According to New York Magazine, anal is the new oral — at least for women it is. Now, before I go any further down the road to this conversation, I just wanna set a few things straight. Today’s post is not raunchy. And, believe it or not, it’s not meant to be even remotely arousing. This is simply an honest question / discussion about sexual behaviors between consenting adults. Got it? Okay, now that we’re all on the same page …
Sex. Let’s talk about it. I think the anal article is really interesting; so, I’m just doing what I usually do when stumble across interesting things in the World Old There—I’m blogging about it. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I had my reservations about writing today’s post. What do I mean? Well, the article’s three main points are:
- Anal is what oral was 15 years ago—an unspoken sexual taboo
- Male-to-female anal is on the rise between intimate partners
- Men fear female-to-male penetration due to “a potent mix of sexism and homophobia”
So, there’s nothing more that I’d like to do right now than to ask you guys whether you agree or disagree with each of those points. But, I’m afraid. “Are they really gonna wanna talk about anal?” I wonder. “Is everyone gonna think that I’ve lost it and/or crossed over into the category of NSFW?” These questions and others brought along a sad realization. This: I don’t think that we — and by we, I mean Americans — talk about sex in an open, honest, and healthy manner as much as we could. There shouldn’t be anything wrong or “tacky” about writing this post and asking you guys whether agree or disagree with the three points of the article. So, actually you know what … I’m just gonna do it. Please use the comment section of this post to state whether you agree or disagree with the article’s main points mentioned above. (Or, of course, you could always *not* comment and thereby prove my point that Americans don’t talk about sex in an open, honest, and healthy manner as much as we could.)
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, I’m not American and having grown up in Sri Lanka, I have to say it’s not just anal sex that is a taboo conversation topic it’s all of it! I recieved most of my sex-ed from a medical encyclopaedia sneaked from the library rather than being given a talk by my parents or school. About school -Lets just say the teacher who was supposed to teach us that particular section ‘chickened’ out and never turned up. Despite all that I still like to consider myself pretty open, honest and mature well-informed about the topic!
Anyway to answer your questions,
1. Possibly. No one seems to shy away from admitting to oral sex these days, indeed some people seem to consider it not even real sex. Unsurprisingly they do not take the appropriate protection measures as a result –>STDs galore! I hate to admit it but I’ve even met some people in SL who regard anal sex in the same manner as oral sex (i.e. no pregnancy worries and no STD worries, let’s stick to the back door)
2. Agreed. I think that although it’s considered a taboo-ed act, it still happens enough for people to think it’s a normal everyday thing and a perfectly reasonable request (whereas a “could you pee on me” would be still met with raised eyebrows!).
3. Completely agree. Leave aside scary looking strap-ons, some guys I know jump a mile if even the topic of female-to-male penetration comes up! Usually with a “eww I’m not gay!” assertation.
What a sweet post! Yes, anal is the new oral, I agree 100% to their points. People do it but don’t talk about it. People who talk about it can make others feel uncomfortable. That said, everyone has their own sexual limitations, some women would NEVER do anal, some men would NEVER submit to a strap-on. To each his/her own. Something else I would like to mention: since anal is performed but considered taboo to talk about, people should be aware that they need to educate themselves on what precautions they should take before and during (i.e. spread of diseases, bacteria, anal is NOT a substitute for safe sex or vaginal sex, etc.). I don’t have an educational/informative link to post here considering I’m at work and it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to google ‘anal sex’, but possibly webMD or a similar sexual health site should have something about it.
Please do more posts like this :)
Well, I did learn one thing from that article, and that is that roughly 6% of anal-lovin’ women are LIARS, since the statistics show that the percentage of men who enjoy heterosexual anal sex is 38.2% compared to 32.6% for women. Interesting…
As for it being the new oral, I completely agree. Just about everything at one point is either frowned down upon or considered taboo. I mean, up until the 50′s (roughly?), husbands and wives didn’t even sleep in the same BEDS!
As for my opinion of anal sex, it ‘taint (pun intended) no big deal. I could take it or leave it, but if you take away my oral, I’ll throw a damn hissy fit.
Agree with Darwin, was born in India and grew up there. Moved to NZ when I was 16. Truth be told, almost nothing surprises me anymore, but when I moved here, lets just say I had no idea!
None of my friends willingly talk about their sex lives, and i’m not into anal sex myself. I can feel the pain just talking about female to male penetration… so no thanx. It does make me wonder, if I liked it, would it make me gay!
