Comments on: Real Date vs. Non-date Date

By: Joy

Joy — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:45:50 +0000

It can be 5 hours long, he can pay for everything, it can include dinner, and still be a non-date.

By: nandoism

nandoism — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:54:53 +0000

oooh….girl, I have a bone to pick with you! hahaha.
I totally don’t buy into the who non-date date.

If HE thought it was a date and you didn’t–it was a DATE for him,
maybe not for you–it was still a date. If you both were on the same page,
then it was jut hanging out–the word date shouldn’t even come into play.

You have inspired a blog post out of me–watch out!

sister, we need to get together for coffee soon!

much love,

Nando

By: Bride

Bride — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 19:54:24 +0000

I am married, so I don’t date anymore. But I did have those “first-meet” dates, “non-date dates”, and “date-dates” before I met my husband. I can only say I hate dating, specially blind dates. I am just glad that the life of “meeting strangers and talking about yourself” has ended.

By: funkybrownchick

funkybrownchick — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 13:44:57 +0000

And, I haven’t been on a date (or non-date) since Sven Johann Laarson exited the picture.

By: Bexxie

Bexxie — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 12:36:09 +0000

I gave up dating when they invented the wheel .. now I just non date ;o)

By: FUNKYBROWNCHICK

FUNKYBROWNCHICK — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 03:03:36 +0000

Darwin: That is a HILARIOUS story!! :) And, I actually read the whole thing. :) History Chic: 30-something chicks ROCK!!! :) I'm a 30-something chick. Momok: Agreed! No one likes to be left hanging on. :( John Enright: THANKS for the question!

By: John Enright

John Enright — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:07:10 +0000

Wow, great comments, glad I asked!

By: Momok

Momok — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 22:20:19 +0000

Very interesting… topic / comments…

I’ve been on non-date dates before… quite a few times actually.. sometimes I had hoped for more.. and at other times… just wanted to hangout.. something to do.. some company. Have had some good friendship come out of such non-date dates. It is pressure free (almost) and easy going.

what ever it is, I think the intent should be made clear!!! It’s never a nice feeling to be left hanging!

By: History Chic

History Chic — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 20:02:45 +0000

I totally agree, though it is both beneficial and frustrating. You put together a string of non-dates then you run into whether or not to transition, have one or more parties felt that you were dating but the other one does not, is non-dating keeping you from being available for real-dating (if that is what you would call it) because you are getting some kind of need fullfilled without having to push further. As a girl in her mid-30′s, dating (non-dating) is actually way more complicated than in my 20′s (probably because it was filled with a lot of non-dates)!!! So dating itself is complicated and undefined…I almost wonder what it was like to date in a time when it was more structured (not that I would go back but sometimes I long for the definition)!!

By: Darwin

Darwin — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 19:59:07 +0000

My best non-date story is quite funny. It’s a long story but let me try and lay out the basics for you, because it’s a funny story! (I almost blogged about it but decided it wasn’t too respectful to do that!)

So I’m at my graduation ball and about 5 cocktails and 3 bottles of wine and a few deadly tequilla shots later, I am pretty sloshed. While waiting for the bus back home, I see a guy who is on the same course as me. He’s always been shy and polite around me and we’ve never talked about anything more than coursework or the weather, in other words he’s a nice harmless geeky sort of guy (lets call him X). So he comes upto me and says hi and we get the bus back home together. He ends up sitting next to me and by this time the alcohol has hit me harder and I’m in grin-at-everything-foolishly mode. After a while I realise someone is holding my hand. WTF?! So I take a while to process this and then realise it’s X. So now I was faced with a dilema; if I yank my hand away I risk offending/hurting him and I genuinely didn’t want to do that. If I keep my hand in his grip, I am possibly showing interest. The minutes are ticking while I am having this internal dilema and I realise I have to do something either way. I pretend to check my phone for messages and get my hand out of his grip. Miraculously the bus rolls to a stop and I get off hastily and tell him I’ll see him around.

Phew! I thought that was that. But no, two days later he texts me asks me out for a drink. So I think I’d do the good thing by meeting him for a drink and telling him personally that I did not mean to give him the wrong idea on the bus and I was merely drunk. So I DID do the communication part! He responds with an thats-all-cool and proceeds to ask me for a movie a few days later. A drink at the pub. You get the picture. Throughout I made it pretty clear I wasn’t interested in a relationship, I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend and I didn’t want anything other than friendship; I didnt SPECIFICALLY spell it though. Eventually it reached a point where I realised I did have to spell it out for him, which I did with much distaste (because nobody likes to reject a non-aggresive non-stalker harmless sort of guy, it makes you feel like a bitch when you know you shouldnt).

So yeah never ever hold someone’s hand when you’re drunk because you’re most likely to end up with a few awkward non-dates and a very awkward conversation!

That said, non-dating is excellent for label-phobes like me who cannot handle the name-tag of “girlfriend” too soon. Seeing/non-dating someone is an excellent way to hang out with someone and test the waters beforehand and also provides you with a “I thought we were just hanging out as friends, I’m sorry if I inadverently gave you the wrong impression about my intentions” safety door.

However it sucks to be non-dating someone you really like and have them throw it back at you, as I’m sure “handy-X” felt. It’s a tough world!