What Do U Wanna B When U Grow Up?
Friday. I kinda felt like a goofy little teenager suffering from a bout of homesickness: I wanted to go home. I missed my family. (Actually, that sentence should probably be in present tense because I *still* miss them.) This may be an odd questions, but: Do you ever get the feeling that you’re “too old” to experience a certain emotion? You know, like … when you start dating someone and you get that stupid-giddy feeling everytime you see them? Or, for example, when you feel homesick? Or, how about this one: insecurity.
I don’t know what my problem is but, lately, I’ve being feeling a little insecure. I’ve been questioning my decisions and second-guessing the State of My Life. Don’t get me wrong — I love New York, and I’m not giving up on it. Still, I wonder … Am on moving in the “right” direction … whatever that might be? I feel like I’m changing, growing, and partaking in new experiences here in the city. And, I feel like life is moving quickly around me. But, I’m not really sure if I’m “going” anywhere. And, I’m not even sure if “going somewhere” should be my goal. Does any of this make sense?
Ahhhhh … When you’re a child, people ask: “what do you want to be when you grow up?” And, the answer is also something career-related. I wanna be a doctor, a teacher, or something else like that. But, when you’re an adult, it seems kinda silly to ask yourself that question because you already have your career, right? Nevertheless … as I click-click-click away on my laptop, I think that’s exactly the question that I’ve been asking myself lately: WHAT DO I WANNA BE WHEN I GROW UP? Five years from now, ten years from now … Will I still live in New York? What will be my career? Will I have a long-term partner (who is gorgeous & foreign *BUT* not an asshole)? If I were a different person, I’d probably spend less time worrying about the future and more time living in the now. But, in the meantime, I’m gonna ask you the question that I’ve been asking myself: what do YOU want to be when you grow up?
November 13th, 2006 at 3:22 am
I want to be happy with where I am, what I’ve done, satusfied with who I’ve become, and who/what I continue to be/do. How can you get better than growing up to be happy?!
November 13th, 2006 at 4:30 am
I read somewhere that life is one never-ending journey, because as soon as you reach your destination (eg: graduating from university) you would always have a new destination (eg: find a job, buy a house, that sort of thing). So the destination ultimately keeps changing and the only constant is the fact that we are always moving towards something, we always have goals to meet, places to reach, that sort of thing. You can never know if you’re heading in the right direction or not because there is no right direction as such (unless you’re a meth addict with six illegitimate kids and no job, then you really ARE heading in the wrong direction!).
Anyway you get my point. Everyone questions themselves at some point or the other, but if you feel happy with where you are, if you feel content…(ok let me rephrase cuz no one is ever 100% happy or content; if you are not UNHAPPY and if you are not DISCONTENT) then you probably are heading along the right track. Goals and dreams and ambitions keep changing, and if at some point in the future you realise you are not happy, then do what you need to do to switch tracks, but remember, right now, you are doing what you think is right according to your judgement right now based on the facts at hand, right now. Hindsight regret is simply unrealistic and a complete waste of time.
What do I want to be when I grow up..well, ever since I read Jurassic Park when I was about 13 I wanted to be a scientist, specifically a molecular biologist..and right now I am that. So its simply a case of trudging on although I have my moments when an experiment refuses to work and I throw my hands up and think to myself “I actually wanted to do this????!”
Sorry for the long comment!
November 13th, 2006 at 10:31 am
I would like to be gorgeous & foreign, but I could never give up the asshole thing.
November 13th, 2006 at 10:47 am
I want to be happy. I’m currently experiancing something of a major “quarter-life crisis” in the whole “what do I want to BE” category. Every other day I have a new idea or ambition. One day I’m going to go back to school for soemthing practical like accounting, the next I want to own a small theater or restaurant, and the next I just want to be a stay at home mom. I’ve always been that way though. My childhood goals ranged from theater, to entomology, to math, to neurology.
I really wish I had a clue.
The fortunate part is that I do have a good support system of friend, family, and the boy. They love me despite my flakey nature when it comes to my future, and if I ever do decide somethign they’ll still love me. And THAT makes me happy.
November 13th, 2006 at 11:25 am
I think we all question what we want to be!! For me, career wise…I would love to be a High School History Teacher. Oddly enough, I need to stock away enough money so I can afford to be one. Isn’t that crazy? I like, no love, my current career but 10 years from now, I want to be working a lot less ;)
I would love to get married, find that one guy who will accept me in all my craziness, and one who I love for all his flaws. I think emotionally I am there but it just isn’t happening.
