Snakes on a Muthafuckin Blog
Did you know that you can go to the “Snakes on a Plane” website and have Pulp Fiction’s very own Samuel L. Jackson call a friend and leave a voicemail message for free? Well, it’s not really him, per se, but it’s his voice. I got a call last night. My friend E sent it to me; it’s great! Man, the “internet craze” about this movie is out of control. Supposedly, the buzz has been so strong that they actually re-cut and re-shot a few scenes of the movie to include lines from various blogs — most notably, they added the line, “I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!” Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m excited about “Snakes on a Plane”. My friends and I are going to watch it on opening night and, yeah, sure, I even think the idea behind the movie is kind of genius. But, there’s one thing that kind of disturbs me: Snakes on a Blog.
Do you know the story behind Snakes on a Blog? Apparently, back in January, some random punk starts a blog to chronicle his “quest to attend the Hollywood premiere of Snakes on a Plane”. Guess what happens. Yep, you guessed it — after much hype, the folks over at New Line Cinema actually formally invite the kid to next Friday’s premiere at Mann’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, California. But, wait, there’s more: they also agree to cover his airfare and accommodations, too. Can you believe this?!?!
Question: Why am I so pissed off about this? Answer: I can’t believe I didn’t think of it first. Honestly, I mean, think about it … Paul Walker just had a movie — 8 Below — open recently right? Well, it’s a movie about a hottie (Paul Walker) and a bunch of dogs. I mean, hell, if I had been even ½ as clever as the Snakes on a Blog kid, I would have renamed the Funky Brown Chick “A Hottie and A Bunch of Fucking Dogs on a Blog”. And, quite honestly, I think I would have done it if I thought that it would score me an all-expenses paid trip to the premiere of 8 Below and/or 1 seat on Paul Walker’s lap. Man, damn that Snakes on a Blog kid. Damn him straight to hell for being smarter than I am!! Anyway … here are a few questions for you: Have you heard of the movie “Snakes on a Plane”? Are you going to see it? And, most importantly, did you have Samuel L. Jackson leave a voicemail message for anyone?
August 8th, 2006 at 7:55 am
Heard of it? Yes.
Seeing it? No.
Voicemail about it? Neither sent nor received, and I can’t say I’m disappointed about that.
August 8th, 2006 at 8:29 am
Saw a trailer for it on tv and that’s about it. I don’t think I’ll be going to see it either. Why, what’s all the fuss?
August 8th, 2006 at 8:36 am
Pegs: I just tried to get him to “call” you, but it won’t send messages before 8am in your local time. So, check your email; I had him send it to you that way instead. :)
Nics: I think it’s going to be one of those “so bad it’s good” kind of movies. You know, like, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Clerks, and Friday. I *LOVED* Harold and Kumar … But, back to Snakes on a Plane … I don’t even think there’s a plot to it. What’s it about? Well, you know, just a bunch of snakes on a plane. :)
August 8th, 2006 at 10:28 am
Thank you for the kind comment! Took your advice and went to the cops… and they got the guy. Grand jury tomorrow morning. How exciting.
August 8th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
I remember like it was yesterday. The date was August 7, 2006 — 11 days before the event — and my cell phone rings. It’s muthafuckin Samuel L. Jackson telling me if I don’t get my muthafuckin ass in the muthafuckin theater to see muthafuckin Snakes On A Plane then my muthafuckin ass is muthafuckin his.
I try to explain that I have plans to see it with one of my best friend’s girlfriend on opening day, but he won’t listen. He just goes on threatening me and telling me I HAVE to see the movie.
“Okay! Okay! I promise!” I scream into the phone, but he’s still oblivious. I’m starting to get pissed at this point. I mean, I know it’s Samuel “Muthafuckin” Jackson calling me personally. I mean, I’m fuckin honored and shit, but he won’t shut up! I don’t even want his autograph now much less hear him telling me he’s going to muthafuckin pop a muthafuckin cap in my muthafuckin ass if I don’t go see his muthafuckin movie.
It’s then that I realized that I’ve been dooped. I’m so strong in the belief that Samuel would never sell out that I believe he has actually called me. But it’s just a recorded commercial — a muthafuckin sell-out shit ad.
Fuck Samuel L. Jackson! From now on, all my muthafuckin love is all for muthafuckin Kenan Thompson, the real muthafuckin star of Snakes On A Plane!
Later I found out that it’s one of the guys in my improv troupe that has sent the message. I’m such a tool.
August 8th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
I will not see that movie because I am mutherfucking afraid of snakes. Can’t watch them on TV, can’t look at a picture and I will not see them on the big screen.
Other than that, how’s your day going, Stolie?
Mwah!
August 8th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
f*ck snakes on a plane, f*ck snakes on a blog and f*ck the hype all around it.
nuff said? :P
I don’t care about the movie really. Just another overhyped bsflick :)
Im sooooo positive today, stolie hows you luv?
August 8th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I sent messages to hubby, my sister and both of my boys. I mean, really, how often can someone say they got a call from Samuel L. It was actually pretty funny!
August 8th, 2006 at 9:58 pm
I, too, am disappointed in myself that I didn’t think of Repiles on a Weblog before that other bastard did. That and the red paperclip trade thing. I’m pretty ticked I didn’t think of it first.
My friend Colleen send me the message, but I didn’t get it because I don’t have call waiting and I was on the other line. I send it to J and one of his coworkers. We laughed our asses off, but I don’t plan to see the movie. At least not in the theater. Maybe I’ll rent it.
August 8th, 2006 at 11:54 pm
Why the heck would they do a movie bout SNAKES in a plane, haven’t they’ve done enough drama high-up-in-the-sky??? Well, I’m pretty tired of it and I can’t sincerelly think of the “story” and haven’t seen the preview yet! Hey let me know if it’s a blockbuster, kiddin!
August 9th, 2006 at 8:07 am
Lion: No problem at all. I’m sooo glad that they caught the guy and I hope that you’re okay.
Howard: You’re hilarious! :)
Tonito Bandito: Are you serious? You’re afraid of snakes? Wow, I didn’t even think of that, but it’s true — a lot of people will probably take a pass on this movie because of the snakes … Thanks for asking about my day. It is/was FABULOUS on the social side (lunch with Sid, Margaritas with a new guy friend, dinner with Bro, and then chatting about relationships with Raj and Bro over drinks). Social life? Great! Work life? Well, I need a fucking job …
Papigiulio: Oh, but that’s the whole point of it. It’s just a really bad B-movie. So bad that it’s good. :)
Mel Chickk: I know, I totally *LOVE* the messages.
MamaChristy: Yeah, when I first heard the message, I laughed so hard that I almost cried. I just wasn’t expecting it to be as funny as it was.
Nat: Blockbuster? One never knows. :) Actually, if I had to guess, I’d say that it will probably make $18 million during its opening weekend and then lose more than half 52-60% of its audience in the second weekend.
August 9th, 2006 at 11:44 pm
I doubt if I go to see this movie. I’m not the type to find thrillers exciting.
August 10th, 2006 at 7:57 am
Thillers thrill me. :)