NM have been together for 2 years. Long-term relationships rock! :)
Anonymous: Okay, I sooo started reading your comment and I was going to write something like … “I think that’s adorable!! I’ve had a couple guys ask, ‘is it okay if I kiss you?’ My little heart almost melted both times. I’m such a sucker for guys who aren’t afraid to admit it when they they feel vulnerable / shy / awkward. … But then I kept reading further along in your comment and I thought, “Um, okay, that’s not the turn that I thought that story was going to take.” … Wow … um … I guess that’s all I can think to say … “wow”.
Katie: Actually, my guy friend SB out in California always says, “guys wouldn’t use loser lines if there weren’t loser girls out there that actually fell for those lines from time to time.” So, yeah, (scary enough) somewhere in the world, there probably is a girl who answers exactly that and then heads to the bathroom with the guy. For the record … I’m not that girl. Nor will I ever be.
Howard: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! At AA?!?! Was it a joke??? And, about the “are you sure you aren’t black”, two thoughts: (1) are you sure ;) and (2) that guy is an idiot.
Darwin: Hey, I like that line. I’m going to se it the next time I see a group of diverse men, “Ooooh look!!!! It’s like a Rainbow of Dicks!!” ;)
AWE: Hey, you left out the good part … what was the chick’s response to your “Smith” line?
Mitch: I think the “Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” line might fall under Darwins umbrella of cheesy lines that are so bad that they actually work.
kypris: Okay, WTF?!?! And, for the record, if you have to kind of guess what somebody’s pick up line even means, it’s pretty much a sure thing that it’s a bad one.
La Brown Girl: YAY!!! A fellow “Brown Girl”. Do you know that Boney M song? There’s a brown girl in the ring … tra, la, la, la, la … a brown girl in the ring …” No? Um, okay. :) But, yeah, I’m not a fan of the “Have we met before?” line. Ooh, ooh, ooh, this reminds me … I forgot one of the really bad ones … I’m at a grocery story in LA. This guy walks up to me and says, “Do you come here often?” I’m confused so I say, “What? Like, you mean the grocery store? Do I come here often?” He just smiles and says, “um, yeah … get it … come here often?” It was so pathetic that I just walked away.
lala: That’s kind of cute. I probably would have fallen for that one. (If the guy was hot.)
Saw this in a movie. Might try it some day. Go up to a woman with a pot of coffee and two mugs and say, “…how about something hot and black inside you…”
The movie is Event Horizon. Damn, I’m good!! That line, on the other hand, is not. :)
Just witnessed this at Kinko’s yesterday:
Male 20something customer to cute female 20something employee: “You look like you’re on top of all this stuff. Have you worked here long?”
Cute female 20something employee: Silence
Any line from a creepy person is horrible. Delivery really does matter.
Stolie, I have been told I do dance like a black man, but beyond that I’m pretty sure. Besides, I much rather look at black men and lust. Oh, I went there.
ohmigod…”Give it to me, Bitch”? I can’t top that!! I’m not sure anyone can!!!
But the very lamest pick-up line I ever heard was from a guy at American Trash on the UES about 13 years ago… Now I like self-depricating humor, and I like humility in a guy, but this dude is trying to pick me up, realises that I’m not interested and then throws out
“…well, I know I’m no Michael J. Fox, or nothin’ but…”
I have nothing against MJF, in fact, I always thought he was sort of cute. But the idea that he was the standard by which this man was measuring his machismo, well, that’s just odd…don’t you think?
Raymond: :)
goldennib: That’s sooo true.
Howard: You did.
missbhavens: That’s HILARIOUS!!!!! ‘I’m no Michael J. Fox‘. What was this guy thinking???
‘Give it to me bitch’? - Wow.
I don’t know if this is the cheesiest, but it’s all that came to mind:
I was at a party that was pretty boring, and decided to leave after a short while. At the door, this (cute) guy looks at me all shocked and asks - What are you doing?!
ME (surprised): ‘Leaving.’
GUY : ‘You can’t leave!’
ME (mystified): ‘Why?’
GUY: ‘I wanted to hit on you later on!’
I just stared at him and then started laughing. Smalltalk ensued, a couple months of dating too.
I do have a personal worst though: ‘Are you from Brazil?’ - Lemme think - NO. But that’s a whole different story…
Bad:
That’s a nice color on you. I’d like to see it off of you.
Worse:
It was delivered by a coworker.
Firefly: That’s a cute one!
Pegs: Oh my dear, sweet, round-bellied baby Buddha above. Wow! Are you serious??? I can’t believe a coworker said that … People never cease to amaze me.
Two weeks ago I had two disturbing lines addressed to me:
1 - I’m from Armagh…how big are your tits?
2 - All I’ve ever wanted is to settle down and have children.(this was said as he looked into my eyes and followed up by how his ex aborted his baby. I was slightly scared)
#1. I probably would have laughed.
#2. Okay, that’s like really sad and depressing. Such a turn-off! :(