Overall, I think life is a journey that twists and turns…we are always looking forward and wondering what will change. For me that is a bit exhausting and I need to learn to live in the moment a little more ;)
Thanks for posting, it is great to think about these things occasionally!!!
November 13th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Believe it or not, I want to be a meteorologist. I’ve always been a weather buff and when I did a search for the best meteorology schools in the US, I found one of the top 25 was right here in Denver.
Otherwise, I want to have a lounge act in Vegas doing lounge versions of techno-dance songs (because the lounge rock song has been done to death).
“‘Don’t call me baaaaaby’ ….baby. Hey, how ya doin’ tonight. Cha-HA!”
November 13th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
I always wanted to be a nurse but I was too afraid to go after that dream. Plus getting married at 18 has a way of putting a hold on things. I ended up working 20 years in retail. UGH! Not even close.
I’m thankful I don’t have to do that anymore but I still want something else, even now! People will tell me that raising 3 kids is a career, and it was/is a full time job for sure. I feel I’m being selfish when I think that’s not enough. I’m very proud of my kids. One son is a fireman, one is a fireman/paramedic and my daughter still has the world at her feet. Once in awhile though, I still get that nagging feeling that I should have done something. Something more. That maybe I still could, even with the vision limitations I have now. Maybe…
So, Stolie, at 47 years old, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!
November 13th, 2006 at 3:23 pm
I just want to be independently wealthy, sipping fruity drinks in a tropical climate. Does that make me sound totally lazy? :) Since I’m not yet wealthy enough (or, well, at all), I’ll just keep on livin’ how I’m livin’. Took ages for me to get to this point, but I think I’m finally satisfied with most aspects of my life.
November 13th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
Kristal said it well.
Some days I think I am grown up and doing what I want to do (mothering). But then I think about what I want to do when the kids are in school and I can do things for me that also make money. I never really chose what I wanted to be when I was working; I was open to whatever jobs sounded like they were fun and worthwhile. Perhaps I will just wait and see what my next profession will be.
November 13th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Dammit, Stolie, would you get out of my head?!… Hahaha!
Ahh, that ever-elusive question of “what do I want to be when I grow up?…” My dad always tells me he still doesn’t know that answer to that question, and since he’s almost 60, I figure I might as well stop asking myself this bullshit and just try to find what I will enjoy doing, even if only for a little while.
I’ve been doing some soul-searching after the election. Yes, I still have my job for another 4 years now, but do I really WANT it? Ugh, I hate these questions, because I ALWAYS feel insecure by the blank thoughts that follow when I ask myself.
So, basically, you aren’t alone, but maybe that just means we’re all fucked. ;o)
November 13th, 2006 at 4:39 pm
When I grow up, I want to be Happy and that it. Not that I am not happy now, but it’s human to not be content.
The fact that we do feel homesick says a lot about us and the people in our lives
I do get the feeling that everything is just flying past me.
When I was much younger, I couldn’t wait to grow up and do adult stuff, now that i’m here, I want to be a kid again and not worry about anything else but stress over excuses, that I need to come up with, to prove that the broken window is not my fault!!! Honest, it wasn’t my fault.
November 13th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Hey Stolie,
In short, you’re definately NOT alone in having those sort of thoughts. For one, I don’t think any of us EVER grow up (completely). As for what I want to be when I grow up, I’m doing it – living each day and having a good time.
Everything else is incidental…
November 13th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
What I want to be changes every few years so don’t worry about it so much.
1. a teacher – 4th grade
2. a veternarian – 7th grade
3. CIA – 8th grade
4. lawyer – 9th grade
4. rock star – 10th thru 12th grade
5. photographer – fresh/soph college
6. a copywriter – jr college
7. a graphic artist – sr college (after I was about to graduate with the wrong degree)
Now I’m going BACK to school to get what I wanted to get in the 1st place, and probably decide that I want to be something else instead :) We all are indecisive and have insecurities. It’s the journey, like Darwin said.