As for Oral sex, bring it onn baby! Ofcourse there is a lot of give and take (pun totally intended)
My friend and I were debating this a few weeks ago. She was dating a man that liked her finger in his a$$. She quickly grew tired of it. So, I tried to spring it on a guy. Turns out, it’s not as popular as she made it sound.
You are feeling daring, aren’t you? I’m going to spout off without reading the article.
1. Re: anal/oral, I do think as a society we have started pushing the limits of what we are willing to discuss–and perform–but I think that grows from the fact that so little shocks us, anymore.
2. Which likely has a great deal to do with how male-hetero-sexualized a world ours has become in the last few decades. Sex–a very narrow, hetero-male ideal of it–sells absolutely everything, from shampoo (naked woman in shower) to bathroom cleaner (different naked woman in shower). Even toys are pornified, half the time. Little girls are passing on beauty-pageant-plastic-smile Barbie in favor of Slu-, er, Bratz dolls, that look like little bedroom-eyed plastic streetwalkers. It seems like every Jen, Jane and Suzie can pole-dance like a pro, partially because plenty of girls now feel like strip clubs and drunkenly flashing their hoo-hahs for Girls Gone Wild makes for a fun night out. Maybe they do, but I can’t help but feeling every time we (women) “push the boundaries” and become more liberated in our sexuality, the boundaries we push just open into a hetero-guy’s porn fantasy land, and we get f*cked. Up the a$$. Heh.
3. Did I mention the sexism inherent in all this up there? Implied? Okaythen. If we all band together to break even more taboos, maybe in 15 more years 32% of guys will claim to enjoy having their prostates poked and 38% of women will claim to enjoy sticking their fingers in their beloveds’ butts.
Funnily enough, all this is not to say I frown on either act. Matter of fact, I think people should experiment, safely, with what might be something really pleasurable. I just worry that the pleasure is one-sided.
Darwin: I totally agree. And, by the way, great comment about STDs.
Donna: I’ll blog more posts like this. I will, I will! :-) The FBC is anything but a 1-dimensional blog … You never quite know what you’re going to get.
AmyD: Oooooh, good point about how quickly things change. I watched a documentary on Kinsey (i.e. not the film with Liam Neeson). Sometimes it’s hard to remember how much has changed in such a short amount of time. We still don’t talk about sex a bunch. But, we do more than we used to. Some would say that’s a good thing. I guess others would say that it’s a bad thing.
Momok: Receiving anal from a woman doesn’t make you gay … just as a woman receiving oral from a man doesn’t make her a lesbian.
Mist1: To each their own. Some guys will like it. Some guys won’t.
Sid: Daring, indeed. :) And, as usual, thanks for the wonderfully meaty & thought-provoking (poking) comments.
Yeah. Maybe it is the new oral, but I’m really not interested. I had a guy ask me at a high school football game once – this was probably 13 or 14 years ago – if I would be interested in anal since that would make sure that I wouldn’t get knocked up from sex. I thought he was a perv and told him so. Turns out he was just progressive. Who knew?
Thirteen years ago? Yeah, that was *very* progressive. :-)
For the record . . . I haven’t tried it yet either . . . but I’m not opposed.
the trump card is anal to oral … those are the bold, filthy pioneers.
anyone else hungry?
(ps, listened to the roadkill podcast recently, kudos. might call in sometime …)
Some frontiers were never meant to be crossed.
THANKS for listening to Dating Roadkill!!! :) The next show airs live at 10:00PM on Monday, Jan. 8th. Call in. The topic is “Bitches. Men Love Them.” So, it would be great if some of you guys out there could call in and share your opinions on the subject.
Give or receive, not really interested… it’s a germ thing with me (just like Sushi Samba, but no worries, I’m getting treatment for that…)
1. Are you sure this was a taboo 15 years ago? Could have fooled me… not 13 years ago in NYC and definitely not 25+ years ago in most of Europe, in my experience. Actually, US girls are way more adept at it due to years of careful (careless?) practice.
2. So I hear from the 25 year-olds and older married couples. Perhaps one needs children first (without a cesarean) to fully appreciate the difference. ;-) I’m happy with what I’m getting… no tight-ass required.
