Yesterday. I arrive at my temp job early. I turn on my computer, check my work email account, and finish up a report that I have to submit to my supervisor, Bobbie [not real name], before 11:00am. Once the report is printed, I grab it from the printer, staple the warm papers together, and head to Bobbie’s office to deliver it. When I arrive in Bobbie’s office, I notice that the door is slightly ajar and the lights are off. “Hmmm, that’s odd,” I think to myself. “Maybe Bobbie isn’t here yet.” I figure I’ll just place the report on Bobbie’s desk and leave. I enter, put the report down on the desk, and spin around in the dark to head toward the door. But, something is wrong. Dead wrong. Even though there aren’t any lights on in Bobbie’s office, out of the corner of my eye, I quickly catch a glimpse of an unknown figure crouched down, hiding behind the door.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT. MAN. DOING. BACK. THERE?!?!?! I’m scared. My mind races. I can’t think of anything to say or do. So, I freeze. I close my eyes, and I scream. Loudly. I want other people in the office to hear me. When I open my eyes again, to my surprise, I notice that the unknown man hasn’t moved. At all. Actually, he’s standing exactly where he was when I first saw him—hiding behind the door. Oddly enough, this calms me because (at the very least) it means that he’s not moving toward me. I take a closer at look him.
It’s Derek Jeter. The inside of Bobbie’s office has a life-size cardboard cutout of Derek Jeter propped up behind the door. So, needless to say, now I feel like an idiot because my coworkers are running toward the office to “save” me. They heard me scream, and they’re concerned. “What’s wrong?!?! Is everything okay?!!? Did you see something?!?!” I hang my head in embarrassment. Believe me, it’s not easy to explain exactly how and why one manages to mistake a big hunk of cardboard for a random workplace-psycho-killer-who-likes-to-hide-behind-doors.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m sorry, I know you were legitimately scare, but that’s the best story I’ve read in months! You are so going on my weekly roundup.
So funny. I can so relate. I see bad guys every where, too.
That really is funny! I can so picture it happening too. I guess you could have embarassed yourself further by aiming a deadly kick at the ‘intruder’, and then having to explain why the cardboard cutout was damaged to Bobby…!Screaming isnt as bad as that scenario:)
Howard: Thanks, sweetie!!! I love it when I make your weekly roundup list!!! It’s an honor.
goldennib: I don’t know what got into me. I guess I have bad nerves; I don’t deal with unexpected surprises well.
Darwin: Yeah, it’s one thing to scream at a poster, but to attack it? Now, THAT would have been really embarassing!!
THAT is funny as hell! I needed a good laugh this morning – thanks much Stolie for providing it. (And thanks for the nice comment on my spot as well)
Thank you for the laugh, mainly because I once screamed so loudly I woke my sister up because I thought my dog was a burgler (granted I had watched Silence of the Lambs before I went to sleep…so I swear it is legitimate). I needed a smile this morning ;)
I used to have a cardboard cutout of Han Solo at college that would freak out my roomates and random people “there’s a MAN in the room!” no.. it’s just Harrison Ford..
Nerd Girl: Glad I could help. And, yeah, seriously, hang in there. Some days are going to be more difficult than others. Some will be easier than others. If you ever want coping tips or whatever, feel free to shoot me an email. (That reminds me … I have to check my email …)
History Chic: Yeah, I can’t watch the scary stuff anymore. I grew up on horror flicks and scary tales. I don’t know what happened, but I just can’t handle it anymore.
El: Okay, now I don’t feel so bad. Glad to know I’m not the only person who has fallen for the “it’s not a real person, it’s cardboard” goof.
See, this is why I would never make it in NYC. I’d have been all confrontational and asked what the devil he was doing in there with the lights off. Rural Texas makes one not so scared…
Oh, El, that was funny! “Just Harrison Ford” like he’s not a “real man” (I know that he’s a cut out and wasn’t actually a real man, but it struck me on my funny bone.)
Great story! I can totally relate – I often think I hear noises in the basement when I’m in one of the basement rooms and it’s really creepy, but there’s never anyone there.
I also always think there’s someone around so I jump at shadows when I’m alone. Sometimes.
Big houses with basements and attics can be a little scary. (My sister’s house is such a house, but it never freaks me out because it’s always filled with people.)
Oh man, that’s a great visual!! So, how DID you explain it? Cuz’ I probably would have said I saw a big-ass spider, even though I’m not even afraid of them. Hahaha!
Oh, I sooo told the whole story. I just started laughing and I said, “you’re not gonna believe this but, see, there’s this big cardboard cutout …
Me been away.. just catching up.. have to say… tough you might have been sh!t scared… it is funny… I imagined you with your eyes shut tight with your hands to your side, hanging your head slightly and screaming at the top of your voice!!! Very very funny…. good laugh for a Friday morning :-)
Thats too funny! I’ve been there:)I usually read your blog for a good laugh and this made my day..thanks for the laugh!
I just read this and had a good belly laugh! Thanks for an awesome laugh out loud moment!
“I see ‘cardboard’ people”! Thanks for an awesome belly laugh!
I’m bookmarking the site- Great Blog!
momok: I miss my readers when they don’t come back and say hi on a regular basis. Don’t let it happen again!! ;) … And, glad that I gave you a laugh.
Woman: YAY!!! I’m glad that I made you smile. Anything for my readers!! :)
Anonymous: No prob!! That’s what I’m here for.
Anonymous: I love that: “I see ‘cardboard’ people”! That should have been the title for the post! And, thanks for bookmarking me!!!
Oh you poor baby!
Good for you for being up front!
If only it had been the *real* Jeter. Sigh.
:)
Ha ha ha!! HYSTERICAL!
Yeah, I can sooo laugh about it now. But, at the time, I was honestly more afraid than I’ve ever been in a really long time.
I had a similar thing happen to me. In college, some friends and I had ‘borrowed’ a giant stuffed British guard, a store decoration for Beefeater’s gin. Anyway, I put him in the passenger seat of my car and promptly went on vacation. I returned home in the dead of night and realized I needed to move the car for street sweeping. I got in the car and fucking fa-REAKED!!! I believe I may have even shat myself.
I laughed out loud when I read your comment. That is HILARIOUS!!!!!
I’m both sorry you got a shock and nearly wetting myself with laughter! x
That wasn’t anonymous. That was me! I go away with another reason not to ever regret leaving Blogger: why oh why does something always, always, go wrong with Blogger on an almost daily basis? Ah well… x
Anonymous / Andy: :) Yeah, Blogger has been super-duper difficult lately. I’d soooo like to make a jump, but I haven’t taken any time to investigate what it would take to actually do it.