Depression is soooo last year. Yep, you heard it here first folks: depression is out and happiness is in. I mean it, happiness is everywhere lately. During the past few months: The New York Times recently ran an article about designing your home in a “happy” way; BBC did a six-part series on the science of happiness; and Time Magazine did a special issue with a cover story about happiness (so did US News & World Reports). You can even take a class at Harvard called Positive Psychology — it’s supposed to teach you how to live a “fulfilling and flourishing life” or something like that. So, given all the hoopla, I’ve decided to take a test to measure exactly how happy I am. The results are in and … drum roll please … I’m happier than 95% of the people who live in my zip code in New York City.
It’s good to be happy. And now that I have scientific proof that I’m Manhattan’s resident scholar on all things happy, I’ve decided to come up with a 5-point guide to happiness. And, remember … you can trust me on this because I’m one of New York’s “happy” people. So, here we go, “Stolie’s Guide to Happiness” …
1. Therapy. No one gets through life without scars. To deal with it all, I eat up therapy like it’s chocolate cake. Really, there’s something quite magical about sharing a 1-on-1 cry with a complete stranger who is professionally trained in helping people solve life’s minor disturbances. So, if you haven’t tried therapy, try it. You might like it.
2. Know What Makes You Happy. Think of the 5 senses: taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell. Surround yourself with things that make you happy in each of these areas. For me, it’s the smell of sandalwood candles, incense and perfume; the taste of chocolate; the views of Manhattan; the smooth sounds of Bossa Nova; and the touch of a man’s body. I try to indulge in all of these on a regular basis.
3. Keep a Journal (or a Blog). I remember re-reading a tear-stained page from one of my high school journals. A guy that I was majorly crushing on asked one of my best friends (instead of me) to be his date for prom. Life, as I knew it, was over. So, yeah, if you keep a journal, you’ll have written proof that you’ve been in experiences that felt like the world was ending. And, you survived. And, you’ll survive again.
4. Surround Yourself with Winners. Frenemies. We’ve all had them, right? In general, I try to ensure that the people that I spend time with are on my team, they’re rooting for me. If they’re not, I get rid of them.
5. Live the Life You Love. I don’t want to be the 85-year-old woman who says, “I always wish I’d done [insert dream].” So, I do it. I live it. And, not to sound all earthy crunch, but I honestly think that a part of your soul dies when you don’t follow your dreams. So, if there’s something that you’ve always wanted to do in life, make a financial plan and timeline for how and when you’re going to do it. Then, do it.
Now it’s your turn. Tell me what you do to stay happy …
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that it is all about being an optimist. Optimistic people are happy.
To stay happy, I find the bright side of just about any situation. If I can’t find a bright side then 1) it doesn’t exist and 2) I try to remember that nearly every situation is temporary.
Read Funky Brown Chick every day. (You know someone had to say it — and mean it!)
Honestly, it’s when I make others laugh. I was so stressed yesterday. The boss was back, my mom was driving through town on a move to Utah, Monkey’s Uncle had a private gig, I have two shows to plan, a DJ gig tomorrow, working both jobs today, part-time job tomorrow, etc.
HOWEVER, all of my problems went away last night at the private gig when it FINALLY started and I was helping make others happy by making them laugh, I realized that everything else was secondary. I was happy. And I’m completely energized for this weekend and the shows early next week. I’m happy.
Oh, it was good seeing my mom, too. :)
Where is this test you took?
I also laugh a lot (in a positive way) when I read your blog, I like the way u express yourself.. you’re hillarious!
Happiness determines how enjoyable your life is going to be.. I used to get all stressed out about work and school.. AND DEADLINES! what the heck for? I am now living a total relaxed life and still doing OK at work and school…
A way to be happy is to please yourself.. why saving money for no purpose when you can travel or go shopping? Ha, that’s my main phylosophy! That’s it for today.. Take care and be happy!
MamaChristy: I little optimism goes a long way!!
Howard: I sooo wish that I could come and see one of your shows. It will happen one day; I’m sure of it. By the way, to get to the test: 1) Go http://www.authentichappiness.com. 2) In the banner, click on “Questionnaires. 3) Scroll down to “Authentic Happiness Inventory”. I answered the questions brutally honestly, and I only got 3 out of 5 possible happy points.
Nat: Awwww! Glad you like it! :) And, yeah, I know what you mean about stress. I need to get better at eliminating it from my life.
wow thats real good. i like to play the sims2 game or whatch the scifi channel. i know that makes me sound like a complete nerd but im ok with that.
