I used to live in London. Rewind a few years. I’m graduating from university in three weeks. I know my future. I’m going to grad school. I haven’t set up a back up plan because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and people like me. I *AM* going to grad school. Then, one day when checking my mailbox, I notice a very thin letter from the graduate program to which I’ve applied. They want to let me know that they rejected my application. I didn’t get in. I’m devastated. I call Bro and I tell her that my plans fell through and I have no future. She tells me that I’m actually in an exciting place in my life. “If you say that you have no future and you have nothing to lose,” she says, “this is the best time to try something that you’ve always wanted to do because … you know … what have you got to lose?” That same day, I book a 1-way ticket to England.
Living abroad is something that I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the courage. And, now that I’m going, I don’t really have a “plan.” So, while in England, I study a little. I travel A LOT. I eventually get a job. Then I get a better job. And, I always … and I mean always … kiss a lot of charming European boys. It’s great! And, believe it or not, my employer in London eventually offers to complete the visa paperwork to allow me to stay on in England working for them. I am thrilled! Still, I decide to leave for two reasons: (1) I ’m running up debt and I feel like it is time to be “an adult” and go back to the US to pursue a more “serious” career [I’m working in the fashion industry] and (2) I’m scared.
I don’t have any regrets about my decision to leave; at the same time — knowing what I now know about life in general — if I could do it again, I probably would have chosen to stay. Why am I telling you this story? Well, one of the comments left yesterday really struck me. “Struggles are life lessons,” the reader writes. “Because of what you are going through now you will react or act differently to some situation that you will encounter in the future (near or far) and that moment will change your life for the better.” Truth be told, it’s because of my experiences in London that I’ve decided to stick it out in New York—even though I’m running up a lot of debt and it might not be the “adult” thing to do and even though I’m scared. I think “New York” is my new “London”. I don’t know what will happen to me here. The future looks a little bleak because of the job situation. Nevertheless, this time, for now, I’m choosing to stay.
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Oh yeah … about the grad school story … here’s how that one ends … I re-applied a year later while I was still living in London. In my personal statements for my applications, I told the admissions committees about how I’d failed to get in the first try. I also told them what I’d learned about life during my time in England and I told them about not giving up. I was accepted to each program that applied. I graduated with the MA two years later. (I’m currently working on a second one on a part-time basis.)
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. Interesting read. The whole part on not knowing what to do and not having anything to lose got me excited and now I absolutely cannot wait for that point in my life. Maybe then I’ll have something more interesting to write instead of my weirdass dawson’s creek teeny drama I’ve got going on.
hi! i’m delurking myself because i thought this post was really great. i’m at the point in my life where i’m getting ready to graduate and i don’t know what i want to do before i go to law school and i’ve always dreamed of packing up and moving to london. i think it was so courageous of you to do something like that and it’s inspired me to think about doing something off of the beaten path and not just getting some boring consulting job for 2 years. so thanks!
What an inspiring story! I had something similar happen to me last year.
I was studying at a prestigous theatre school, and at the end of term talks (after my 2nd term) I was told that I wasn’t taking enough risks or having enough fun, and I should probably find a different route other than acting. I was severely heartbroken. Add this to the fact that I’d been dumped the day before, and I was an all around mess!
But I wanted to do it. Plus, I didn’t know what else I’d do with myself. So last summer I performed in a musical, directed mimes *yes, mimes!* in another, and produced a third. After that, I went after anything I possibly could, and as of the moment, I’m cast in a sketch comedy show that will air in the fall – right before SNL!
And now, most of the time anyway, I believe. And I trust. And I’m glad you’re doing the same.
Best of luck, Stolie!
What a great story Stolie. I have a few “Londons” in my life and as much as I don’t dwell on them, I’ll never forget them.
I leave you with wisdom from Poi Dog Pondering:
“Would our paths cross if every great loss had turned out our gain?…I owe my soul to each fork in the road, each misleading sign.
