Alison is drinking a raspberry martini. I’m drinking a Paulaner Hefeweizen beer. We’re at a bar in midtown just north of Times Square, near Hell’s Kitchen. “Alison, I’m such a loser because … and you’re gonna laugh at this … I actually tell people that you’re Andy Milonakis‘ sister,” I laugh as I sip my beer before continuing. “Really. I mean it. I tell people: ‘You remember Alison, right? Well, she’s Andy Milonakis’ sister’.” Alison giggles in a tone that seems to say, ‘Funky Brown Chick, you’re a goofball.’ But, I can’t help it. I still think it’s kinda cool that she’s his sister.
Anyway, so, Andy Milonakis’ sister and I are talking about my 4th grade school choir teacher. (I know. Random, right? Must have been the beer talking.) I tell Alison that I went to 4th grade in rural Mississippi. Back then, the 4th grade girls had this performance art / singing thing that we were going to do for the big talent show. The younger girls sang “I Can Sing A Rainbow” while us older women, the 4th grade girls, danced with colored scarves.
In rehearsals, the choir director had asked us to pick up the scarves with “the hand that you write with” and then turn in that direction. (It was a public school in Mississippi; I think she was afraid that we didn’t know left from right.) Anyway, so, all of the other girls picked up their scarves with their right hands. But, aha, I’m left-handed. And, I wanted to be different. So, I defiantly picked up my scarf with my left hand and twirled left while all of the other girls twirled right. I did this once, twice, and then again. The choir director wasn’t amused. She ripped the scarf out of my hand and kicked me out of the big dance performance.
“Man,” says Alison, “you should have hunted that beeeotch down and tied her up with one of those rainbow scarves.”
I laugh so hard that I almost spit out my beer.
Talents. We’ve all got them. For the record, in case anyone was wondering, hunting beeeotches down and tying them up with rainbow scarves isn’t one of mine. I prefer to write, draw and take pictures. But, tell me, what’s one of your talents? Did you have the lead solo when you were in 3rd grade? Did you win top prize at the school science fair? Were you named volunteer of the year last year? Feel free to toot your own horn in the comment section.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I used to be rather good at art. Sketching, painting, mostly watercolours and pastels. I won the senior art prize in the last 3 yrs of my school:). How’s that for tooting? Sadly I don’t really have the time for it anymore and I haven’t picked up a paintbrush or a sketch pencil in about oh, 4-5 yrs now.
I can beat almost anyone at Boggle. I don’t ever want to be in any sort of tournament, because I am sure there are legitimately good Boogle geniuses out there who would kick my ass in no time. But among and average group of friends? I cannot lose.
I can totally make people feel positive about themselves, and not in a lame, “no you really ARE fabulous” kind of way. I really think I could be a motiviational speaker if I thought that was a real job.
Oh, and I also dance really well to anything latin.
p.s. this is my first time posting on FBC, i’m very excited, i love reading your blog!
People tell me I’m funny.
I am a GREAT Baker..horrible decorator LOL.
I am also good at crochet (plus it is much relaxing)!!!
i’ve a talent for writing and cooking; i love them both and (luckily) still manage to keep my girlish figure.
I was my Senior Class President and Salutatorian in High School.
I was soo poopular! LOL
I usually only show this talent to people I know reasonably well: I can tie cherry stems in a knot using only my tongue and teeth. **Please do not send lude or crude proposals. I’m married, and would like to stay that way.
Alison thinks I am funny a lot of the time. I’ve even made Andy spit out his beer in a bar! But if you can’t take a dirty, and I mean GROSS, sense of humor then don’t listen to me! Haha
Darwin: That’s great!!! Actually, I not surprised that you sketch, paint and watercolor. I’ve seen the pics you’ve posted of your delicious food creations; I figured there had to be a hidden artist hidden behind all of that. You should sketch something goofy this weekend, take a picture of it and post it on your blog! :)
stefanie: “I cannot lose.” Those sound like fightin’ words!
Alicia: YAY!!!! Welcome to public enjoyment of the blog!!! :) I *LOVE* it when readers delurk themselves!!! (Thanks for reading.) Oh, and, by the way … I used to date a motivational speaker. He was really good at that stuff too. It’s certainly a talent.
ChiGirl: And, I’m sure that you are. That’s not usually something that people would lie to you about.
Felicia: If you like baking, check out Dawin’s blog. She does a lot of it. And, she gives good blog, too.
Susan: Maaaaan, why’d you have to mention the girlish figure? Now, I’m sooooo reminded that I need to work out more before the swimsuit season arrives. I’ve been eating like a hog lately.
tonito bandito: Wow!!! You’re a smart cookie!! :-)
Pegs: You’re such a horny little bitch! ;)
Alexandra: How gross is gross? Actually, wait, I take that back. I don’t think I want to know.
I founded the computer club in my school, then took over to teach the class… 8-) (that’s a proud nerd smiling)
I do this thing with my bottom lip, but you’d have to see it to understand.
Also, I have an uncanny ability to come up with nicknames that stick and then become internets pseudonyms.
ErrorBoy: I love it when people geek out!!! I was in math club in high school.
sid: Heeeeey … what’s this bottom lip thing??? Have I seen it?