Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

What’s Up with the Bar Scene?

If you’re ever in New York City for a visit — or, of course, if you all ready live here — you should make a pit stop by a bar / restaurant known as Employees Only. Once, while out partying with a group of friends, Sid recommended this place. (Before that, I’d never heard of it.) Owner operated, Employees Only was originally created for and by bartenders, waitstaff and other folks in the yummy food & drink industry. Check out their website; it has a lot of really cool stuff on there about how and why they got started with the idea for this place. And since we’re on the topic of bars and bartenders …

Some of you sexy little things all ready know that I used to live in London many many years ago. While there, among other things, I was a bartender at this great little pub in Bayswater. It was the first time that I’d ever tended bar. And, I was always kind of intrigued by the strange attraction that I felt with some of the customers … Okay, this is totally a tangent but this thought just occurred to me … If everyone claims to hate the bar scene — and everybody does — why are the bars around the city packed with hot, young single folks all weekend long? What’s that about? I’m really interested to hear your thoughts on the “bar scene” ; please feel free to share them in the comment section. (And, of course, we’ll have an opportunity to chat about all of this together on the next Dating Roadkill. The episode, “Bartending Babes,” airs at 10:00PM EST on Monday.)

————-

BTW, today officially ends our “3-day vacation” together. Hope you enjoyed it. :)

January 19th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [15] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Day 2: The Erotic Reading Series

One of the great things about taking you along for this 3-day “vacation” in my own city, is that I get to (I hope) introduce my out-of-town readers to a few of New York’s hidden gems … and I get to (I hope) share my favorite spots with the New Yorkers as well. Hmmmm, I guess that’s actually “two” great things. But, who’s counting? Ready for our trip?

Wednesday. Tonight’s gem is the “In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series.” Come with me. The show starts at 8:00. The sexy host, Rachel Kramer Bussel, previously alerted, “Arrive by 7:30 if you want to get a seat”. I arrive a 8:19pm because I have a commitment early in the evening, and I underestimate the amount of time it takes to walk from Astor Place to Happy Ending on Broome & Forsythe. How apropos that an erotic reading series take place at a lounge called Happy Ending. Happy Ending Lounge. Do you know it? The writing on the nondescript awning is in Chinese; nowhere do the words “Happy Ending” appear. The place is easy to miss. I’m not sure if it’s true, but the place used to be a “massage parlor”.

I show my ID at to the lone soul, presumably the bouncer, hanging out outside. When I enter, I’m surprised that the place is super duper packed. Standing room only. I’ve never been to “In the Flesh” before, but I’ve always wanted to come. I find a tiny spot among the back of the crowd. I nestle my way in just in time to hear the woman standing at the mic read the following from the pages that she is holding in front of her, “You want me to pretend to be a prostitute?!?!”

The reader finishes her story and she’s followed by a couple of other women who also read. Before the half-time break, Gael Greene appears. She reads a story to the crowd about her sexual encounters with Elvis, Clint Eastwood *and* Burt Reynolds. Now, it’s the break. I nestle my way up to bar to get a drink, and I’m surprised when someone calls my name. “Funky Brown Chick” says the man standing in front of me. I know exactly who it is. But, I freeze because I’m actually a bit shocked that *he* remembers *me* from the picture that I sent him. I think he mistakes my shock for a lack of recognition because he says, “It’s Grant!”

Grant Stoddard. He is one of my most recent guests on “Dating Roadkill.” It’s weird / fun / great to actually meet him in person. (By the way, ladies, he’s a cutie pie — VERY adorable.) We chat for a while, then he has to scoot off because he’s the next person reading after the break. He reads the part in his book about his experiences peeing in a stranger’s mouth for the first time. He’s great. The crowd loves him. The night continues on. Susan Shapiro, Marty Beckerman and others read from their books.

“In the Flesh” was a success! It was a good crowd, each of the readers were unbelievably funny, and I definitely want to attend the next erotic reading series. So, did you enjoy today’s “trip”?

January 18th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Day 1: NYC, The City That Never Sleeps.

Rewind. Summer 2006. It’s 6:52AM. I’m standing on the corner of Ninth Avenue and Little West 12th Street. My friend Ana from Spain is visiting New York for the week. It’s Saturday night and, thoughout the evening, we: eat dinner at Republic; dance the night away at AER; sip cocktaills & admire the skyline views from the rooftop of the Hotel Gansevoort; have more drinks at Brass Monkey; and catch up with each other while giggling over drinks at Florent.

It’s 6:52AM in the Meatpacking District, on the corner of Ninth Avenue and Little West 12th Street. Ana and I have finished partying, and the sun is coming up. We hug each other goodbye. We stick our arms — her right one, my left one — up in the air to hail a cab. Before parting, kisses on the cheeks ensue. On the short cab ride home, whizzing by the window, I see: bike messengers, other yellow cabs, and men in nice clothes speed by. It’s almost 7:00AM. They’re all starting their day as I’m ending my night; the batton passes. When I get home, I climb the stairs to my apartment and go to sleep. But city, as always, keeps on going. I love New York.

