Last night, I went to dinner with a guy. He’s a cutie. He’s younger. And, get this, he might be a new male friend for me. Ahhhh, male friends. I almost forgot what those were. When I lived in Chicago, I knew guys that I considered friends. (Most turned into fuck buddies, but that’s a different story.) Anyway, now that I live in New York, I don’t really have many male friends. I think it’s harder to make male friends here. Why? Well, I’m not sure. Hmmm … lemme think about that for a second … Why is it harder to make male friends in New York compared to, say, Chicago? If I come up with an answer, I might write a post about it at a future date. In the meantime, back to my new male friend …
Last night. I have drinks, dinner and great conversation with a boy with an imported dick. (I don’t know whether or not it’s circumcised but, if I find out, I’ll let you guys know.) Anyway, let’s call the new guy “Uri”. Last night is the first time that Uri and I get together on a one-on-one basis. And, at the end of our dinner, we hug and go our separate ways.
I invited Uri to join me and my friends when we go out partying later tonight. Who knows? Maybe he’ll become a new male friend. Hmmm … and now that I’ve just re-read my original post about whether or not men and women can be friends, I think I need to add a 5th reason: sometimes I just wanna be friends with a guy because, well, I just wanna be friends. So, maybe I take back what I said earlier. Maybe men and women CAN be friends?
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
We can be just friends, men and women. It is entirely possible. And I don’t think sexual attraction precludes friendship, though it can get tricky. Besides, would you date someone you wouldn’t count a friend? I know that’s beside the point, I’m just saying.
That said, what are these evening revelries? I want in!
WOW!!! You bring up soooo many good points:
#1. You say, “I don’t think sexual attraction precludes friendship. See, here’s where I get in trouble. I have very little self control. ME + ATTRACTIVE MALE FRIEND + BOOZE = UH=OH!! :(
#2. You ask, “Would you date someone you wouldn’t count a friend?” Oddly enough, for a long time, my answer to that question was: YES. Yeah, not too long ago … I thought *boyfriends* were the guys that I dated and *friends* were the guys to which I’d complain about my boyfriend. Senseless? Yes. But, did I ever claim that I had all this relationship stuff figured out? No. :)
#3. You ask, “What are these evening revelries?” We’re partying all night, and YOU’RE COMING ALONG!!! No backing out. You can crash at my place if you need to. Details via telephone later.
I can only be friends with a man if I am not sexually attracted to him. Otherwise my pants are coming off.
Great point. It does seem that in NYC everything is a conquest. What I think are male buddies turn into…well you know. At home it seemed easier to keep that distance. Must be NY. I think there just be sexual tension between males and females regardless of physical attraction. The laws of nature perhaps?
I can be friends with an uncircumcised man. If I’m really drunk, I can even go down.
Goddamn you Mist1. You always top me.
It’s sort of my thing. So is going down.
No! Hellllll Noooo.
There’s no such thing as long-lasting friendship between a man and a woman (if neither is gay).
One of the two ultimately wants more, and without speaking up one (or both) will end up living in Denialville, Frustoland or Masochystia upon Wry.
Hence, speaketh up ye forsaken lovers, and get real ye friendseekers/-collectors…
Repeat those wise words of the English Oracles known as the Spice Girls: “Tell me what you want, what you really really want…”
Beep Beep Error (the ManBoy)
PS Truly speaking from experience here. First time around I lived in the wrong town for 5 years straight. Second time ’round I learned to speak up and married her!
Well I think you can. I have guy friends. That is not to say that at one time or another…one of us hasn’t been sexually attracted to the other, we just thought the friendship was worth more and didn’t let the other know about it. In fact, I find many of my male friends attractive but it doesn’t stop me from setting them up, wishing them happiness with someone else, and never acting on that attraction. I think it is what you do with the attraction that demonstrates wether it is a friendship or not.
Remember “When Harry Met Sally,” and Billy Crystal’s characters’ whole shpeel about how men and women couldn’t be friends? His (well, Harry’s, not necessarily Billy’s) point was that they couldn’t be friends because one always wants to have sex with the other, regardless of whether he/she finds her/him attractive. According to him, it doesn’t matter if only one of them thinks that – the thought’s already “out there”!
They explain it a lot better and a lot funnier than I attempted to, heh.
That said, yes, I believe men and women *can* be just friends, even if it’s only for a short time.
Maria: Ditto here. I’m getting much better but, for a long time, I simply had *no* control over myself if / when I was attracted to a guy.
Berry: I’m not sure what it is, but it does seem to be harder in New York.
Mist1 & Maria: You two are too much!!! :)
Errorboy: Interesting point!
History Chic: VERY good comment. With friends, *true* friends, it’s probably a lot easier to not let the physical attraction get in the way of the friendship.
Kristal: I’m warming up to that idea. I’d like to have more male friends (just friends) than I currently have.
I have a lot of friends who are guys and I must say it works. Most of the time. Things get a little bit titchy when someone starts fancying someone else, and that feeling is only one way. I’ve had so many so-called guys who proclaimed undying friendship at the start, then started fancying me, and then do the whole ‘fade’ thing when I made it clear I only like them as a friend and nothing else. It’s as if they’re thinking “Ok so I know you don’t like me right now but I’m going to pretend we’re still cool and we’re still friends because you might change your mind later! But if you DARE date anyone else then we’re through!”.
I find all that drama unnecessary and rather tiresome now, so I’m pretty cautious about it now.
Have to say, one of my best friend is a girl. I am not sexually attracted to her, this is not to mean she is not attractive. I don’t drink and this makes for a safe combination.
I genuinly care for her and we hang out a lot. We are very comfortable with each other. She talks to me about her boy friends and dating and stuff and I have absolutely no problem with who she is with or what she does.
I wouldn’t change our relationship for anything else or have it any other way!
I’ll just throw this out there: Is it easier to be friends with a person of the opposite sex when you (or they) are already in a committed relationship? If one of you is unavailable, I think that might help keep the tension out of the friendship.
I have three best friends who are guys, that I met years ago when I was single, and now we’re each married and happily so. There’s never been any sexual interest/tension or otherwise. I’ve slept in a bed with one after a concert and the most he did was wake up and tell me I was a really ugly sight to see in the morning.
And he was probably quite accurate.
But I adore them, and I’m so glad they’re in my life as such.
I LOVE your new look here.
Darwin: Yeah, it can probably be difficult at times.
Momok: It sounds like you are friends, true friends.
MamaChristy: YES. It’s *totally* easier for me if either me or the guy is in a committed relationship. Then, I know that there’s no way anything is gonna happen. It’s harder when both are single.
HDW: Oh, but I think most of us are ugly sights in the morning, aren’t we? :-)
Maria: THANKS!!! :-)
Shit, what a bunch a pussies. Have you guys ever like done something for the society like Army or Civil Service?
Um … Not exactly sure what the correlation is … i.e. men + women + friends = bunch of pussies???
But, since you asked … yes, in fact, I know that at least three of my readers are partnered with (two married, one dating) folks in the military. I logged time with the foreign service before coming back the the US a few years ago and, currently, I have friends serving in Iraq.
But, again, none of that really has anything to do with the topic at hand — which is, friendships between men and women.