Juicy details coming soon …. :-)
From the monthly archives:
September 2006
Okay, okay, okay … so, all this talk about The WYSIWYG Talent Show has put the idea of “entertainment” on my mind lately. What’s funny? What’s not? What’s good entertainment? What isn’t. So, in light of this, I thought I’d tell you what I’ve been entertaining myself with in recent days …
Movie. If you haven’t seen It’s All Gone Pete Tong yet, you don’t know what you’re missing!!! It’s HILARIOUS!!! It’s a Canadian film about a British DJ that takes place in Spain. What’s more? The DJ is going deaf. Yep, a deaf DJ. It sounds a lot quirkier than it actually is. But, trust me — if you love music, you should see this film.
TV. Really, I mean, who DOESN’T watch Entourage?!?! I usually don’t watch television, because I kicked the box a couple of years back. But, I’m a film buff. And, I’m a hardcore Netflix junkie. So, when the gods over at Netflix recommended this series to me on DVD several months ago, I obediently added it to my queue. And, I’ve been absolutely hooked ever since!!!
Radio. Women + talk radio = sexy!!!!!! GreenStone Media is the first of its kind. It’s a by women, for women (and men) talk radio station that feature amazingly fabulous women. They’re just starting out, so don’t be freaked out if you haven’t heard of them quite yet. They’re gonna be HUGE. (Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda and other long-standing heavy-hitters are backing the project.) So, if you start listening now … you’ll be ahead of the bandwagon.
Website. Do you live in Chicago, New York, Boston, Washington DC or San Francisco? If so, then you simply must get acquainted with HopStop.com and the man who created it. Basically, you enter the addresses of your starting point and your destination on their website, then HopStop tells you how to get there by foot or public transportation. Great, huh?
Book. Ewwwwwww! Another “OMG-have-you-read” dating book is out. David Zinczenko’s book, Men, Love, and Sex: A Complete User’s Guide for Women, is on everyone’s lips these days. This disturbs me. As we’ve discussed before … I’m a very nosey naturally curious person. It just kills me when EVERYONE is reading something that I haven’t read yet. I wonder, “What do they know that I don’t know?!?!? What secrets of the earth are contained in that book?!?!?!” Usually, the answer is: None, Funky Brown Chick. There are NO secrets of the earth contained in that book. Still, I have to admit: I’m going to read ML&S. Who knows, maybe Mr. Zinczenko will surprise me.
Okay, so that’s what I’ve been doing to entertain myself lately. How about you? Why don’t you scroll up to the header of this post and use the comment section to tell me what YOU’VE been doing to entertain yourself lately … And, fellas, please spare us all from your oh-so-funny jokes about choking your chicken. ;-)
It’s Monday. You know what that means don’t you? There are only two more days until my debut at The WYSIWYG Talent Show. Are you coming? If so, see you there. If not, wish me luck!! By the way — for those of you who can’t attend — I asked the organizers if anyone was taping the event, and they said no because they still need someone to volunteer to do it. This disturbs me because I want to be sure that each of you (my dear, sweet, honey-dipped readers that don’t live in New York) can see the show, too. So, here’s what we’re going to do … if you’re reading these words right now and you live in the New York area *and* you’ve got a means of taping stuff, please email me. (See “contact” at the top right of this site.)
By the way, I still have absolutely no idea what I’m going to talk about, but I have exactly 10 minutes and the theme is “Pink Slips, You’re Fired.” Hmmm … less than 48 hours to pull it all together.
To the homeless woman who now has my vibrator, I say this … Believe it or not, it was NOT my intention to give that to you. You may not know this, but I’m in the process of moving. And, as with every move, something gets lost. I just didn’t expect to lose my vibrator. And, I certainly never expected to give it to someone else.
But, I should have seen it coming. As I’m packing earlier that evening, I divide all of my bathroom stuff up into “Things I Want to Throw Away” and “Things I Want to Keep”. I take a box downstairs to the curb. Waste not, want not. I’m sure SOMEONE can use the extra rolls of tissue, bars of soap, and out-of-season beauty products. Besides, it’s New York. It’s a proven fact that anything left unattended here for more than 5 minutes WILL get stolen. And lo and behold, as predicted, my box was gone within seconds. Did you take it, my dear sweet homeless friend?
Ah, the box. Unfortunately, in a fit of utter madness and confusion that only comes with moving, I put the KEEPERS on the curb instead of the throwaways. And, I don’t realize it until later than night when I ask myself, “Where’s my toothbrush?” Gone. The most important box in the sea of brown boxes is gone. My $70 rotational oscillating power toothbrush? Gone. My organic shampoo from Italy? Gone. Oh, my lovable homeless friend, I really hope that you pamper yourself with my vitamin-enriched, waterproof, great lash mascara. And, may the cracks in your lips be healed by my cherry-flavored lip balm. Everyone deserves a little luxury from time to time, right? So, trust me when I say this to you my vagabond amiga … I’m glad that SOMEONE is getting good use out of my $75 sex toy imported from Sweden—even if that someone isn’t me anymore.
Same FUNKYBROWNCHICK. New look. You liiiiiiike? Seriously, I’d love to hear what you think. Please share your thoughts in the comment section … Oh yeah, by the way … that reminds me … slight difference between the old site and the new site — the comments are located on the top of the post, under the post title.
