Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Spice Girls: Droolworthy or Not?

While spending quality time watching VH1 the other day, a random thought enters my mind: maaaaan, why don’t they make bands like the Spice Girls anymore??? Remember them? Weren’t they great??? I’m no fool, and I know that several of you violent wretch at the mere thought of seeing those five bitches again. But, I can’t help it; I’m a fan. So, if you’d like a random (but wonderful) blast from the past, check out the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” video. Oh, and, please share your thoughts … Spice Girls: droolworthy or not droolworthy? I’m not their only fan, am I?

January 31st, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

What Did You Eat For Breakfast?

2 cups of oatmeal
2 slices of bacon
1 medium orange
1/2 cup yogurt

I glammed up the yogurt with a slice of grapefruit & a few purple grapes. And, I pimped my oatmeal out with brown sugar, cinnamon and heaping teaspoons of fresh granola and rasins. It was a pretty yummy breakfast if I do say so myself. Mmmm … I should eat breakfast more often. How about you? Do you eat breakfast? If so, what did you have for breakfast today?

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Pssst! Wanna know why women love assholes? We reveal the secret on the live weekly internet radio show Dating Roadkill. Click the play button below to hear all about it.

January 30th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [16] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Royal Hot: Prince Harry vs. Prince William

Hear, ye! Hear ye! Welcome to Manly Monday. I should let you people know that I’ve been doing a little bit of thinking, and I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that should alarm you. Follow me on this one . . . First, sexpert & resident “British chappie” Grant Stoddard takes NYC’s women by storm, right? Then, soccer player David Beckham packs his bags and moves to Los Angeles. And, now, the little golden guy known as Oscar gives a nod to the movie “The Queen”. This can only mean one thing. Cool Britannia is back, and the British are gearing up for another invasion.

My fellow citizens, pick up your guns.

Given the forthcoming takeover, I guess it’s only appropriate that we devote today’s Manly Monday to England and the two princes. So . . . Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. (Actually, make that *2* Englishmen.) When he was in his teens, I think William was hotter than Harry. But, as William ages, he starts to look more and more like his dad. And, that’s not a good thing. Who’s hotter? Who’s hotter? Prince Harry or Prince William? If I have to pick, I choose Harry. Sure, The Guardian once called Harry “a stupid young man [. . .] who seems less interested in preparing for a life of royal service than auditioning for the role of village idiot.” Village idiot? That’s probably a bit harsh but, then again, Harry *does* do very idiotic things. Hmmm … tell me, which of the royal brothers do you prefer? Prince William, Prince Harry, or neither?

January 29th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [20] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Two Assholes: Tom and Larry

Remember that cartoon Tom and Jerry? Well, Monday’s episode of Dating Roadkill is going to be just like that show. But, instead of “Tom and Jerry”, it’s “Tom and Larry”. Tom’s not a cat. Larry’s not a mouse. They’re both just assholes. And, they’re gonna be on my show! Gather round, folks. On the next episode of Dating Roadkill, we’re going to reveal the secrets of why women date assholes. You don’t wanna miss this one! I know I said that last week, but I mean it even more this time.

If this is your first time visiting FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, Dating Roadkill is an internet radio show that lets you call in and share your dating stories. Tom and Larry are assholes; so, they’re gonna share their stories whether we want to hear them or not! You’ll never guess what they have to say about dating, marriage, and what it means to be a man. Call in to comment, agree, disagree, or share your own dating stories. “Why Do Women Date Assholes?” airs live on BlogTalkRadio Monday night at 10:00pm. So, tell, me … What do you think makes a man a “good man?” And, if you’re a woman, do you find yourself oddly attracted to asshole men or do those guys turn you off? If you’re a guy, what are your opinions about manhood?

January 26th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Nothing Tastes as Good as Being Skinny Feels

I read the phrase “nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels” on a blog somewhere, but I can’t exactly remember where. I google it, but I can’t find it. It’s not that the phrase isn’t out there anymore. It’s just that it’s so prevalent that finding a particular mention of it is like searching for Nicole Ritchie hiding in a large tub of lard. You know it’s there. But, it’s too hard to find it.

