Are You My Ex-Boyfriend?
Okay, kiddies! It’s time to take a test to see which of my ex-boyfriends you most resemble. To make it interesting, I’ll limit the list to the five exes that I think are the most dissimilar from each other. (Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know. This is a shameless thievery of a similar “test” posted by the Fake Doctor. But, hey, I told him I was going to steal it, didn’t I?
1. How do we meet?
A. Dating service.
B. At a bar.
C. Via a mutual friend.
D. At a friend’s party.
E. In grad school.
2. What’s your opinion on fatness?
A. Gross.
B. Gross.
C. All Americans are fat, and it’s gross.
D. You want your girlfriends to weigh themselves regularly so that you can be sure they don’t gain weight.
E. You’re manorexic. You own a personal scale, and you weigh yourself daily.
3. What’s your personal “style”?
A. You’re an international man of fashion.
B. You’re put together. You dress very nicely, and you spend a lot of money on your hair.
C. You let me pick out your clothes.
D. You’re a trainer for a football team and you dress in sports clothing.
E. You’re fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.
4. How’s the sex?
A. Your penis is HUGE. Think: third leg.
B. Low libido. You never want to have sex.
C. Good. Consistently good.
D. You want to cum in my face, and I won’t let you.
E. You shave it bald and wear a pink thong.
5. According to Mags and Bro, what word best describes you?
A. Mags says “arrogant” and Bro says “asshole”.
B. Mags says “high-maintenance” and Bro says “ewwwww, he is eventually going to be like Julia Roberts’ husband in Sleeping with the Enemy!!!!”
C. Mags says “nice” and Bro says “nice … until he got all bitch-ass.”
D. Mags says “killer” and Bro says “killer”.
E. Mags says “gay” and Bro says “fagelah”.
6. When does our relationship end?
A. When you say something like, “I’m young, wealthy and good-looking — I don’t need to be tied down by a relationship.”
B. When I leave you because you try to lock me in your house.
C. When you get scared and decide you’re not ready to get married.
D. When I leave you because you say you’d like to chop me into little pieces.
E. When I leave you because you reveal that you’re gay.
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Scoring: mostly A’s = you’re like Le Canadien; mostly B’s = you’re like Blondie; mostly C’s = you’re like The Guy I Almost Married; mostly D’s = you’re like the Sociopathic Guy I dated for 3 months; or mostly E’s = you’re most like The Face (the Man Who Wore a Thong). So, now tell me about one of your exes …
September 13th, 2006 at 9:41 am
WOW.
You are a freak magnet.
Let’s see… I don’t have quite so many, um, unusual dudes in my past. There was the separated-but-still-technically-married guy. I was really young and didn’t realize how crappy that was. Goodness, but he was HOT though.
September 13th, 2006 at 11:22 am
I’m like the man you almost married, how ’bout that?
One of my x’s was a nymphomaniac, which was nice. She was a complete psycho otherwise. The psychosis won over her need to have my penis in her mouth, so I dumped her.
September 13th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
I’m the man you almost married AND I’m gay. (Tie between C & E). I don’t have any weird ex stories actually. The guys I’ve dated tended to be somewhat low-key and introverted because, basically, baby don’t need the attention competition. Mmm-hmmm.
September 13th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
I think I fall somewhere between B and C. Who knew…
September 13th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
you don’t wanna know
September 13th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Hold on…You actually dated a man who wore a thong and shaved his pubes and you didnt think for a second that he was gay until he actually told you himself?!
I don’t quite resemble ANY of your exes, which I think is a good thing because some of their qualities sound extremely dodgy!
September 13th, 2006 at 5:46 pm
This is hilarious Stolie! I can safely say, however, that I’m not like any of your exes. Maybe that’s why we get along?
It was great to meet you last night. Happy to have found your place. I’ll be back fo sho. Liz
September 13th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Oooo…. the new blog is purdy! LOVE IT! Congrats!
September 13th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Wait.
Do I get a boy snack for taking the quiz?
September 13th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Here you go, xoxo
1) A
2) E
3) E
4) C
5) C
6) End? That’s not what you were saying when I was in the kitchen kissing you this morning with one arm around you and the coffee pot in my free hand and you with one arm around me and both our mugs in your free hand.
Sorry, I don’t like to lose.
September 13th, 2006 at 10:15 pm
MamaChristy: He was *married*??? You sooo have to blog about that sometime.
The MERKIN MAN: Okay.
Howard: I usually date men who are a bit more quiet / more shy than I am for the exact same reason. ;)
Mitch: Somewhere in between Blondie & TGIAM, huh? Interesting mix.
Carlos: Ok. I guess I’ll take your word for it.
Darwin: That’s why they’re *exes*. :)
Mom101: You’re probably right! :) And, yes, it was great to see you too!!!
Raymond: Thanks for participating in the quiz.
September 18th, 2006 at 1:15 am
Okay.
Have you considered letting a friend choose your dates…just for kicks? Kidding. Better luck will come. No more being swayed by a pretty face! Go for the (I know it’s cliche, but try) NICE GUYS!
September 18th, 2006 at 8:14 am
Hmmmm … I’m not so sure that the “let-your-friends-pick-your-dates” is a bad idea!!! :) Clearly, I’m sometimes rendered incapable of making good decisions in this arena. :)