There’s nothing wrong with being a nerd. My friend Pegs and I are both big time math geeks. Am I nerd because I love numbers? Probably. But, do I care? Nope. :)
my personal rule: take time for yourself. no matter how stressful life seems to be, take fifteen minutes to half an hour out of every day for yourself, wind down and recharge and refocus – and i don’t mean a powernap. i call it the just-me-time. you know, that time that’s just me, myself and i without the rest of the world watchin’. positive, ‘i’m good at this, and i can do that time.’ quiet ‘life’s a peach’ time. i mean if you’re not happy with yourself, how in hell are you supposed to be happy with other people?
otherwise, i think you said it all :)
great post!
to put myself in a better mood i: read, spend time with the fam, listen to music, and help people
those things always make me feel better about whatever is bugging me
Stolie, if there was ever a time for you to deserve a kiss from me, it is now ;-) (yeah, now that you are over the shock.. lets move onn!!!)
Love the pointers.. very valid and relevant.. BUT
I find it dissapointing when you (read, “in general”) have to do a test (some place online) to find out how happy we (you) are. I’ve never been any happier in my life as I am now, and it just keeps getting better :-D..
I won’t change my life for anything and if I had a chance to rewind and relive my life.. i’d do exactly what I am doing now and have the same ppl in my life.. I have very limited friends.. but they are the best and a very loving and caring family (99%) of the time.
I’m not trying to diss you, but I don’t want someone else to tell me how to be happy or if I am happy at all… I hope it makes sense…
Have a great weekend… it’s going to be great… I live in your future.. literally :-)(12+GMT)
Firefly: “Me time” rocks! :)
Dear Lovey Heart: Glad you like it. And, yeah, I’m a fan of reading and spending time with the fam, too. Usually, both activitities are pretty low-key and peaceful.
momok: I don’t take it as a diss at all; I love these little online tests and I’m okay with it. It’s all in fun. :)
Thanks for giving the link to the survey!!!
I scored a 75% more happy than most people and that was great to know. I think even when life has got you down, there are always things to be grateful for :)
Thanks again for sharing!!!
Just trying to have a positive outlook,surrounding myself with people who make me laugh, who are loyal and who I can count on for anything and watching my dog on the beach get frigging excited about any shell that moves in the water.
Watching him jump around in the water is the best thing ever.
Depression sucks. Been there. Done that. Got that t-shirt…therapy, best thing that ever happened to me. I did it last year during my divorce again just to keep perspective and have someone who was paid to sympathize with me..ha… just kidding.
History Chic: Glad you like the test. And, glad that you’re happy. :)
Me: Isn’t therapy GREAT? I honestly think the only reason that more people don’t try it is because there’s a negative stigma attached to it. We haven’t really come to grips with the factor that mental health is just as important as physical health. In general, people will more readily admit “I have a doctor’s appointment” than they will “I have a therapy appointment”. And, on the flipside, if someone is clearly physically sick, it’s perfectly okay to suggest they see a doctor. However, if a friend ends a longterm relationship, defaults on a mortgage, or loses a parent, it’s considered in poor taste to say, “have you considered therapy?”
To get happy I:
Take a look around and see all that I have to be grateful for;
Put on 80′s music and do every old dance I can remember;
Flip through my wedding album and Lovegirl’s infant pictures;
Eat soft ice cream.
Oh, and I turn off the Nina Simone. The girl was bad but damn depressing!
When I finally get to the point where I’m willing to admit that I’m unhappy, I make a list of things I need to be happy about. That usually helps.
Oh, and I am proud of my math geekiness. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in that.
Hey hol, what’s up that u haven’t posted in some days??
I take pictures.
During my 17-day workweek back in June I basically spent the entire time disgusted and pissed off and trying to not bite anyone’s head off. One night as we were getting close to a full moon I took about 45 minutes of mental health time and went outside and took pictures. I noticed that during that time I wasn’t in a bad mood.
I buy a lottery ticket, every Wednesday and Saturday. It gives me hope that the life that I so richly deserve is just around the corner.
Nerd Girl: Ice cream is the best!!!! I especially like Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chocolate Chunk Chocolate ice cream. It’s HEAVENLY!!! :)
Pegs: Totally agree with you: Math Geekiness is GREAT!!!
Nat: I took the weekend off. Mags was in town. We’ve all been partying 24/7. No time to blog. New post on Monday.
Jay: Oooooh, we all deserve to live richly. :)
I don’t sweat the small stuff.
It’s all small stuff.
You’re soooo right. In the end, it’s ALL small stuff.