I’m not anorexic but I, like most women, suffer from so-called BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). If you’re not familiar with the term, people with BDD have a distorted sense of self-image and/or are critical of their physical appearance. We all know of the most extreme cases of alleged anorexia like Paris Hilton and that made-for-TV Lifetime movie starring Tracey Gold. However, more moderate cases are prevalent everywhere around you. Standing in line next to you at the grocery store. Teaching your children at school. Or, of course, typing the words that you’re reading on your computer screen right now. To be clear, I neither vomit after I eat nor starve myself. But, at 5′6″ and 125lbs, I honestly believe that I’m slightly full for my frame. If I ever top 128 (it’s happened before), I hit the gym like a madwoman until I’m back within my acceptable range of 118 – 125 lbs or so.

So, where does all of this come from? Folks who do research on anorexia, bulimia, BDD and other weight-related stuff would tell you that it’s all mental; but, that’s bullshit. What do I mean? Well, Halle Berry and Beyonce combined probably weigh about the same as Jennifer Hudson, right? So, go ask the man nearest you if he’d rather f-ck Jennifer Hudson *or* Halle Berry and Beyonce. Chances are, he’s likely to ask, “Who the f-ck is Jennifer Hudson?” Or, if by some odd chance he actually knows who the hell she is and he says he’d rather f-ck *her*, do me a favor and slap him silly for lying to you like that.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I’m not crazy. I’m just saying that my BDD, my personal mental state, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that most heterosexual men and lesbians probably prefer Halle and Beyonce over Jennifer because they’re thinner (read: sexier). It’s nothing that’s ever stated — it’s just something that women know. The French, God love them, are waaay less subtle. Five years ago, one of their commercials for a cereal brand ran with an image of a slender-bodied woman exiting a swimming pool wearing nothing but a tight cherry-red swimsuit. The camera pans up and you hear a voice say: Skinny. You look better that way. BDD = fatphobia. I’m not saying it’s a good thing or I bad thing. I’m just saying it’s a thing. My thing. And, I’m working through it. Why this topic today? Honestly, I don’t know. It’s just something that I’ve been thinking about lately, so I thought that I’d share it with all of you. And, I don’t have any witty or funny closing comments. So, I guess I’ll just end by saying: “Thanks for listening.”

January 25th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [35] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Vote for Your Oscar Pick!

Unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock, you probably already know that the nominees for the 79th Annual Academy Awards were announced yesterday. This disturbs me. I’m not disturbed that the announcements were made, mind you; I’m disturbed that I haven’t seen any of the movies listed. Okay, wait. That’s a lie. I’ve seen some. Just, you know, not as many as I usually would have seen by now. Why not? I’m poor. Woe is me. Due to my ever-deteriorating financial situation, I’ve only seen: Borat, Children of Men, United 93, The Queen, The Pursuit of Happyness, The Departed, Babel, Volver and The Devil Wears Prada. (By comparison, when the nominations were made in previous years, usually, I would have seen all of the nominees for best doc, best pic *and* best foreign film.)

So, what have I missed? I haven’t yet seen Little Miss Sunshine, Blood Diamond, Half Nelson, The Last King of Scotland, An Inconvenient Truth, Water and Two Letters from Iwo Jima. There are others, but these are the ones that I want to see the most. Have you seen any of these films? Just for gits and shiggles, I’ll treat myself to a cheap matinee of the film of your choosing. Here’s how this is going to work . . . Use the comment section to vote for one of the nominated films that I haven’t seen. Then, sometime over the next seven days, I’ll see the film that gets the most votes and I’ll blog about it. Ooh, ooh, ooh . . . To keep everyone guessing, I reserve the right to attend the film that either: (a) gets the most votes; (b) gets the least votes {the underdog}; or (c) gets the most passionately convincing plea from a reader. Ready? Okay. Time to vote. Which of the following films do you recommend (you can vote for more than one if you’d like): Little Miss Sunshine, Blood Diamond, Half Nelson, The Last King of Scotland, An Inconvenient Truth, Water or Two Letters from Iwo Jima?