3. I’ll ask the S.O. Who knows if she would be interested… I’ll report back in due time. Shudder to think…
Yeah. Let us know.
yea…i have personally had my prostate poked before…by a girl that was a little too kinky for me…ive always been scared to say so, cause i dont wanna be labled homosexual…i DO NOT like men…i mean…but that feeling is GREAT…i personally think more men should at least TRY IT…but yea…IT WAS AWESOME…im sorry guys…but…yea…AWESOME…
Thanks for sharing!! :)
Answers to your questions:
(1) Not sure why oral would ever be taboo, but oh well. Anal probably is with older folks, but those my age and younger (mid-30s) don’t seem to have any hangups on it.
(2) I would love to have anal with my girl. Frankly, though, I don’t know how to bring it up. She might even be into it. I think it would feel great.
(3) I am not gay, but have played around that area myself with good sex toys. It hurt at first, but the pain subsides and it actually turns me on. So I would definitely be up to my girl doing it to me. The strap on seems odd, but what else is there to do? If she would let me do it to her, I would let her do it to me if she were into it.
You should bring it up with your girlfriend.
FBC: I took your advice and brought it up with my girlfriend. Her response was that she never really had the inclination to try it, but that she would be willing to let me have anal sex with her if this is what I wanted. Haven’t planned a time yet, but she told me to keep bringing it up and that she would be willing to do it. Thanks.
Good you guys are talking about it. Good luck.
1. You need to go back 30 years, not 15, to the time when oral sex was becoming mainstream…to the late 70s, when the sexual revolution had settled in (The Joy of Sex had been out a while). But the general point is valid: anal sex IS entering the mainstream, but beginning with younger people.
2. Yes, male-to-female anal is on the rise between intimate partners but there will be a ceiling to the statistics on this. Many more people will always like oral sex than anal sex. Oral is just standard sex play. Most people love it and have to have it–it’s a deal breaker in the early stages of a relationship. If you’re not into it, you’ll have a harder time finding a compatible partner.
3. Many men do “fear female-to-male penetration due to ‘a potent mix of sexism and homophobia’,” but that is changing. Consider all the erotic stories online about women fingering men’s anuses, or nailing them with strap-on dildos. And all the porn involving the same–photos and videos. More straight men like being fingered than admit it–I suspect the polls are not representative because many men won’t admit it. It’s not only homophobia on the part on men–many women have this mistaken notion that a man who wants his ass played with must have gay tendencies. So many men who want to be anally fingered (or licked or dildoed) don’t bring it up because they fear the woman’s reaction.
I’m lucky. I’m a straight guy who has had a couple lovers who were at least as into giving anal play as I was into receiving it. And I married a woman who got over the myths and stereotypes and found she really likes to bend me over and please me as I crave.
Anal is what oral was 15 years ago—an unspoken sexual taboo
ME. I am nearly 60. When I was coming of age, there was loads of dirty talk about oral. I did not feel it was taboo at all. If there was any embarrassment, it was some women feeling that a penis was too dirty to put in the mouth. Some girls refused to receive oral, because they feared that obligated them to go down on the guy, which they did not want to do.
I do suspect that before 1960 or so, oral was mainly a sex worker thing. Then it became part of the repertoire of the college girl who wanted to keep him happy without risking pregnancy. I wonder if oral did not spread to high schools in a big way during the 1960s. But I cannot imagine oral being taboo as recently as 1980 or 1990.
Male-to-female anal is on the rise between intimate partners
ME. I have no idea. Incidentally, a New York magazine article does not speak for the vast majority of us in the boonies.
Men fear female-to-male penetration due to “a potent mix of sexism and homophobia”
ME. A woman with a strap-on is pretty kinky. It does not emulate the real thing, especially the uncut number.
Well, I HOPE that anal is becoming more mainstream. I’ve dated a self described ‘sado-masochistic dominatrix’, but before I even met her, the suggestion of it turned me on a great deal. I’m a straight guy (43) and I LOVE it. Guys who are opposed to it just don’t get it, and probably have sexual hang ups that prevent them from even seriously considering such an act. Women who are opposed to it just don’t get it, either, and maybe for some of the same reasons. If you’re a guy who is curious, and your girl expresses disgust, I’d say dump her.
No ‘decent’ human being is ever going to have such a lack of sensitivity or compassion for another person so as to ridicule or openly express revulsion at their partner’s communicated desires. If you want it & your partner doesn’t, just find someone who does. Unfortunately, it can be easier said than done.
I’m a pretty kinky white boy and I LOVES me an aggressive kinky black woman, but they seem to be difficult to find.
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