Hunted Down by the Drunk & the Criminally Insane
I’m a freak magnet. A bunch of months ago, pre-Sven, I give this guy my telephone number. He calls me twice the next morning, but I don’t take the call because I don’t recognize the number. He calls me again a few hours later and leaves a voice message. But, I don’t return his call because I’m starting to think he might be a crazyman. So, about an hour or so later, he sends a text message to ask me if I want to join him at an event that evening. I don’t respond. So then — when the event is over (and, yep, this is still the same day) — he sends another text message to see if I’d like to join him for drinks. Still no response from me because, well, now I know he is crazyman. Three calls and two texts in the same day. So, what does the guy do next? He sends a final text message that simply says: Fuck You.
Freaks. Somehow, I seem to attract the scores of oddballs that happen to be roaming the earth. I mean, honestly, once I even had a random stranger grab my hand and use it to wipe the sweat off of his forehead. So, I don’t know why I’m surprised that I received the following voicemail from my friend Kay: “Stolie? Hey girl, it’s me Kay. I was just calling you because my radio station is talking about people who are freak magnets and, automatically, I thought of you. So, um, I didn’t know if you wanted to call in and share your stories but, now that I think about it, I’m sure by the time that you get this message they won’t be talking about that anymore. Anyway, I just figured I’d give you a call and say … you know … there are other people out there who are also freak magnets who get … you know … um … hunted down by the drunk and the criminally insane. So, you’re not alone. Anyway … talk to you soon.”
Okay, two things disturb me about this message. One, she “automatically” thinks of me when she hears the term freak magnet. And, two, she goes a step further to say that I not only attract the freaks among us, I attract “the drunk and the criminally insane” as well. Weirdoes? Yes. Drunk and criminally insane? Well, that may be a little harsh. Anyway, how about you, dear reader? Are you drunk or criminally insane? What? I’m kidding. The real question is: Are you a freak magnet? What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you? Who’s the freakiest stranger who has ever approached you? Please share your stories; I can’t wait to hear them.
August 11th, 2006 at 9:41 am
People come up to me in stores constantly and start talking. I have no idea why. One time a had a lady start telling me about her daughter getting married and why she didn’t want it to happen. This all happened standing in the dog food aisle.
August 11th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
Okay, wait, let me get this straight. You gave the guy your number MONTHS ago and he finally tries to contact you a dozen times over the course of say 18 hours and then tells you to fuck off? That boy needs to check his ego.
I usually don’t have many people come up to me. I usually have a look of impatience of the entire human race on my face and am usually left alone. But sometimes I make the mistake of going out of my way to be nice and then cling like clothes out of a dryer without a fabric sheet on a cold, dry winter morning. Not the kind of spark I’m looking for.
In fact, I recently lost the Vol 1 DVD of Family Guy to someone because they wanted to borrow it and I wanted them out of my life. I just don’t want it back now. :)
August 11th, 2006 at 1:57 pm
Hmmm…I can’t think of any specific stories right now. *GASP* Does that make ME the freak? Oh shit… ;o)
Oh wait, I thought of one. I had this one guy come up to me in the bar and ask if he could have a piece of the chocolate I was eating at the time, so I gave him a bite. He talks to me for a bit, I try to end the conversation so I can talk with my friends, and then later, when I’m in the bathroom washing my hands, I see that he had DROOLED all over the arm of my white long-sleeved shirt. I don’t have that shirt anymore…
Oh thank God I thought of a story. Hehehe!
August 11th, 2006 at 2:22 pm
My absolute weirdest was one time I was walking downtown on my way back to work from eating lunch. I felt someone come from behind me but I didn’t turn around. He was a street person and came up behind me close enough to whisper, “You better go study your disease..”
I turned around and looked him right in the eye and he said it again! I wanted to ask what he was talking about but then thought better of it. I hightailed it back to the bank and he fell behind.
For the record- I am not diseased
August 11th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
That would be the time that a friendgirl and I were leaving IHOP at about 2 in the morning and the manager – who I’d never seen before or since then – told me that I had the prettiest feet he’d ever seen and that he was more than willing to suck my toes if I wanted to wait ’til the end of his shift.
Tempting as it was – not – I passed!
