According to sources on the internet ( … the bible of all things good and true …), inverted exclamation points are used in some languages, such as Spanish, to express an excited and exclamatory statement. So, today it’s only appropriate that I greet you with a cheery: ¡¡¡¡¡Hola chicas y chicos!!!!!

Do you know what today is? If this is your first time here at FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, you may not know that I like to do “Reader Appreciation Days” every so often. There was the first one, the one where I fucked each of you, and then there were all of the other “Reader Appreciation Days” in between. (And, who could forget my love for Kyla?) Okay, so, until now the RADs were always just public, written expressions of my love for you. But, that’s about to change:

Single. Sexy. Blogging.
Slainte @ 6:00pm
304 Bowery
Friday, May 4th.

It’s just a teeny little pre-Cinco de Mayo get together for a few readers and fellow NYC bloggers. And, hey, your second round of drinks is on me! Wait. Check that. I lied. The second round is on the house. (They have a 2-for-1 happy hour.) You don’t have to be single, sexy, and blogging to attend but you should be *AT LEAST* one of those things. I originally thought of this idea about a month ago, and I think that first Friday in May works well. (Apologies for the delay.) Hope to see a few of you there. But, if you don’t want to come, that’s okay. I’m sooooo not afraid to drink alone.

I’m on the phone with my friend Mags when she casually mentions that I never say anything about her on my blog anymore. (Hi, Mags!) It’s odd to actually have a conversation about the stuff that I say on my blog, but I digress. Anyway, so, my real life conversation with Mags somehow turns to online dating & matchmaking. About a year ago, I hooked fellow blogger Mitch up with a blind date using only my blog and two typing fingers. He’s currently single, but I wonder if three times is a charm. Maybe? I don’t know, but I’m gonna give it a shot. Okay, so, if you missed the first “Hottie Available for Hookup” on the FBC last year, here’s how this works …

Currently, I typically get about 20,000 sexy muthafuckin’ monthly visitors on “the FBC”, FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com. And, I’m willing to bet that at good percentage of the folks reading these words right now are, you know, “normal”. Just like you. So, if you live in Chicago or DC and you’re daring enough to go on (or set your male friend up for) a blind date, email me and I’ll put you in contact with one of the women below. If you don’t live in Chicago or DC, fret not, you can play along too. Non-Chicago (or non-DC) dwellers can simply click HERE to forward this post to a friend. It’s a small world. *SOMEBODY* out there knows someone (who knows someone) who knows a guy who would be perfect for this blind date thing.

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Mags @ Washington, DC
I’ve known this chick since I was a freshman in college! If you’ve got a fetish for short (5′0″) sweet women with red hair, Mags is just the chick for you. She’d probably fit well with an outgoing, friendly, intelligent guy who can make her laugh. Closed-minded men need not apply … neither should self-righteous emo-rockers. Stick to the middle of the road, folks; she was raised in the suburbs! By the way, Mags has an awesome sense of humor. If you’ve never checked out Conversations with Mags and Bro, you should. Check Mags’ profound rantings about her ethnicity, health and the importance of good grammar.

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K-Mac @ Chicago

When I first moved back to Chicago five years ago, my wild child friend “Lady D” introduced me to K-Mac. (And, just for the record … before any of you fools ask … YES, that is her real hair!!!!) K-Mac is a Georgia peach with southern values. She knows how to make an intelligent, educated man with a good sense of humor happy. VERY happy. She’d fit well with a guy who’s into reading & traveling. K-Mac is taller than I am. Maybe 5′7″ or 5′8″? So, the guy for her should probably be somewhat tall and slim. By the way … K-Mac is a nice, friendly, upstanding woman in the community. She’s got a great job and her own money … so she’s not going to be after yours. :)

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Okay, so, those are the two latest “Hottie Hookups”. Why do I do this? Well, as I’ve said before, I believe in Karma. If I help my fellow man (and, in this case, woman) out in the lovin’ & fuckin’ department, the Karma Gods might smile on me and eventually reward me with a really good date here in NYC some day. What goes around comes around, eh? So, come on. Let’s all bond together to help these ladies out. Click HERE to forward this post to a friend.

Click the image to read about an Easter dinner conversation quite unlike any other. [NSFW.] For the record … I desperately tried to keep the conversation and activities squarely within the realm of G to PG13, but the orgy of heathens that you see sitting around the table just wouldn’t cooperate with me. From left to right: (names changed to protect the guilty) White Chocolate, Fiancée, Me, The E, Guyanese Guy, Filmmaker, and Bro.

Today, we’re going to try something a little bit different. One Manly Monday. Two questions. The first question is for the ladies, the second question is for the fellas. (I’m trying to keep this fair so that everyone can participate.) Ready? Okay, here we go: Ladies, when it comes to the final strands of male pattern baldness, do you prefer your guy to shave it or save it? Is it okay for a guy to hang on to those last few strands for dear life, or should he just man up and shave it all off? Shave it or save it: what’s your preference?

