Ourselves as Others See Us.
One of the questions that I always like to ask men that I’ve been dating for a little while is: “if you had to describe your impressions of me using only three words, which words would you choose?” I’m not a narcissist … ok, well, maybe I am, just a tiny bit. But, that’s not the point. My point is that I find it fascinating that men often perceive me differently than I perceive myself. It’s like I have this image of who I am and guys have a different one. Le Canadien often told me, “you’re a very sensual person, Funky Brown Chick.” That always struck me as strange because I don’t think that I’m any more or less sensual than the average woman out there. But, I think his comments hark back to something that my friend Stan once said, “men get the impression that you’re an easy lay because you’re so outgoing and boisterous.”
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining about (some) guys’ impressions of me. After all, I’ve always believed that our perceptions of others say more about our own attitudes than they do about other people. For example, if I say that I think David Beckham has a high-pitched voice, that says more about my views on what’s considered an “appropriately” masculine voice than it does about Davey’s vocal chords. (Speaking of Davey, did you *SEE* that sexy photo and read that fabulous article in Details magazine???) But, I digress. Tell me, what’s *your* story? Are you more outgoing than people realize? Are you more insecure than you let on? Do *you* ever have the impression that people perceive you differently than you perceive yourself?
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 am
Three words to describe you? Hmmm…
-Funky*
-Brown
-Chick
Did I nail it? Will you go out with me? I asked Cameron and he said it was okay.
*funky as in groovy, not stinky.
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:44 am
So I’ve been reading your blog for a while now so it’s fair to say I’ve got a fairly comprehensive mental picture of what you’re like. Friendly, outgoing, honest, take-no-bullshit, slightly impatient at times….any of these ring a bell?:) It’d be cool to meet up and see if any of this rings true, if I do happen to visit NY sometime (and I mean this in a VERY non-stalker way!).
Me…gah I’m totally used to stereotypes and misconceptions. I tend to be quiet the first time I meet people, so I always get the “wow I thought you were really quiet when I met you but you’re not!” thing. I also get the ” wow your English is so good, and it’s not even your first language!” and “really, you’ve actually heard of Arch Enemy let alone like that kind of music (ok so it’s Swedish death metal but still!)” and so on. The list is endless…
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:34 am
I like to think of myself as a fairly good judge of what people are like in “real life” based on their online personas. For you, I’ve always thought: intelligent, assertive, self-assured.
It’s funny you should bring this up. Last week, a co-worker told me that someone from another department took her aside and asked her if someone other than I could help her with her computer issues in the future because she found me “intimidating” and “(over) intellectual.”
I’d always thought of myself as easygoing, friendly, and funny. Just goes to show…!
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:07 am
fbc eh? well I gotta agree with your boy stan. you are really outgoing, as for boisterous i dont know, maybe a little? I havent met you in reallife so I can’t decide on that.
” I’ve always believed that our perceptions of others say more about our own atittuttes than they do about other people. ” so true.
Btw isn’t it Female F(t)uesdays? :P
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 am
I think Andy got you right. The question is – do you think Andy got you right?
As for me, I’ve been told that I come across as confident, perhaps a little intimidating and maybe even scary – not at all close to the insecure, babbling fool I actually am. The kicker? I once dated a guy who after a few months said “Wow, you are really nice. I never realised that about you.” ?? Made me wonder why he was dating me – but perhaps it should have made me wonder why I was dating him…..
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:46 am
I’d never thought of it as refelecting more on the person than yourself. That’s interesting, and now that I think about it, most likely true.
How I’ve repeatedly been told people perceive me? Standoffish. Which is strange because for sure I’m quiet (not shy) but I don’t think of myself as a snob.
:)
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Hey!
Long time no comment (life’s been nuts!).
To be honest, there are days where I’m not sure how people see me. Hell, there are days when I don’t know how I see myself.
