Is There Such a Thing as a Soulmate?
So, I’m reading Dooce the other day, and I stumble across one of her posts about her husband. Beautifully written. I’m not a mushy person, but after I read it I thought, “Seeeee, THAT’S what love is.” And, I’m not exactly sure if her post is the reason why, but a question popped into my head that day and I haven’t been able to get it out ever since. The question is this: Is there such a thing as a “soulmate”? You know, the idea that each of us has one special person out there who is an exact match for us. Or, do you think that, as we mature, we eventually “settle down” with someone who “fits” with most—but not all—of what we seek in a partner?
Me? I’m not sure what I believe. The cynical side of me says that the whole idea of a soulmate is kind of naïve. I mean, really, I don’t think there’s one “ideal” person any more than I believe that there’s one ideal job. At the same time, the idealist in me believes that there’s nothing more magically beautiful than when two complete strangers meet, get to know each other, and fall crazily in love with the other person’s being. One of my favorite lines from a movie is “the greatest thing that you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return” from Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge. (He took the line from Nat King Cole’s song Nature Boy.) Anyway, the idealist and the cynic in me are battling it out over the soulmate question. So, I’ll do what I usually do when this happens — I’ll ask all of you what you think. Again, here we go: Do you think that there’s such a thing as one true soulmate or do you think that we all eventually give up on the pursuit of a perfect mate and just “settle” for someone who “fits” us best?
August 30th, 2006 at 7:36 am
I honestly believe that you never really know whether the one you’re with is the one you’re SUPPOSED to be with. It’s just the amazing experience of love and lust and you just have to live it without questioning it… if it turns out that you’re with the right one, great. If not, be thankful that you met a special person that you had a connection with… (or at least be thankful that you met someone who will be your fodder for many a girl’s night… “It was HOW small?”)
that’s what i think anyhow…
August 30th, 2006 at 9:13 am
Yes, I think it is possible to find a person that fits you perfectly.
Throw this into your equation. What if you find your perfect someone, but you are not theirs?
August 30th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Well, when J and I got together I was too young to “just settle” because I was tired of looking, so I tend to be of the camp that he’s my soulmate. That said, I don’t think you get just one soulamte. You can have soulmates who aren’t lovers. Your best girlfirend can be your soulmate. A family member can be a soulmate. You might have lovers who you never connect with on that “spiritual” level and guys that you do connect with but aren’t attracted to. Sometime you get both the attraction and the “connection” but I think it can happen more than once.
August 30th, 2006 at 11:03 am
Stolie, dare I say it, but, “these are things to which only the [deity of your choosing, highly esteemed person, or the inner recessess of your soul] has answers!” :) This answer is becoming really useful as of late!
August 30th, 2006 at 11:07 am
Little A: You said, “I honestly believe that you never really know whether the one you’re with is the one you’re SUPPOSED to be with.” I think I agree with you on this one. There are sooo many people in the world. It seems hard to believe that there’s just *1* right person out there.
AWE: I don’t know if this means anything but … when two of my single guy friends the soulmate question, they both responded, “absolutely!!!” I wonder if men are more likely to believe that there’s only one true person for them, one soulmate. And, if guys are indeed more likely to believe this, does that mean that men are secretly more “romantic” than women? :) … Now, about that second part of your comment, the question of “What if you find your perfect someone, but you are not theirs?” AWE, this is the story of my life!!!!!! PAUL WALKER is *my* perfect someone, but *he* doesn’t even know that *I* exist. Oh, the woes of being a Paul Walker fan.
MamaChristy: Staring with my late 20s, I’ve noticed that more and more people seem to be going the “settling” route … By the way, I think I like the multi-soulmate idea. And, I *TOTALLY* get what you mean about the connection without attraction and vice versa!
the original bro: That reminds me … I SOOO need to put your email about “the questions” up on Conversations with Mags and Bro. :)
Hmmm … anyone else have any ideas about the soulmate thing?
August 30th, 2006 at 11:58 am
I think you can only believe in soulmates after you’ve found yours. Because before I met C.L., I thought that whole “soulmate thing” was a huge load of crap.
That being said, I believe we can have more than one soulmate in our lifetime, but what makes one greater and more permanent than another is TIMING. It’s all about the timing, my dear.
August 30th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Mamachristy is right on with saying soulmates aren’t necessarily lovers. Soulmates come in various packages and hopefully each one of us finds more than one person who touches and uplifts our soul.
As for the one and only theory? I don’t believe there is one true love for everyone. It’s more than just settling, it’s finding that person and connection bringing two whole people into a relationship that makes them better and happier together than apart. Many people could fall in that catagory over the course of a lifetime for a season or under certain circumstances.
All that being said, a permenant relationship should always be between two people who consider themselves soulmates. My mother gave me good advice, “Don’t marry the person you can live with, marry the one you can’t live without.”
