You Know You’re A New Yorker When
December 14th, 2006 Posted in NYC raves
- You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
- Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
- The subway makes sense.
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
- You think Central Park is “nature.”
- You’re paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it’s a “steal.”
- You haven’t seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
- You go to dinner at 9pm and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
- Your closet is filled with black clothes.
- You haven’t heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
- You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
- You take fashion seriously.
- Being truly alone makes you nervous.
- You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
- Going to Brooklyn is considered a “road trip.”
- Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
- $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
- You don’t notice sirens anymore.
- Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
- You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
- You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
- Your door has more than three locks.
- You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
- You’re willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.
- There is no North and South. It’s uptown or downtown.
- You know what a bodega is.
- Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet…..
- You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas.
- Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
- You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.
Courtesy of Blogthings.
December 14th, 2006 at 5:42 am
OMG I’m first! :-p
I think you can safely replace ‘New Yorker’ with ‘Londoner’ and this would still make sense.
How IS Houston St pronounced?
December 14th, 2006 at 8:28 am
Houston is pronounced “HOW-stun”.
By the way … just so you know … you’re one of my *favorite* bloggers. You can’t stop now!!!!
December 14th, 2006 at 11:53 am
LOVE the list! But a beer is more like $7 nowadays…
December 14th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
I’m not a New Yorker.. Obviously… but I can’t seem to relate to a single point on the list.. odd that!
But then, I live in paradise, AKA Land of the Long White Cloud, AKA Aotearoa AKA New Zealand.
Visit us sometime, guaranteed bliss.
December 15th, 2006 at 8:23 am
Donna: I know, right? And, $7 is on the cheaper side of things. Some of the hotel bars charge $9.
Momok: It sounds wonderful, but I’d probably be completely out of my element. I could *totally* relate to a lot of things on this list. Like … silence, true silence, is kinda eery. And, the other day, a woman was making *direct* eye contact with me on the train and my first thought was, “what the fuck is your problem, lady?!?!”
December 15th, 2006 at 11:28 am
Just like I can’t relate to most of your list, you probably wouldn’t get any of mine but trust me…this is really funny!
You Know You’re From Fresno When…
You have to explain to friends from out of town what animal a “Tri-tip” comes from.
You think salsa goes on everything.
Drivers think a red light is just a suggestion.
Your out-of-town friends start to visit after October, but clear out before the end of April.
The best restaurants in town start with “El” or “Los.”
You think $400 a month rent is way too high.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
You know that Valley Fever isn’t a disco dance.
You still don’t know your way around downtown.
Anywhere “and 99″ is too far away.
You think you’re better than people from Clovis.
Someone mentions the Fair and your thoughts immediately turn to Cinnamon Rolls.
You drive just as fast on a sunny day in June as a foggy day in December.
You have to explain to someone about “G Street.”
The whole town shuts down at 11:00.
You hadn’t been to Manchester Center in 10 years until the movie theater opened.
You complain about how boring Fresno is, but still make fun of people from Sanger, Selma, Kingsburg, Reedley, Hanford, etc.
You never knew how you managed before River Park.
Someone from out-of-town talks about how foggy it is and you tell them, “Just wait.”
You know not to take Shaw at 8, 12, or 5.
You swear there was an orchard there last week, where now there are houses.
You not surprised that Fresno State can beat PAC 10 teams but lose to WAC teams.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Fresno.
December 15th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Okay, you’re sooo right. Not only can I not relate to any of those, my jaw honestly hit the floor with a loud *smack* when I read: “You think $400 a month rent is way too high.” UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!