August 11th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Haha. Maybe next time you should just take the guys number. I think there was one weirdo I’ve come across. When I was living in Philadelphia, I was food shopping with my friend and some random guy started talking to me. Then he ask for my number and I was like I have a boyfriend(at the time I didn’t). And he had the nerve to say “what your man got to do with me?” Of course my friend is sitting there laughing and I’m panacking because he won’t go away. So I’m rushing my friend to go, tripping over stuff and dropping groceries just to get away from this guy, who by the way, did not seem to get the message that I wasn’t intrested in him. I did eventually got away, withot giving up my number and of course having my friend laugh at me for running away. Now that I think about it, it was pretty funny:-)
August 11th, 2006 at 5:37 pm
You automatically come to mind, eh?
I think Kay should be reduced in rank to acquaintance and you should call me.
800.555.1212
Weird attractions? well there was the ex-Army lesbian chick who wanted me to come do her until she got pregnant and then bugger off and have no contact with the kid.
August 11th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
I’ve had an old lady come up to me and say she wants my figure in her next life. I thought that was rather sweet. She wasn’t a creepy lady.
I have had a stalker in school, who constantly emailed me, and who admitted he was obsessed with ______ girls (ethnicity), and who was overall creepy. I’m glad we were just at the age where he wasn’t going to seriously do anything drastic – this was a couple of years ago.
In dance, there are these two older guys (at least in their 40’s, maybe 50’s) who prey on we younger girls in dance class (ballroom dance) and they can’t dance (although they seem to believe otherwise) and they wait beside us, hounding us, trying to get us to dance with them. I want to run in the opposite direction when I see them.
Can’t remember anything else so I think that’s it, and I am thankful for the fact that there have been few creepy people. Angry people are always around, but creepy people are frightening.
August 11th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
Ok, Stolie, you’re a gorgeous girl–men (both strange and normal) will come up to you. But, I, on the otherhand, seem to attract strange people of both sexes…By the way, the dude who kept calling you and then told you to f-off, needs therapy. Thank god you discovered the craziness of the dude b4 you went out with him!!!
August 11th, 2006 at 11:05 pm
I remember a day I took the NJ transit train to penn stat and in Elizabeth (nice “town”, huh?) this weird guy from India sits next to me and started go talk and talk as if we were best friends (I’d say by himself ‘cuz I just wasn’t paying any attention!) And spoke and spoke and told me to give him a call.. So I said that I had left my cell at home and he gave me a phone card so I wouldn’t have to spend my quarters. Then he followed me to the subway and got in with me! Whatta stalker! I said I had to change lines and got off at the next stop… thanx goodness! Stay away from those freaks my friend!!!
August 12th, 2006 at 8:24 am
Okay AmyD. Looks like you beat us.
Sheesh…
August 13th, 2006 at 11:55 am
Oh, Stolie, you smart, funny, beautiful FREAK MAGNET! I’m so glad you at least know how to recognize them once they start acting psycho.
When I was young, I used to do and get a lot of car flirting. Not so much anymore because of, you know, the CARSEAT in the back.
So I was about 17 and riding in the car with my parents. My older parents who were, at the time, in their mid 50s. This clean but still scruffy looking dude in an older but well-kept car smiles at me. Since I’m in the car with my parents and am therefore bored, I smile at the guy since he’s about to burn a hole right through the window with his intense gaze. Then he does it: the vulgar, um, cunnilingus sign. The worse part? He couldn’t have been five years younger than my dad. Yuck.
August 14th, 2006 at 2:29 am
Creeps are everywhere, I even know a few myself… and i’m a guy!! |straight| had the great pleasure of having to deal with one for a whole 30 minz last Saturday evening…
unfortunately, he was with a good friend of mine.. couldn’t wait to loose the looser.
Went to a bar with a Russian theam, the whole ICE BAR thing with drinks served in glasses made of ICE.. wiked music.. (pretty much an Igloo with very nice sculptures) but the looser kept saying he wanted to go to a strip club!!!
If you can’t get a girl to strip for you without having to pay her to do so.. you probably are not worth the effort in the first place!!!
It was more than just that.. it was the look in his eyes.. the seediest I have ever seen!!!
That’s when I apologised to my good friend and asked the looser to fuck off!!!