Fellas, the ladies will soon weigh in and tell us what they’d like to see on top of your head. So, now it’s your turn. Migrate south a little bit, and state your preference: when it comes to the land down under, shave it or save it?

At the end of the day, if I don’t believe in myself, I can’t really expect anyone else to. So, I turned the job down. I’d tell you more about the interview and all that stuff but, as you know, I don’t really blog about work. So, I guess that’s the end of that. The search for a job that pays my bills *and* feeds my passions (or at least puts me on the road to getting there) continues …

You can find me at Nerve today. [Link: I'll Take Things Between Your Legs for $200 Alex.] Next. I’ve got a bunch of thoughts swimming through my head about yesterday’s post. Can’t go into details just yet. For now, suffice it to say that yesterday’s post was inspired by the fact that I have an interview today. The job isn’t in the arts and it’s not creative. But, it’s “stable” and it plays to my skills. (And, I can continue to write, produce, and create on my own time.) Anyway, so, this is like my 4th or 5th round of interviews. My guess is that an offer may be forthcoming. I’m not 100% sure that it is. And, I’m not 100% that I’d accept it if offered. In any case, I’m 100% sure that I’m staying in New York. That’s not even a question. And, the next time that you hear from me, the post will either start:

(A) I chose creativity.
(B) I chose stability.
(C) Given the choice between creativity and stability, oddly enough, I chose neither.

So … Just out of curiousity, what’s your guess?

I think I’m having an identity crisis. (Fret not; it’s not personal, it has to do with my long-term professional life / career goals in general.) Exactly five years ago, I moved to Illinois. I was jobless, somewhat irritated and confused. [Click here for the backstory.] More than anything else in the whole world, I seriously craved stability. And, you know what? I eventually landed a great job, a kickass apartment near downtown and a new boyfriend. (I later kicked the boyfriend, Blondie, to the curb when he started acting like an emotionally abusive freakshow … but that’s beside the point.) I kept that job and that apartment for nearly three years. Stability. I wanted it. I got it. It felt good.

The only thing missing was the city. My city. Although I’ll always consider Illinois my home and I’m very happy that I grew up there, it was time to move on. I didn’t feel like I *fit* there anymore. I wanted a larger, more international, more diverse & ethnically integrated city. So, I began to plan my next move: New York City. And, lucky for me, the universe opened up and things worked out exactly as they should. NYC *is* larger, more international, more diverse & ethnically integrated. I guess I got what I wanted. But, if I’m being honest with myself … I moved here for other reasons, too. Namely, my career.

I made a conscious effort to move closer to a career in the arts. Currently, I work (semi)full-time, complete the book proposal, pitch magazine articles, plan the second season of the internet radio show, manage two blogs and go to grad school. While I may have chosen the new path, I didn’t choose the bumps that come along with it. Things aren’t working out quite like I thought that they would. I’ve lived here only two years, but I’ve had three different apartments and three different jobs. If my life in Illinois was characterized by safety and stability, my life in New York has been characterized by an organized chaotic uncertainty. (Other people who work in the arts and/or write on a freelance basis seem to say that this is somewhat par for the course.)

At times, it feels like everything is working out *and* nothing is working out. Does that make any sense? And, now, I feel slightly the same as I did five years ago: somewhat irritated and confused. I want stability — a full-time, benefits-carrying job in the arts. And, I also want to continue to write, produce and create. I think that’s what’s causing the identity crisis: I’m trying to obtain stability in an unpredictable field. I want to be creative & imaginative *and* enjoy routines such as annual physicals actually covered by health insurance. If I can’t have both — creativity and stability — does that mean that I have to choose one or the other? I’d be lying if I said that I knew what the right answer to that question is. Then again, I’m not even sure that I believe in “right”answers anymore. Maybe we all just make the best decisions that we can given the information that we have at a given time? If that’s the case, I sometimes wish that I had more information.

Technorati Tags: Illinois

Tags:Illinois

One of the questions that I always like to ask men that I’ve been dating for a little while is: “if you had to describe your impressions of me using only three words, which words would you choose?” I’m not a narcissist … ok, well, maybe I am, just a tiny bit. But, that’s not the point. My point is that I find it fascinating that men often perceive me differently than I perceive myself. It’s like I have this image of who I am and guys have a different one. Le Canadien often told me, “you’re a very sensual person, Funky Brown Chick.” That always struck me as strange because I don’t think that I’m any more or less sensual than the average woman out there. But, I think his comments hark back to something that my friend Stan once said, “men get the impression that you’re an easy lay because you’re so outgoing and boisterous.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining about (some) guys’ impressions of me. After all, I’ve always believed that our perceptions of others say more about our own attitudes than they do about other people. For example, if I say that I think David Beckham has a high-pitched voice, that says more about my views on what’s considered an “appropriately” masculine voice than it does about Davey’s vocal chords. (Speaking of Davey, did you *SEE* that sexy photo and read that fabulous article in Details magazine???) But, I digress. Tell me, what’s *your* story? Are you more outgoing than people realize? Are you more insecure than you let on? Do *you* ever have the impression that people perceive you differently than you perceive yourself?