‘Cause even in solitude, no bitter attitude can dissolve my sweetest find.”
Beautiful.
did anyone ever tell u that sometimes people are afraid to succeed? my mom keeps telling me that and i think she’s right. and it also explains why i deliberately keep sabotaging myself.
Awesome post, Stolie. A very inspiring read. I may eventually get to the same situation as yours, and I think that if I didn’t get into grad school, I would choose to do what you did. I’m glad you had the courage to keep going and the perseverance to keep trying and from what it sounds like, a wonderful experience.
Or, or, or, you could come back to London and kiss a few more English boys. And to earn some English pounds, of course. But mainly to kiss the boys.
Deborah: Yeah, the 20s are way more exciting than your teen years and the 30s are the absolute best. :) I haven’t reached the 40s or beyond so I can’t comment on those years yet. Oh, and, by the way, I hope you’re at least 18. This blog is Rated PG-13, borderline R.
miss drama: YAY!!!! You all know how much I love it when people delurk themselves!! It’s always so much fun to find out who’s out there hiding behind the curtains. So, welcome to public enjoyment of the blog!! Oh, and, by the way … yeah, that “consulting job for 2 years” would be waaay more fun if it was in London — or even Sydney for that fact. It’s fairly easy for Americans who have recently graduated college to go work and live in England, Canada and Australia. Google “work abroad” to find programs that will sponsor you. I did it and my friend Mags did it as well. I loved it and I think she’d probably say the same.
K: That’s a great story. GOOD ON YOU for doing something that sounds really fun and interesting!!! :) And thanks for the good luck wishes as well.
Mint Chutney: Okay, so I’m such a goof because I honestly wondered, “Who the hell is Poi Dog Pondering?” A Greek Goddess?
A different kind of Hanuman from the Ramayana? A mythical fairy from Scottish folklore? At any rate, thanks for the quote. I LOVE it. Woman, you have the best tastes in music!
Howard: I know you are, but what am I? ;)
Wall Flower: I think I’m afraid of relationships, and I date people who are equally afraid. We usually end up taking turns deliberately sabotaging the relationship before it even really gets started. So, yeah, I know a little bit about the whole “self-sabotage” stuff. But, I’m changing. Growing. Changing.
kypris: THANKS!! :)
Jay: Oh, sweetie, believe me — I’ve thought about going back to London. Let’s see … a chance to earn £££ instead of $$$ *and* I could kiss British boys and day long? If New York doesn’t work out, sign me up for London!
Yay! It’s so good to see all these nice comments! Stolie, I KNOW you are making the right decision. :)
i’m still crossing my fingers for you. scratch that. i know you have your job. it’s there. so far, everything you’ve written shows that you’re courageous, creative, and ready to work hard and harder to see your ideas realized to perfection, qualities everyone in any business wants to have in an employee. i’m sure you’re good, no, great at what you do. your expertise is needed, you wouldn’t have gotten that far if it wasn’t so. problem is, sometimes we just don’t see the forest for all the trees. happened to a relative of mine – he’d been looking for a job for months and things were starting to look rather bleak. then it turned out that a company in his neighbourhood was looking for someone just like him. he just never saw it, as it wasn’t what he expected, but it fit perfectly. he applied and got the job. since then, i’m positive that it’s all there – maybe not as you expected, but it’s there :)
The O.B.: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “I HAVE THE BEST READERS IN THE WORLD!!!!” And, yeah, I hope I’m making the right decision. I feel like I am. And, now I just need life to cooperate …
Firefly: I know … It’s like I keep telling myself, my luck could change any day. Maybe the day is Monday and it’s only 2 days away. Maybe it’s Thursdays. Maybe it’s a week after that. I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but I feel like it will.
This is a very inspiring post. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger for the rest of the challenges thrown your way right? So far you seem to have handled it well. I know you’ll be fine for the rest of it now:)
I certainly hope you’re right!
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