Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Are You Boy (or Girl) Crazy?

Last night. I’m on the phone, 3-way, with “Maria” and Bro. We’re watching the votes come in. Maria in Chicago. Me and Bro in New York. All three of us are multi-tasking: we watch the Democrats and Republicans on television, and we talk about boys over the phone. “So,” says Maria, “our office has this thing where they posts company photos of all staff members on the website.” The first thought that comes to my mind? “Oh my god, if I were you, I would soooo scan through all of them to check out the hot guys on staff!!!!”

Boy crazy. I’ve been this way since puberty. Just to see how far off the deep end I’ve gone, I take Cosmo’s Are You Completely Boy Crazy quiz on iVillage. The question that seals my fate is: “How many guy friends have you crossed the kissing line with?” (A) None — you would never risk the friendship for some fooling around; (B) It’s more like how many haven’t you crossed the line with; or, (C) Just two during wild nights out. My answer? Um …  well … What was the question again? ;-)  In any case, in the end, they rate me to be a “clear-headed chick”. According to Cosmo, when it comes to guys I “know when to work it and when to walk away [...] Yes, there are moments when you morph into man-obsession mode, but they are only occasional. That means every night out on the town doesn’t have to be about finding a man, and when you do, you don’t lose yourself totally. You exude confidence — the “I’m fine on my own” kind — that makes men fall even harder for you because they respect you. This has a brilliant bonus: It lets you pick and chose ’til you find your soul mate.” Hmmmmm …. How about you, dear readers? Are you boy (or girl) crazy?

November 8th, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Make Love to America

Yep. Today is election day in the US. I should have headed to the polls before work because I’m sure that the lines will be much longer post-work. Oh well. I’ll bring a copy of People or New York magazine or something to keep myself occupied. And, now for a not-so-related topic: international diplomacy spoofs. Have any of you seen Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benifit Glorious Nation of Kazakstan? It is HILARIOUS!!! (Heeey … I have to watch some of the mindless stuff to counter all of those deep, heavy indies & doc films that I watch; and, not to mention, I saw Babel the same weekend I saw Borat.) Anyway, last weekend, Sid, my friend “The E”, and I go to see Borat together. “The E” reminds me that Borat is actually the SECOND of such pop culture icons. Do any of you remember Mahir?

> Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2006 15:10:20 -0500
> Subject: Fwd: Borat 1.0
>
> For those of you who missed that key chapter in online international
> relations and the folly of fame, Mahir was a Turkish gentleman whose web
> site invitation to strangers to befriend him and visit his home in his
> country reached epic proportions in 1999. With his tag line, “I kiss
> you,” his goofy mustache and corny attire, he posted numerous
> amusing photos of his exploits and his telephone number on his web
> site. This prompted the media, including Salon.com and Entertainment
> Weekly to post articles about this impromptu inadvertent celeb.
>

November 7th, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I’m soooo not in the mood to post. Stressed. Sick. Busy. Etc. Etc. So, I wasn’t going to write anything until tomorrow … but then I saw THIS. David Beckham. Playing soccer in the US? WOW!!! It looks like he really might make the move afterall!! HURRAY!!!! Maybe I was wrong about Americans’ hatred of soccer. But, then again, you never know …

At any rate, I’ll be back as usual tomorrow–with less soccer tales and more dating stories. :)

November 6th, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Chicken Noodle Soup

*Video courtesy of Sid … who got it from Shasta

November 4th, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Exhaustion

I slept for almost 12 hours last night. Work. Party & bullshit. Work. Party & bullshit. Repeat cycle. It finally took it’s toll on me yesterday. I went to bed around 7:30 or 8pm and I didn’t wake up until 7:15am. I feel soooooo much better, so well-rested. I even left my house earlier than usual so that I would get to work early. But, wouldn’t you know it, there was an “incident” on the train this morning and everyone was held at the station for, like, 25 minutes. (Hmmm … I might revisit yesterday’s scoring and give props to Chicago instead.)

At any rate, I made it to work. And, now that I’m so well-rested, I’m really looking forward to the girls night out / happy hour with Bro, Sid, Big D Girl, The E and the rest of the gang. Two hours. All you can drink. $15.00. Can’t wait! What are YOU looking forward to this weekend?