August 30th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
At this moment in time, I think ’soulmate’ is a nice idea, maybe almost a little cheesy but then again, maybe I’ve never met the right person to make me hope that it’s more than just a nice idea! Why, who do you have in mind?
August 30th, 2006 at 6:05 pm
I’m inclined to agree with almost all of them. Have had such experiences.. and later had second thoughts. I like the “idea” of one soulmate per person, but I think it is possible to mave more than one.
Did I tell you, i’m getting married next year? I am soo over picking up girls and just having “fun”.. anxious.. but can’t wait :-)
August 30th, 2006 at 8:36 pm
Don’t know
I thought I had found that, but she turned out to be an unqualified disaster.
So these days I’m torn betw. wanting and not giving a shit. Not giving a shit wins out most days.
August 30th, 2006 at 10:34 pm
You are my Soul Mate sweetie.
Let’s get together and search for HAWT MENS!
Mwah!
August 30th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
Well as a person who just went through a break up with one that i thought had potential to be “the one’…you would think that I wouldn’t believe in them. However, I have to say…I believe in them more than ever. I am not sure everyone has a soulmate but I do believe they exist :)
August 30th, 2006 at 11:59 pm
I think it’s entirely possible to have a soulmate… and likely more than one. I mean, it’s possible to meet more than one person in your life with whom you connect so entirely; however, I think if you find someone like that then you aren’t likely to even be thinking about anyone else (not for a long time, anyway). So I guess what I’m saying is that I believe that people can have at least one soulmate, or even more.
August 31st, 2006 at 12:01 am
The person you think is The One now might be a total arsehole in a few years time, or turn out to be a serial killer or he might simply fall in love with someone else next week.
I think you’ll only ever know who The One is – or was – just before you die, when you can look back on your life and say “Yes, it was THIS person. And not the serial killer.”
August 31st, 2006 at 6:26 am
AmyD: It’s sounds like you and CL have a good thing going. That’s GREAT!!! :) And, I *totally* agree about the timing thing. I’ve met guys that I totally would have dated if I’d met them at a different time in my life. And, I’ve had relationships that worked really well because we were both ready for it and it was the right time.
Laurie: MamaChristy is very wise!!! So is your mother. :)
Nics: Oh, believe me, I have absolutely *no one* in mind. :)
momok: No, I sooo didn’t know that you’re getting married. Congrats to you and your lucky partner!!!
Raymond: Hmmm … sounds like you might need a break from dating.
Tonito Bandito: And, *YOU* are mine!!!! :) When/if you’re ever in New York, we should SOOO go dancing with all them HAWT MENS!
History Chic: If they exist, I think it’s only fair that everyone gets one. Maybe it’s just that you meet them in the next lifetime instead of this one (like AIDA and what not). But, you know, I’m not saying that I believe in “reincarnation”. And, I’m not saying that I don’t either. I’m not sure.
kypris: I *TOTALLY* know what you mean. I did find someone that I totally connected with. But, eventually, he changed. And, I changed too. Where there was once a “connection”, there no longer was. Was he my soulmate? Possibly. But, I’m not that person anymore. And, he’s not that guy. So, will I have that kind of connection with other people? I already have and I’m pretty sure that I will again.
Jay: Man, you are one funny person!!! :)
August 31st, 2006 at 11:34 am
It’s like the stars in the sky. There are just too many for there to NOT be life elsewhere, so in love, there are far too many people for someone to have ONE soulmate.
I think you have — at least — ten.
August 31st, 2006 at 12:27 pm
And, I’m inclined to agree with you.
August 31st, 2006 at 8:11 pm
I’m with Howard on this. There are many soulmates out there for each person. You must count yourself among the lucky if you find even one of them in this big, overpopulated world.
September 1st, 2006 at 10:33 am
I’ve been lucky in the past, and I’m sure more luck will com eto me in the future. When? Who knows. :)
September 1st, 2006 at 8:01 pm
Ohh, I really don’t know how to answer this.
The single cynical me would say that the concept of a soulmate is merely an illusion induced by oxytocin and what-not.
The non-single/non-cynical me would say “yes soulmates exist but they’re hard to find, and you know it when you find it”.
The realistic me would probably say that the concept of a soulmate is possible under the correct circumstances but needs to be approached with caution as it is easy to confuse a guy as a soul-mate just because he’s half decent and he’s new and you’re not bored with him yet and he hasn’t pissed you off yet (oh dear, is that me getting cynical again?! Explains why I’m still single at any rate!)
September 2nd, 2006 at 8:04 am
Darwin, I think you’re 100% correct. And, I think I kind of feel the same way. Part of me is cynical, part is idealistic, yada yada yada.
At any rate, it’s definitely food for thought …
October 8th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
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