January 17th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Free 3-Day Vacation to New York!!!

I love New York! In fact, I love this city so much that I’ve decided to share it with each and every one of you. Over the next three days, I’ll decribe three of my favorite areas of the city with you in great detail. If you live here, maybe you’ll check out some of the places that I’ll mention. If you don’t live here, consider this to be kind of a free, all expenses paid, 3-day vacation in NYC. Coming soon … “live” from Ninth Avenue at Little West 12th Street!

– - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

January 16th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Open Letter To The Man Who Sent Me His Penis

Dear Exhibitionist Reader,

You know who you are. And, just out of curiosity … what, pray tell, inspired you to do that???? I mean, really, when I opened the email with the subject header “Maybe You Wanna Blog About This” (or something like that), I never in my wildest dreams expected to see an image of a penis. Especially not your penis. Because, well, I don’t even know who you are.

I’ll have you know that I innocently opened your email WHILE AT WORK . I got so freaked out that I immediately hit the delete button. In the future, my exhibitionist friend, should you ever feel the uncontrollable desire to send me another photo of your penis, please mark the email “NSFW.”

Many thanks,
The Funky Brown Chick

PS: To everyone else … Happy Manly Monday & Happy MLK Day.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Don’t forget to tune in to my internet radio show, Dating Roadkill, tonight! It’s easy; remember, when the clock below strikes 10PM, just click the image below to listen live on BlogTalkRadio. (Once you’re on that page, click the link that says “Click to Listen” near the top right corner.)

January 15th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Third Date Rule @ 10PM EST Monday with Sexpert Grant Stoddard & “Cuddle Party” co-founders REiD & Marcia

So, um, who’s the sexy British guy standing in his underwear? It’s Grant Stoddard. He’s New York’s most fearless sex columnist and author of the book WORKING STIFF: THE MISADVENTURES OF AN ACCIDENTAL SEXPERT. Join us Monday night at 10:00PM EST when he’ll be the featured guest on Dating Roadkill! For first time visitors, Dating Roadkill is an NYC-based internet radio show lets you call in to share your dating stories. Get ready! Next week’s topic is the “Third Date Rule”. Should you hold off on having sex until the third date? Tune in to hear what single people are saying about sex now.

But, isn’t there more to affection than just sex? Hell yeah. Learn more about adult intimate play events when CUDDLE PARTY co-founders REiD Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski join us later in the show. You don’t wanna miss this! Tune in. “THIRD DATE RULE” AIRS AT 10:00PM EST ON MONDAY, JAN. 15, ON BlogTalkRadio.

————————

The live show is over, but click the “play” button on media player below to hear the recorded podcast:

January 12th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [9] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Wet My Panties

OMG!!!!!!!!! It’s official. David Beckham is coming to the US to play for the Major League Soccer team LA Galaxy! Read the BBC news article for more details. And, if that wasn’t enough soccer-hawtness for the day, Zinedine Zidane’s movie, hopefully, is on its way over here as well. Lawdy, lawdy, lawd! I can’t take the hotness. :-)

January 11th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown

What a Wonderful World

Picture this. It’s 1967. Songwriters Bob Thiele, George David Weiss, and George Douglas pen a song ironically titled “What a Wonderful World.” Definition of irony: the use of words to convey meaning that is opposite of words’ literal meaning. Now, there’s nothing especially ironic about the title of the song, that is, until you consider that they write the song especially for Louis Armstrong’s talents. It’s 1967. The Civil Rights Movement is underway, and Americans are accustomed to images of firemen viciously spraying peaceful anti-segregation protesters.

“What a Wonderful World” is meant to be ironic. The song’s lyrics remind us that, if we want to *see* the beautiful world, we simply have to look for evidence in our midst. “I hear babies crying,” Louis sings. “I watch them grow. They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know. And I think to myself: what a wonderful world!” Nevertheless, the song goes unnoticed by American audiences for nearly two decades.

Fast forward exactly 20 years. It’s 1987 and the film “Good Morning, Vietnam” depicts an image montage of, among other things, atrocities committed against the Vietnamese. The song “What a Wonderful World” plays beautifully in the background. The irony is not lost on American audiences this time, and the song goes on to sell millions of copies (even though Louis Armstrong passed away 16 years prior to the release of the film). That was 1987. Fast forward another 20 years. Ironically, it’s 2007. We’re still in a war. And, of course, I still love the song. Why? Because sometimes, just sometimes, you gotta believe it’s a beautiful & wonderful world — despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And i think to myself:
“What a wonderful world!”

I hear babies crying I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself:
“What a wonderful world!”
Yes, I think to myself:
“What a wonderful world!”

So, tell me, what’s your favorite song?

- – - – - – - – - – - – -
Shhhhh … if you’d like to hear a secret / unauthorized 15-minute Dating Roadkill podcast in which my friends Mags & Bro tell you *their* favorite song, click HERE. :)

January 10th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [18] folks got down with the Funky Brown