August 14th, 2006 at 4:03 am
Ok here’s a story of the criminally insane story… And Stolie – it should probably make you feel better.
This story probably works with one of your previous posts as well (questions to ask a date).
I was on my second date with this guy and we were asking those silly getting to know you questions. WELL….I innocently asked what is one of the stupidist/baddest things you did as a kid? I’m expecting something like snuck out of the house, some five finger discounts, a crazy fight – anyways something like that. The guy goes oh no no I really shouldn’t say.. and of course this peaks my curiousity so I say, “how bad could it be?” His response, “I used to skin animals!!!” Needless to say the date ended soon after and I never spoke to, and thankfully, have never seen the guy since. AHHHH! I’m pretty sure that’s a sign of serial killers.
August 14th, 2006 at 8:41 am
AWE: Maybe you have that “open” look; people feel aren’t afraid to approach you. Or, maybe that woman was hitting on you?
Howard: No, no, no, all that happened the day after I gave him my number …
AmyD: That guy sounds like a total freak. And, by the way— yes, it’s true – in general, if you can’t think of any freak stories, it’s because you’re the freak in everyone else’s story.
Laurie: GREAT story!!!! I can’t believe that hasn’t happened to me yet. So far, I’ve never had anyone whisper sweet insanity in my ear.
Nerd Girl: I’m not sooo not a fan of toe-sucking. I dated a guy from Florida who LOVED to suck my toes. I let him do it because I figured, you know, why not. He got off of it, but it did absolutely nothing for me.
Wall Flower: When he asked, “what your man got to do with me?” you should have done a little dance and sang the entire Biz Markie song. He would have thought that YOU were the crazy one and he would have left you alone.
Raymond: I could never reduce Kay to an acquaintance. My ex-friend Esther? Yes. Kay? No.
kypris: Okay, sounds like you’re definitely a bona fide freak magnet like I am. Welcome to the club. Someone recently forwarded me this article (“Why Nutjobs Choose You”). They give good tips on how to freak-proof your life.
wintergreen: EXACTLY. I’m glad that I found out that he was/is a freak before I actually ended up on a date with him.
Nat: Maybe he was trying to hit on you?
Raymond: Hey, hey, now. It’s not a competition. Everyone can post whatever they’d like and there’s no need to out-wit, out-funny or out-comment anyone. Everyone is equal in the eyes of Stolie. :) Besides, to borrow Jay’s tagline: “You don’t have to be fabulous, that’s *my* job.”
MamaChristy: Thanks for all of the kind words. :) And, yeah, that old guy sounds like freak.
momok: Wait a minute, they serve the drinks in glasses made of ice? That’s really really cool! I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Oh, and, I love it: “If you can’t get a girl to strip for you without having to pay her to do so … you probably are not worth the effort in the first place!!!” Having said that, I’ll freely admit that I’ve paid to see men (and women) strip. And, I’ve also seen a life sex show.
The Genius: OH. MY. GAWD!!!! That totally reminds me of a story from this chick that I used to know in California. I asked a similar question, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done.” Here answer, “Well, you know that I used to be a Devil worshipper, right?” I should have left the conversation there, but I’m like, “Um, well, no, I didn’t know that. Like, what does that even mean? HOW did you worship the Devil?” She went on and on about “sacrificing rabbits and shit in the graveyards.” It was all really really really really really odd.
August 14th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Okay, you have GOT to blog about the live sex show. I must know about this. Was it creepy? Was it just fun? Was it titillating?
August 14th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Okay. I’ll do a full post about it. For now, the quick and dirty version is: it happened in “everything goes” Amsterdam.
August 14th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Nothing wrong with watching strip shows… but never seen a live sex show!!!
But travelling almost 200km just so you can go to a strip show is even beyind me!!!
And yes, the ice glasses rock… hehe… guess in more than one way :-) (Ice/ Glass/ Rock.. get it?)
OK.. you have to open a new post and tell me what “/*” means… PULEEEZZZZZ
August 14th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
Yeah, the live sex show was in Amsterdam. I’ll write a full post about it, but I’ll give everything “code words” so that it will be safe for work.
About this “/*” stuff, I honestly have no clue what you mean. Did I write or post that somewhere? It was probably just a typo …