November 3rd, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [12] folks got down with the Funky Brown

New York City vs Chicago: Subways

If New York City was an ugly & bitchy woman and she got into a fist fight with Chicago (another ugly & bitchy woman) who would win? Hmmmm … this is a difficult question. Chicago vs. New York. This war is much too big to tackle in one post. So, I’ll take it one battle at a time. Today’s battle? Morning subway commutes. Chicago’s subway system, the “L”, is also called the CTA. New York’s subway system is the MTA. Got it? CTA = Chicago. MTA = New York City. Whose subway commute is better? Okay, here we go … To perform this serious & scientific research, I consult the experts: Craigslist Chicago and Craigslist New York. I base my judgments on: (1) riders’ ability to flirt while in transit; (2) the presence of annoying people; (3) safety; and (4) residents’ love for their particular subway system.

Let’s start with flirting. Although Chicagoans flirt on the train just as much as New Yorkers do, New Yorkers have elevated the activity to an art form complete with guidelines and hand signals. Good job MTA riders! New York, 1. Chicago, 0. Next? Annoying people. Although the guys who whack off on the train are indeed annoying, New Yorkers seem to most loathe the oversized people who take up two MTA seats. Chicagoans, on the other hand, have a problem with smelly people–or, as one Craigslister writes, “the great unwashed among us“. Given the choice, I’d rather be squished than have my nostrils assaulted. New York 2, Chicago 0. Speaking of assaults, now let’s talk about safety. While New York’s MTA riders fear getting mugged by strangers, Chicago’s CTA riders actually strive to assault their fellow riders. Hmmm … tough one. Would I rather: (A) have my lunch money taken by strangers or (B) have a fellow rider throttle me for talking on the phone? I’m gonna go with “B”, because I can always use my phone as a weapon and fight back. Hear that Chicagoans? I’m not afraid of you!!! I’m safe. So, that’s a point for Chicago. Wait … wait … that’s actually a point for NEW YORK because … well … um … I said so. New York, 3. Chicago, 0.

From men who sit with their “legs spread as far as ergonomically possible” to women who use their strollers to wedge the subway doors open, it takes all sorts to ride the MTA in New York. Chicago’s subway riders come in an equally wide variety; however, a Chicagoan who penned the most endearing love letter to the CTA won my heart over. Point for Chicago. So, ladies and gentlemen, there we have it: New York wins over Chicago, 3 – 1. So, now, I guess this means that I *HAVE TO* stay in New York forever. ;)

November 2nd, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Do You Like Scary Movies?

I totally scared the shit out of myself this morning. [Rewind for Halloween Recap: dressed up as Beyonce for one party, a queen / black Paris Hilton for another party and then -- on Halloween proper -- I didn't dress up but I had a nice, laid back time with Big D Girl and Bro at the Zookeeper's party.] Now, back to the scare. Okay, so, I wake up this morning, and I decide that I’m going to write a post about scary movies. Darwin did a kick-ass post on horror flicks yesterday, and it inspired me to come up with a list of my favorite scary movies. Okay, so, The Shining is one of my all-time favorites horror flicks, right? Well, I’m looking around the web for a picture of Danny Lloyd (the kid on the big wheel who says “Red Rum”). I image google “The Shining”, and all these really creepy pictures of Jack Nicholson come up. But, it’s pretty early in the morning. So it’s quiet, right? Well, all of a sudden, there’s this click sound in the apartment because someone in the building either turned on the hot water or the heater clicked on or something. It isn’t anything big, but it’s enough to make me freak out. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I feel like, “Oh my gawd, Johnny’s hiding in my bathroom with an axe and he’s gonna chop the door down!!!  Heeeeeere’s JOHNNY!!!” I get so creeped, that I can’t even bear to look at the photo that I found anymore.

Maaaaan, back in the day ( … um, that would be the eighties …), I used to watch scary movies with my sister who is quite a bit older than I am. I wanted to prove that I was a “big girl” who didn’t get scared easily, so I was like 5 years old and I was watching shit like Hellraiser. Add this to the fact that I’m a total movie junkie and you can pretty much figure that I’ve seen almost every single horror flick ever created from the 1980s until some time around Scream & Blair Witch.) After that, something happened. I got scared. So, while I’ll always count Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street, the Halloween flicks, The Exorcist, Carrie, The Shining and others to be some of the most interesting films of the genre, I just can’t do it anymore. Freaks me out too much. How about you? Do you like scary movies? Do you have a favorite one?

November 1st, 2006 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [12] folks got down with the Funky Brown