September 2006

Today is the final day of “Dating Week“. Actually, wait a minute, back up. Technically, “Dating Week” ends on Friday, and there are two remaining questions: (1) The Genius wants to know why people like to be treated like crap and (2) Pegs wants to know when dates should be introduced to parents. I’m gonna take a pass on the first question. We kind of answered it with “why do women date assholes” and “bitches … men love them“. I’d love to talk about it more, but I can’t think of anything else to add.

So, parents it is.

I don’t really have any funny stories about introducing exes to parents. But, my guy friend Scooter once had his parents walk in on him having sex with his girlfriend. Of course, that’s a pretty fun story. But, it’s his — not mine. So, um, yeah, I got nothing for you. How about you? Anyone else have any thoughts on the parents question … Or, of course, feel free to share stories about parents (or others) walking in on you having sex.

{ 34 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Sheesh, how do you follow up a post on farting? If you’re joining us for the first time today, this week is “Dating Week” at the FUNKYBROWNCHICK. Over the weekend, I asked readers of this blog to pose questions about dating. And, throughout this week, we answer those questions. Yesterday’s question about farting in front of your partner was from Howard. Today’s questions is from long-time reader, John J. Enright.

Ahhhh, John wants to talk about the infamous non-date date. What’s a non-date date? And, why are they easier than real dates? A non-date date usually happens when two people who could possibly be sexually attracted to each other meet to go out, but either: (a) one person thinks it’s a date and the other one doesn’t or (b) both parties aren’t sure whether they’re romantically interested in each other.

Coffee is the non-date date drink of choice. Asking someone to go for drinks, dinner and/or a movie with you clearly consitutes a “date”. Asking someone for coffee, on the other hand, doesn’t. Splitting the bill. That’s another non-date date activity. Allowing a guy to pay for the whole evening, on the other hand, sends the signal that you’re on a real date. Hmmm … non-date date stories? I went out on a series of non-date dates with a guy in Chicago over a period of MONTHS. We’d go out for coffee, drinks, dinner, live music, movies and everything else together. He was a great guy and I enjoyed his company, but I wasn’t physically attracted to him. So, in my mind, I was hanging out with a friend. In his mind, he was wearing me down until I eventually caved in and agreed to “date” him. But, I couldn’t ever imagine kissing him. Hmmm … Do any of you out there have non-date date stories and/or different ideas of what constitutes a date vs. non-date date?

{ 16 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

It is *NEVER* okay to fart in front of your partner. Never. And, quite honestly, Bro and I have had brutal fights over this very question. Bro thinks it’s okay to open up your ass cheeks and let the foul, disgusting and crass winds blow right out of there. I, on the other hand, think that one should always … and I mean always … maintain a decent and holy level of sophistication when in front of those we expect to hold in high esteem. Discuss, people — to fart or not to fart in front of your partner? That is the question.

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Oh, and, by the way, a big fat thanks goes out to Howard for causing the unholy and still ongoing brawl between me and my Bro. :)

{ 62 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

“How does the dating scene vary from city to city?” asks an anonymous reader known only as ‘The Genuis’. What a great question to kick off the First Annual Dating Week! (Fret not. We’ll get to each of the questions. I’m just answering them in no particular order.) According to Forbes magazine … drum roll please … Denver, Colorado is the best place to live — if you’re single. Yep, folks, you heard it here. If you’re flying solo, you’d better hope that your plane is heading toward the mile-high city. Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably asking yourself, “Why the hell is DENVER the best place for single people?!?!” Well, according to Forbes, Denver deserves the top spot, in part, because of the high percentage of single people living in the city.

Hmmm … Wouldn’t having an unusually high percentage of single people in your city be an indication that it’s actually HARDER to date there, not easier? Otherwise, you know, why is everyone still single? Clearly, something isn’t working. But, hey, what do I know? I’m not an expert at these things. I’m just a girl with a blog … and a failed dating life. But, back to Denver. No wait, screw Denver. I wanna know about my city. I wanna know about New York.

When describing NYC, Jen Carlson comments in the Forbes article: “I think a good blanket term that could describe the entire city’s singles scene would be ‘harsh.’ Or maybe ‘competitive.’ I’m pretty sure that even the guys with the girlfriends are also dating other people.” I couldn’t agree more. Hell, just the other day I was scrolling through my own cell phone and I came across two numbers that I didn’t even recognize. “Who the hell is Neil?” I wondered. And, Ben? Was he the guy with the oil spot on his tie? I shit you not, when a guy gives me his number now, I always program in a code word along with his name. For example, Martin is programmed in as “Martin the German” and Frank is “Frank – Bob’s Friend”.

Don’t get me wrong. I mean, it’s not like I’m dating oh-so-many people. It’s just easy to meet guys in New York. But, quality guys? Now, that’s a different story. That’s harder. And, it’s even harder still to meet a quality guy who actually wants to date you exclusively. Hmmm … tell me … What’s the dating scene in YOUR city?

{ 16 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Why didn’t anyone tell me that last week was National Singles Week?! If I had only known, I would have devoted the entire week to posts related to dating, mating, hookin’ up and other things that single people do. Actually, fuck it, I’m gonna do it anyway. I mean, you know, this blog has already tackled such questions as Why Do Women Date Assholes? and What Does “I’ll Call You” Mean?. And, not to mention, we’ve also already talked about the third date rule and soulmates. So, yeah, next week is Dating Week at the FUNKYBROWNCHICK. Bro, I’ll have you know, claims that every week is dating week at the FBC. But, you know, this coming week is gonna be a little more special than the others because I’m gonna let YOU tell me the topics. So, tell me … Are their any specific topics that you guys would like to discuss? Any ideas for which dating questions we should tackle?

{ 6 folks got down with the Funky Brown }