Okay, kiddies! It’s time to take a test to see which of my ex-boyfriends you most resemble. To make it interesting, I’ll limit the list to the five exes that I think are the most dissimilar from each other. (Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know. This is a shameless thievery of a similar “test” posted by the Fake Doctor. But, hey, I told him I was going to steal it, didn’t I?
1. How do we meet?
A. Dating service.
B. At a bar.
C. Via a mutual friend.
D. At a friend’s party.
E. In grad school.
2. What’s your opinion on fatness?
A. Gross.
B. Gross.
C. All Americans are fat, and it’s gross.
D. You want your girlfriends to weigh themselves regularly so that you can be sure they don’t gain weight.
E. You’re manorexic. You own a personal scale, and you weigh yourself daily.
3. What’s your personal “style”?
A. You’re an international man of fashion.
B. You’re put together. You dress very nicely, and you spend a lot of money on your hair.
C. You let me pick out your clothes.
D. You’re a trainer for a football team and you dress in sports clothing.
E. You’re fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.
4. How’s the sex?
A. Your penis is HUGE. Think: third leg.
B. Low libido. You never want to have sex.
C. Good. Consistently good.
D. You want to cum in my face, and I won’t let you.
E. You shave it bald and wear a pink thong.
5. According to Mags and Bro, what word best describes you?
A. Mags says “arrogant” and Bro says “asshole”.
B. Mags says “high-maintenance” and Bro says “ewwwww, he is eventually going to be like Julia Roberts’ husband in Sleeping with the Enemy!!!!”
C. Mags says “nice” and Bro says “nice … until he got all bitch-ass.”
D. Mags says “killer” and Bro says “killer”.
E. Mags says “gay” and Bro says “fagelah”.
6. When does our relationship end?
A. When you say something like, “I’m young, wealthy and good-looking — I don’t need to be tied down by a relationship.”
B. When I leave you because you try to lock me in your house.
C. When you get scared and decide you’re not ready to get married.
D. When I leave you because you say you’d like to chop me into little pieces.
E. When I leave you because you reveal that you’re gay.
————-
Scoring: mostly A’s = you’re like Le Canadien; mostly B’s = you’re like Blondie; mostly C’s = you’re like The Guy I Almost Married; mostly D’s = you’re like the Sociopathic Guy I dated for 3 months; or mostly E’s = you’re most like The Face (the Man Who Wore a Thong). So, now tell me about one of your exes …
It’s late in the afternoon, about 3:00pm. I’m in Europe, and I’m sitting at my desk at work when I get a strange email from my employer. They’re letting us know that a plane has hit the World Trade Center. I immediately think two things: (1) why does this information qualify for an all-staff email and (2) what are the pilots drinking these days?!?! I continue my work until it is interrupted by a second email. Another plane. Another tower. Hijackers suspected. I freeze. Hijackers? The planes were hijacked? I don’t understand. You mean, somebody is doing this on purpose? I want to know what’s going on but, because I’m at work, I don’t have access to a television. I go to http://www.cnn.com/. Their site has crashed, so I try BBC. Same problem. As the news unfolds and I get a better grasp on what is happening, I can’t help but ask myself: Are we at war? And, if so, with whom? I grab my purse, and I leave the building. I’m going home for the rest of the day.
I spend the evening ( … and the evenings thereafter) crouched in front of my television. It’s hard to watch, but I can’t peel myself away. And, besides, it’s the only thing on. It’s Europe, so my TV has channels from television stations in Germany, the Netherlands, England, and France. Everyone is speaking different languages, but they’re all talking about the same thing. And, it sounds strange to say it but … I wish I was at home. Imagined horrors are often worse than actual horrors. (For example, a son or daughter would rather hear “your mother broke her arm” than “something terrible has happened to your mother.”) Accordingly, I think was harder for me to experience September 11 from abroad than it would have been for me to experience it at home. My friends and family in the US all knew exactly what was happening. They were here. It was their reality. From abroad, I was left to imagine what it was like to be in the US. Is everyone scared? Are they watching this on television over and over like I am? Is everyone carrying on like usual? What’s it like to be at home right now? Is everything okay?
September 11 stories. We all have them. Mine is a story about how it felt to be an American living abroad. I’d share the full story here, but it’s long and complicated. (When I write my book, I’ll share it there.) Of all of the stories that have been told about September 11, the ones that touch me most can be found in this little-known film and these blogs. The film first. Eleven directors, eleven different countries, and eleven different short stories about how they each experience September 11. I like it because I think it fully captures the idea that the lives of many people — not only those in New York — were affected by the events that day in September. Now, the blogs. The site “nyc bloggers” has a list of New York bloggers who posted on and around that day in September. “We all turned to our blogs,” they say, “to write about our experience, our feelings, our anger and our fears and our grief.” Some of the stories are several pages long and unbelievably powerful. Others are simple but meaningful — like this one, for example. So, tell me: What’s your September 11 story? Where were you on this day five years ago? Alternatively, if you don’t want to share your story, tell me about a book, film, poem or other story about September 11 that has caught your eye.
