Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag!

Actually, make that *TWO* new bags. I have exciting announcements for you, my little sweeties. First, Monday’s episode of Dating Roadkill, “The Break Up Talk”, airs at 10:00pm EST time. This is the last episode of the season, but we’ll return with a second season in a couple of weeks. At last count, exactly 986 of you either downloaded the podcasts, subscribed to the show via iTunes or listened live on Monday nights. That’s pretty damn good considering it’s a new show and there was absolutely no advertising — save a few MySpace announcements and post on this blog here and there. So, THANK YOU for your support!

The second announcement … drum roll please … A smart & sexy New York-based magazine, Nerve, has asked yours truly to be their newest blogger!! :) Really. It’s true. Starting, today you can catch me over at there at the Blog-A-Log at least a couple of times a week. But, fret not … Naturally, things here at the FBC will remain as they’ve always been. I’ll still update — every Monday through Friday — with Words O’ Goofdom, Tales from the Deepest Depths of Debt, NYC Dating Stories & Boystories and everything else that you’ve become accustomed to seeing here. So, what are you waiting for? Go over there and say HI!!

February 16th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [9] folks got down with the Funky Brown

I Got Fined $335.10!!!

I saw this on a blog about a month ago. Here’s how it works: Read over the list of activities below. Give your self a fine for each activity in which you’ve participated. Fine yourself only once for each activity, not per incident. (So for example, if you’ve dropped acid 18 times, your fine is only $5, not $90.) Once you’ve tallied your score, post the total in the comment section below. No need to give too much information. You don’t have to say *which* activities you’ve done. You just have to post your total fine. Ready? Here we go:

Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

February 15th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [39] folks got down with the Funky Brown

On Valentine’s Day, White Castle Is for Lovers

Maaaan, what the fuck is going on with the world??? Okay, so, I have to admit that I took a brief hiatus from reading others’ blogs for a couple of weeks. Life got a little hectic, and I didn’t have time. But, I’m back. Sort of. Anyway, so, I’m catching up on my usual reads, right? Well, that’s when I notice that Gawker hosted a Win a Valentine’s Day “White Castle” Date with The Assimilated Negro contest. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t ever consider White Castle a Valentine’s Day destination. Ever. White Castle??? I almost died laughing. It was so unbelievable that I thought it had to be a joke. But, lo and behold, I headed over to White Castle’s website only to see that it’s true:

Make your Valentine’s day STEAMY! Take your Valentine to White Castle on Wednesday, February 14 between 5 and 8 p.m. and enjoy hostess seating, candlelit dining and your own server. Reservations are required [...]

Hell has, indeed, frozen over. But, you know what’s really scary? I honestly considered entering the competition for the date! Have you *seen* The Assimilated Negro? He’s hawt!!! In the end, I didn’t apply; but, I gotta give him and Gawker props for coming up with a pretty wacky, but brilliant, idea for celebrating Valentine’s Day.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE!!

February 14th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [9] folks got down with the Funky Brown

What Are You Doing for Valentine’s Day?

I’m a single woman New York City. I don’t have a boyfriend, partner, fuck buddy or any other type of being that has a penis attached to it. As such, I’m flying solo this Valentine’s Day. But, you know what? That’s okay.

Hmm … If you didn’t get a chance to listen to the live episode of Dating Roadkill last night, click the media player below to listen to the recorded podcast. We start off with sex columnist Rachel Kramer Bussel & author of The Great Sex Secret, Kim Marshall. And, before we wrap, we tell you ways to surprise your lover (or yourself) if you’re flying solo this Valentine’s Day.

But, there’s more to Valentine’s Day than sex, right? So, tell me … What are you doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year?

February 13th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh. Books from Dating Roadkill

Kim Marshall

Kim Marshall is a well-known sex educator, has authored educational books for young adults, and developed a sex education curriculum for the Boston Family Planning Project which is being piloted in New York City and New Jersey. Struck by significant gaps in the sex education materials, he set out to research and write a book that would make sexual fulfillment readily available to all couples. Mr. Marshall lives in the Boston area.