January 24th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [18] folks got down with the Funky Brown

It Is My F-cking Business!

If you’re dating two guys at the same time, should you tell each of them that you’re seeing someone else? This is the question that I debated with a friend recently. Wait … Let me give you a little background information … if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I’m originally from the cornfields of Illinois and I live in the big city now. New York City. Okay, so, my friend and I were discussing the differences between dating in Chicago and dating in New York.

CHICAGO DATING. In general, in Chicago, I think I only dated one person at a time. And the guys that I dated were only dating me. It’s more of a “marry and move to the suburbs” kind of place. And, it’s true that people get married quicker in Chicago than they do in New York. So, if I *were* to date more than person at a time in Chicago, I would certainly *tell* each of them.

NEW YORK DATING. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: dating in New York is like a full contact sport. Multi-dating is not only common, it often feels like the norm. And, apparently, there’s no need to tell the people that you’re dating that you’re seeing other people because: (1) that’s understood to be the case unless you or they say otherwise, and (2) it’s not their business. Hmmmm … it’s that last bit that gets to me the most: Not. Their. Business. None of my business? Call me a freak, but I definitely think it *is* my f-cking business. I mean, really, if I’m dating a guy (for, say, 2 – 3 months or more) I think I certainly deserve to know if he’s dating someone else. I mean, I’d tell *him* if I were dating someone else.

All of this is, of course, hypothetically speaking. I’m not seriously dating two people at the same time at the moment. In fact, I’m not seriously dating anyone. I’ve recently been on a couple of dates with one cutie in particular; but, I’m choosing to refrain from blogging about that for now. Privacy, you know? But, anyway, back to the hypothetical question … I’d be interested to know what others out there think about the whole “Date and Tell” thing. If you’re dating more than one person at a same time, at what point should you tell the folks about the other dates? Or, should you never “date and tell”?

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January 23rd, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [18] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Are Geeky Men Sexy?

Happy Manly Monday, everyone!! I hope that you all had a great weekend. And, to get us started off fresh for this brand new week, I thought I’d pose a question that gets the brain matter flowing. I hope you’ve already had your coffee. And, I hope that you’re sitting down for this one. Ready? Okay …

Are geeky men sexy? Sure, it might sound like an easy enough question. But, it’s not. For example, my immediate answer to this question is a resounding: hell no. But, when I dig a little deeper and think really hard about it, I remember something. Or, more appropriately, I remember someone. Did you ever see the show “A Different World” in the early 1990s? Do you remember Dwayne Wayne? Weeeellll . . . brace yourself . . . I have a huge crush on him. Yes, folks, it’s true. I think he’s really sexy. And, he’s a geek. Those multi-colored sweaters that look like a box of crayons on crack cocaine. Those flip-up glasses that quickly double as sunglasses. H-O-T. And, I’m not kidding. He’s my favorite person from that show.

*BUT* . . . just so that there’s no confusion . . . in general, I am NOT attracted to geeky men whatsoever. It’s just, you know, there are a few exceptions. Dwayne Wayne is one of them. And, how about you? Do you find yourself oddly attracted to any particular Geeky Man on this wonderful and glorious Manly Monday?

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Be sure to tune in to Dating Roadkill tonight at 10:00PM EST for “Bartending Babes.” After last Friday’s discussion about that wonderful little slice of heaven called Employees Only, I simply *had* to ask one of the sexy bartenders that owns the place to be on the show. So, yeah, Jason Kosmos joins us to talk about the bar scene & dating. Tune in to listen, and then call in to share your thoughts. When the clock below strikes 10PM, you can click the image below it to listen live on BlogTalkRadio.

January 22nd, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [11] folks got down with the Funky Brown