New York City vs Chicago: Subways

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If New York City was an ugly & bitchy woman and she got into a fist fight with Chicago (another ugly & bitchy woman) who would win? Hmmmm … this is a difficult question. Chicago vs. New York. This war is much too big to tackle in one post. So, I’ll take it one battle at a time. Today’s battle? Morning subway commutes. Chicago’s subway system, the “L”, is also called the CTA. New York’s subway system is the MTA. Got it? CTA = Chicago. MTA = New York City. Whose subway commute is better? Okay, here we go … To perform this serious & scientific research, I consult the experts: Craigslist Chicago and Craigslist New York. I base my judgments on: (1) riders’ ability to flirt while in transit; (2) the presence of annoying people; (3) safety; and (4) residents’ love for their particular subway system.

Let’s start with flirting. Although Chicagoans flirt on the train just as much as New Yorkers do, New Yorkers have elevated the activity to an art form complete with guidelines and hand signals. Good job MTA riders! New York, 1. Chicago, 0. Next? Annoying people. Although the guys who whack off on the train are indeed annoying, New Yorkers seem to most loathe the oversized people who take up two MTA seats. Chicagoans, on the other hand, have a problem with smelly people–or, as one Craigslister writes, “the great unwashed among us“. Given the choice, I’d rather be squished than have my nostrils assaulted. New York 2, Chicago 0. Speaking of assaults, now let’s talk about safety. While New York’s MTA riders fear getting mugged by strangers, Chicago’s CTA riders actually strive to assault their fellow riders. Hmmm … tough one. Would I rather: (A) have my lunch money taken by strangers or (B) have a fellow rider throttle me for talking on the phone? I’m gonna go with “B”, because I can always use my phone as a weapon and fight back. Hear that Chicagoans? I’m not afraid of you!!! I’m safe. So, that’s a point for Chicago. Wait … wait … that’s actually a point for NEW YORK because … well … um … I said so. New York, 3. Chicago, 0.

From men who sit with their “legs spread as far as ergonomically possible” to women who use their strollers to wedge the subway doors open, it takes all sorts to ride the MTA in New York. Chicago’s subway riders come in an equally wide variety; however, a Chicagoan who penned the most endearing love letter to the CTA won my heart over. Point for Chicago. So, ladies and gentlemen, there we have it: New York wins over Chicago, 3 – 1. So, now, I guess this means that I *HAVE TO* stay in New York forever. ;)