Somedays I’m confident, others, not so much. Somedays I’m cheerful and outgoing, others, brooding and moody. That’s the problem I think, there’s been so much up and down with my life, that I have yet to find that happy middle ground where I’m comfortable all the time.
Female friends tell me that they don’t understand why I’m single, yet they aren’t the ones who want to date me… It’s a strange dichotomy and supremely frustrating, because that part of me, being single and having trouble finding women to be in a relationship with, is now how many people are percieving me…
which, in a word, sucks…
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:54 pm
1. Giiiiiirrrrrrrl – i gasped out loud when i saw that beckham photo. at my desk. in the office. even though i’m watching a dry news report about canada’s military preparedness….mmmmm, uniforms.
2. right. i digress. actually i like this question because one of the reasons i started to blog (and i’m still finding my voice over there), is that i was starting to get the feeling that pple really have no idea who i am. i move around a lot, and in the last few years i’ve kind of been using a short hand persona with strangers/newcomers to my life. to the point that there’s only a handful of people who actually know i am.
mmmmm. maybe i should construct a post about that.
so yeah (i know, this is getting long) there are boys who think i’m a whooore (usually the ones i’m a whoorish with), and there are boys who think i’m shy or unattainable (usually the boys i like so much i get all stammery around), and there are the boys who think i’m snooty (usually the boys whose political views i’m thoroughly disgusted with).
c’est tout.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:18 pm
This is fun :)
Blunt
Enlightening
Fun
April 3rd, 2007 at 11:56 pm
I could say cheerful, honest and hillarious. I’m going to bed! Night!
April 4th, 2007 at 12:34 am
Everyone: I’m not lying when I say that I was / am honestly surprised by the number of you who left comments to let me know the three words that come to mind when you think of me. I’m surprised that so many of you did it, and even more surprised how incredibly accurate many of you were. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: FBC readers are the best readers on the internet!!! I feel very lucky to have you.
Howard: I am, indeed, funky. I can be described as “brown”. And, I’m certainly a chick!!! :) You nailed it, Howard! And, by the way … no need to leave Cameron out of the fun; he should join us. ;-)
Darwin: You *should* visit New York!!! Yeah, at first I was completely freaked out by the idea of in-person “blogger / reader meetings”. I used to be 100% against them. However, over the past two years, I’ve done quite a few of them and it’s been great. Lemme see … So far, I’ve met 12 – 15 folks in person. And, I’ve liked them all. Interestingly enough … they’ve all been fellow bloggers. (I’ve never agreed to meet anyone who was a reader who didn’t blog.)
Andy: (Over)intellectual? I’d expect nothing less from a man who majored in philosophy in college. :-)
Papigiulio: You know what, I *should* bring back the underwear posts or something else for the fellas. I used to keep it fairly even (i.e. mention a guy for the ladies, post sexy underwear for the fellas), but I’ve been slacking. Hmmm … I have to think of a “womanly” idea for the blog.
Lala: I think Andy got me right, too. I don’t think I’m a dumbass and I do tend to stick up for myself. Now, this self-assured stuff? I don’t know. I certainly have moments where I feel completely and hopelessly insecure. The more I want somethung, the more insecure I am about it.
distar: There’s nothing wrong with being a *little bit* snobby. As long as it doesn’t go too far.
Mitch: I missed you!!! We sooo need to get you hooked up with someone. Wait a minute. What am I talking about?!?! Why do I care about your situation? *I’m* single too. Hell, I need to save my pity / frustration for mydamnself. You’re on your own, kid!!! ;)
HippieChyck: That’s a *GREAT* photo of him, isn’t it?!?!
Felicia & Nat: Awwww, THANK YOU both for your kind words! :)
April 4th, 2007 at 9:02 am
You: sexy (in a good way), smart, exciting
Me: enough about me…
April 4th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Thank you for the words. :)
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 am
[...] I’m the same online and offline. Interestingly enough, in April 2007, I wrote a post called Ourselves as Others See Us. Funky Brown Chick readers who’ve never met me described me the same way friends who’ve [...]