November 13th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
how, hard to say.. well, when things happen in your life (i.e. work weekends like I’m doing now) and all that kind of crap I do really imagine that in five years from now I’ll be able to work wherever I want and be more allowed to choose things for myself that at the time being, I can’t. The rest it’s easy.. you gotta keep swimming and be cool enough to do well like everybody else but stand out for being original in a field.. who wants to be 100% normal? I think it’s good to be a grownup and still do silly things.. I hope that I’ll still do them in 5 years.. well, I’ll guess we’ll see in 2011 LOL! take care and keep hunting for yummy foreigners!
November 13th, 2006 at 7:57 pm
Well Stolie,
Given the number of people who replied to this post you are definately not alone. I think I’m in the camp that says, “I want to be happy.” The only problem with that is I’m trying to figure out what it is that will make me happy. I’m happy right now, so does that mean I’ve made it (I’m a grown up). Hmmm, can I get happier – what about those days when I’m super happy but that’s because I’ve spent the day outdoors, in the sunshine, walking around a city I love and then spending the evening with people who never fail to make me laugh (To me, that’s true happiness). It’s even better when I’ve worked my butt off all week to finish a project. Ok now I’m sharing incomplete thoughts, but sometimes that’s just how it has to be.
Oh and this is random – but Howard I like both your career paths. I think you’d be very entertaining in either – and that’s just from reading what you write here.
November 13th, 2006 at 11:51 pm
You’ve got to read this!
http://www.louisville.edu/a-s/english/subcultures/colors/blue/ammanu01/elevenhtml
It’s exactly how you opened your post.
I’m trying like heck to be happy about the parts of my life that have turned out just the way I always imagined they’d be and leave the rest to work out “someday.” Like so many have said, I want to be happy in the here-and-now, while still leaving room for improvement.
November 14th, 2006 at 2:53 am
To know happiness wherever I’m at; to have confidence in who I am/what I know/can do; patient with my shortcomings; wise and just in the words that I use; and to live and love without expectations or assumptions.
In short, I’d like to be perfect.
(But I’d settle for the first three)
And I think I’d really like to be a photographer if this writing thing doesn’t pan out.
November 14th, 2006 at 9:05 am
Everyone: THANKS for being so open and honest. :) It’s clear that I’m not the only one thinking about the State of Life.
Kristal: Good point. The great one (Oprah) once said that we can only make “happiness” our goal once we actually know what makes us happy.
Darwin: Hey, you never have to apologize for long comments; I really appreciate your thoughts. I especially like what you’ve said about *not* being unhappy and *not* being discontent. I might not know if I’m 100% on the “right” track, but I do know that I’m not on the “wrong” one. And, maybe that okay for now.
AWE: That’s funny! :)
El: Own a small theater!!! Own a small theater!!! Chicago is a *GREAT* city for theater!!! :)
History Chic: And thank *you* for reading and participating / commenting.
Howard: Really??? Are you going to take classes there? That would be really cool! But, I must admit … I think the lounge act thing would be even better!! :) By the way, Bro *LOVES* techno like nobody’s business.
mel: If you have desires that you’d like to pursue that have little (or nothing) to do with your children, that does NOT make you selfish. That makes you human. By the way, your comment about being 47 reminds me of that part in the famous Mary Schmich column where she says: “Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.”
The Original Bro: I think that’s GREAT!
MamaChristy: That’s a great outlook — go for the things that you find interesting and creative instead of going for a particular “job”.
AmyD: Random sidenote — after all of the results of the election came in, I thought of you. Glad things worked out the way that they did … And, yes, it’s quite possible that we’re *ALL* fucked, but I don’t think so. :)
Momok: The young wanna be older, the older ones wanna be young. The key really does seem to be to learn to live in the here and now.
Mitch: That’s great! :)
Donna: WHAT?!?!?! Does this mean that you’re *not* a rockstar???? I feel so misled. You’re not the person that I thought you were.
Nat: Yummy foreigners. That’s a great title for a post. :)
The Genius: Yeah, I always go back to The Great One’s (Oprah) comments: to have happiness as a goal, we have to know what it is that makes us happy. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you know. For me, the kicker is, as you say: “am I happy enough”? Maybe I think too much. Oh, and, yes … Howard is very precious; he’s a rare gem in the internet world.
Pegs: THANKS for the link! I read “Eleven” and it was GREAT! :)
eddie: I think it’s okay to have perfection as our goal, as long as we know that it’s never actually possible.