Rachel Kramer Bussel

(www.rachelkramerbussel.com)

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a sex columnist who hosts the monthly In The Flesh Reading Series. She’s the editor or co-editor of nine erotic anthologies and her stories have been published in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. She’s written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Gothamist, Mediabistro, Metro, New York Post, Penthouse, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York, Zink and other publications. She’s currently completing her first novel, to be published by Bantam in 2008.

February 12th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [2] folks got down with the Funky Brown

The Men of the 49th Annual Grammys

Welcome to Manly Monday … where the “m” in Monday stands for “Mmmmm, damn, that man looks good!” Last night, for the first time in a long time, I actually watched the entire Grammys — from the beginning pre-show with Joan Rivers & her daughter all the way to the ending credits. I was multitasking & doing other stuff at the time but, rest assured, I saw the whole damn thing. So, what follows below is a full report of my Intensive Man-watching Activities:

(1) Prince, as always, is wonderfully delicious; (2) I think it’s pretty amazing that Stevie Wonder and Tony Bennett are still winning awards almost 6 or 7 decades after they started singing; (3) Justin Timberlake was surprising sexy last night — baby’s growing up nice and gooood. Did you see his duet with Robyn Troup? Steamy.; (4) Speaking of looking sexy, Common has such a quiet & unassuming “sexy factor”; (5) Kanye West, on the other hand, is hardly quiet nor unassuming. But, he’s still sexy; (6) I’m crazy about Gnarls Barkley. The awards show was waaay more interesting because this distinctly original group performed; (7) I can’t decide if I want to fuck Shakira or Wyclef more. Their song is sooo sexy; (8) LUDA!!! Always a favorite; (9) I don’t know what it is, but I find myself strangely attracted to Anthony Kiedis; and, finally (10) The Dixie Chicks’ multiple wins last night were like loud bitchslaps heard around the music industry: yay free speech and, yes, we’re all really tired of this Dubya guy. By the way, if you’re interested, click here to see the trailer for the film about their controversy and then watch the music video below.

February 12th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [8] folks got down with the Funky Brown

The Secret to Great Sex Is …

Wait. Hold that thought. I’m soooooooo fucking glad it’s Friday! This week almost kicked my ass. As many of you know, I work full-time and I’m completing a part-time MA program. That stuff, the blog, the internet radio show, church, friends, a couple of recent dates, writing projects, family, etc. etc. I enjoy it all, but somehow it was all a bit much this week. I’m exhausted. So, I’m taking it easy this weekend. My only set plans are an interesting rendezvous with Playboy Magazine and a private art exhibition party on Saturday. (I’ll fill you in on all of the details soon.) Thank God, Buddha, the Dali Lama and every other good and holy deity for Fridays.

Anyway, new topic …

Sex. I’m not getting any. But, that doesn’t mean that it’s not on my mind. In preparation for Monday’s episode of Dating Roadkill ( … yeah, I know the site needs to be updated with the new info DONE) … Shit. Where was I? Oh, yeah … Sex. Okay, so, I checked out 20 Amazing Sex Secrets on iVillage. Research, for my show, you know? Monday’s episode of Dating Roadkill is “A Surprise Valentine’s Day Show”. Our guests will be sex columnist Rachel Kramer Bussel and author of The Great Sex Secret Kim Marshall. Join us for a conversation about the best ways to surprise your lover (or, if you’re flying solo like I am … yourself) with great sex this Valentine’s Day! To listen to the live show, visit BlogTalkRadio on Monday at 10:00PM EST.

February 9th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Beer Goggles Make Ugly People Appear Hot

Definition of “beer goggles” from Wikipedia: “Beer goggles is a slang term for a phenomenon in which one’s consumption of alcohol makes physically unattractive people appear beautiful. The term is often associated with the awkward experience of waking up the following morning to discover that the person lying next to you is less attractive than you had previously believed (see also coyote ugly).”

NOTE: “Scientists believe they have worked out a formula to calculate how ‘beer goggles’ affect a drinker’s vision.” [Read all about it: BBC]

February 8th, 2007 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown