From the monthly archives:

May 2007

The Line Between Public and Private

A couple of days ago, I asked you guys, “Would you date a blogger?” Some of you said yes. Some of you said no. One reader in particular, Mindspin, mentioned something that I’ve been wrapping my brain around over the last 24 hours. “If someone wants to write about our relationship,” Mindspin comments. “Is it really all that different from talking to your friends or family about it?”

Good question. For better or worse, my recent dating experiences have shown me over and over again the answer seems to be yes. Yes, people regard “talking” about a date much differently than they regard “blogging” about a date. Let me give you a scenario. I’d say it’s hypothetical, but it’s not. It’s my life. So, here it is.

Girl goes out on a date with guy. Girl thinks she might like guy. Nothing *MAJOR*. Just, you know, your average “hmmm … he seems nice” kind of thing. Anyway, so, in the days after the date, two things happen. (1) She tells her friends how the date went. (2) She goes online and tells her readers how the date went. Fast forward. Girl goes out on a second date with a guy. After the second date, the girl has a random fantasy about the guy. Afterwards, she does two things. (1) She and her friends have “girl talk” about the guy. (2) She blogs about her fantasy.

The line between public and private. Or, “girl talk” vs. “blog talk”. In the future, I’m sure that people will be much more comfortable with “blog talk”. Discovering that you’re a “character” on someone’s blog won’t matter as much as it does now. Take any random date “John Doe”. For now, as fucked up as it sounds, “John Doe” would be slightly uncomfortable knowing that I talk to real life people about him — and divulge his real name, penis size, level of attractiveness, style of kissing or any other random details that fall under the general category of “girl talk”. However, he would be unbelievably uncomfortable knowing that random fucking strangers who know absolutely no identifiable details about him (and, I might add, have absolutely no chance of ever meeting him in person) know that I have fantasies about him. Why do strangers know about my fantasies about him? Because I wrote that shit in my blog.

Seriously. Think about that for a second. If I tell my girlfriends graphic details about the size of John Doe’s dick, that’s considered more “private” than blogging about my desires to have “anonymous man’s” penis inside of me??? That’s just fucking bullshit! And, it really makes me wonder about the state of “privacy” in the online and offline worlds. Speaking of privacy, if you guys haven’t read New York Magazine’s article on blogging and privacy, you should. It’s a fantastic read, and it’s one of the most well-written pieces out there about the current generation divide.

That’s all for now. I’ll write more about the privacy stuff once I’ve had time to wrap my head around recent, personal developments that inspired this post.

{ 7 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

I’m Going to Barbados!

Um, yeah, I can’t quite believe it myself either. Folks, I need to interrupt our regularly scheduled program here at the FBC, again, to make an announcement: I just found out that I’m going to Barbados next month. For five days!!!! My friend Raj is the sweetest man on the face of the earth. I adore him, and we always have a ton of fun together. So, for his upcoming trip to Barbados, he asked me if I’d like to travel with him. I told him that I’d love to go, but I have absolutely no cash to take a trip like that. Raj, being the unbelievably amazing person that he is, kindly donated his frequent flier miles to me. So, I have a free flight. And, he’s letting me crash in his hotel. So, I have a free hotel room. Free flight. Free hotel. So, yeah, not only am I going to Barbados … I’m going to go there for FREE. Wow! And, I don’t even have to put out!!! (Raj and I are friends. Just friends. And, nothing else. Plus, he’s gay.) Man. Life really seems to be turning around for me. For the past two years, I’ve had a pretty chaotic and stressful life here in New York. At times, it felt like nothing was working out. It’s good that things seem to be turning a corner.

Vacation. Man, I love that word. Not counting the weekend trip to the Hamptons for a wedding last summer and two trips home to see my family, this is going to be my first “real” vacation trip outside of New York City in more than two years. Finally. VACATION. Just thinking about it puts a smile on my face. No real plans. No schedule. No one to visit. Just me, my buddy Raj, the beach, the sun and the smell of the ocean. Raj is an amazing human being, and I’m forever grateful that he is in my life. I liked him *before* the free trip to Barbados. But, now, I like him even more now.

On a completely different note … I haven’t forgotten that I promised one of my readers, KB, a post about female-to-male erotic spanking. I plan to post that on Nerve later today. Done. It’s posted. Hit me up at Nerve if you want spanking tales. (Pun intended.)

{ 12 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Memorial Day Weekend 2007: Coney Island

We’re standing on the beach with windblown hair and no make-up. Yep. My absolutely adorable little strawberry redhead friend, Mags, came to New York for a visit over Memorial Day weekend. Three days of party and bullshit topped off with my first ever visit to Coney Island. Ah, Coney Island. I liked it much better than I thought it would. World famous Nathan’s hot dogs, piña coladas, boys in tiny swimsuits, Mexican food, sun, fun, beach and sand. Then, repeat cycle for the remaining hours of the weekend. Sorry for the interruption. We’ll return to the regularly scheduled program here at the FBC tomorrow. Mental note … Must. Go. To. More. Beaches. This. Summer.

{ 16 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Bodies & Sex Are Good And Beautiful

I fucking love my readers. Really. I mean it. I love each and every one of you. And, today, I want to talk about two readers in particular: Error Boy and KB. I actually know Error Boy in real life; he’s a friend that happens to read my blog. KB is an anonymous reader who recently sent me an email about spanking. Let’s start with KB. Here’s her email:

Hey FBC,

Love your blog and I think it is very cool IMHO that you spank men. Really? I’m just as keen as beans to try it but I need a few tips on … well, how do you bring up the subject?

not a domme either,
kb

Couple of thoughts. First and formost, the password for the spanking post is “spank” if you want to read it. (No worries; it’s much tamer than you’d imagine.) Second, I *love* it that KB uses the phrase “keen as beans”. I was raised in the cornfields of the Illinois. I’m convinced that the Midwest is the birthplace of *every* hokey saying in this country’s lexicon. Thirdly, and finally, can I just say that it’s such a stroke to my ego that KB considers me a go-to source about female-to-male erotic spanking. Okay, so, having said all of this … I wrote KB back and thanked her for her very kind email. Also, I’ve decided to devote my next post to divulging everything that you ever wanted to know about spanking. It will be like the “Anal Is The New Oral” post. Nothing particularly erotic or stimulating — just informative reporting on sexual activities between consenting adults.

Next. Time for Error Boy. He’s great because he brought my attention to two articles that I somehow missed. Even though I’m a newsjunkie who reads pretty much everything that gets published about sex & relationships, I occasionally miss a piece here and there. (Hey, I’m human.) At any rate, here are the two article that Error Boy sent me … MSNBC contributor Brian Alexander’s “Erotic Art Becoming Mainstream?” and Wired Magazine’s “Sex and Nudity Aren’t Good Reasons to Fire Someone.” GREAT articles. Give them a read if you get a chance. From the Wired piece:

[If we start] with the premise that bodies and sex are good and beautiful, we don’t have to follow it with “and therefore we need to keep them secret.” That’s like saying sex is dirty and shameful and therefore to be saved for your One True Love. Or saying that something so sacred and intimate must be hidden — but you don’t see anyone trying to keep yoga or prayer in the closet.

I still believe that our pretenses of primness will give way before the rising tide of expression.

Coming up next week here on FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com as well as on my blog over at Nerve … daily posts that celebrate the fact that “Bodies & Sex Are Good And Beautiful”. Because KB asked ever so nicely, the first post will be about Female-to-Male Erotic Spanking. If any of you out there have other ideas, topics or questions that you would like to see discussed next week, just leave ‘em in the comment section below or shoot ‘em to me via email on funkybrownchick {at} yahoo {dot} com.

{ 5 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Would You Date A Blogger?

“So, you go on a date. You blog about it. And, then the guy that you went on a date with goes to your blog and he actually reads what you wrote?” That’s D. Lock. He’s asking me these questions because he’s slightly amazed, slightly confused. A couple of days ago, he and I had one of the most interesting conversations ever about dating and blogging. (Sidenote: I’ve met D. Lock only recently; I love it when I make new friends!!) Anyway, so, as I was saying … the conversation with D. Lock turns to blogging and dating. I tell him about my dates with Simon and the Right-Winger Gunslinger. Two guys. Both know that I blog. Both know where to find the blog that you’re reading right now as well as the blog on Nerve. I assume that both guys read my blog, but I can’t be 100% sure. I haven’t flat out asked. Yet. But, hell, if I were dating a fellow blogger I know that *I* would definitely read their blog. Actually, now that I think about it …

“I know I’m going to sound like a total hypocrite saying this,” I tell D. Lock, “but … I wouldn’t date a blogger. Actually. Wait. Check that. I would date a blogger, just not one who writes about sex, dating and relationships. In other words, I wouldn’t date a male me.” It would be too weird. You know. Me writing about my impressions of them. Them writing about their impressions of me. Both of us (and our readers) reading both blogs. Waaaaay too meta. I’d date a blogger who *doesn’t* blog about their relationships. Or, on the flip side, if *I* didn’t blog about relationships, I’d date a blogger who did.

I know that the vast majority of you who read this blog never leave comments. So, I don’t really know what the blogger-to-nonblogger ratio is among you. But, for those of you who do comment, I know that most of you are fellow bloggers. (I read your blogs.) Hmm … If you blog, would you date a fellow blogger? If you don’t blog, would you ever enter the madness and date someone who does? And, if you did go on a date with a blogger, would you read what they wrote about you?

{ 15 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

My Grandfather’s Penis

When I’m not laughing my ass off about Google Smart Ass, I’m working on two proposals that I soooo hope will be well-received by the recepients. If so, I’ll be able to tell you about the stuff sometime soon. But, recently, I spent so much time on the proposals that I didn’t get a chance to write a full FBC post this morning. More later. Until then, you can read all about my grandfather’s penis at Nerve.

{ 3 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Living Just Enough for the City

This blog is about my life and my dates in New York City. And, I’d feel like an evil soulless bitch from hell if I didn’t take this opportunity to draw your attention to an issue that affects the lives of the vast majority of New Yorkers (self included): affordable housing. If you don’t live in New York, the term “affordable housing” might be synonymous with “poor” or “section 8″ or something like that. If you live in New York, you know all too well that affordable housing is a pressing issue for most middle-class, professional people.

I don’t think that the question of affordable housing is more “important” because it now affects people like me and my friends. The issue was *already* important. It’s just finally getting the attention that it deserves because the people that it now affects actually vote. It’s one thing to screw over poor, disenfranchised non-voters. It’s another thing to screw over and piss of your voting constituency. So, if you live in New York and you pay waaay too much for rent, come to the affordable housing rally tomorrow:

WHAT: Affordable housing rally
WHEN: Wednesday, May 23rd
WHERE: Between 14th and 23rd Streets on 1st Avenue
TIME: 5:00pm sharp (lasts until 8ish, so meet at Union Square later if you can’t make it at 5)
URL: http://newyorkisourhome.blogspot.com/

{ 4 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Understanding Social Chemistry

This is a picture of me 10 minutes before I left the house for my date on Friday night. (No, it never occurred to me to take the picture vertically so that you would be able to see more of the dress; but, yes, now that I think about it, that would have made sense.) Anyway, so, if you wanna hear the play-by-play of my date with Simon, check me out at Nerve.com [slightly NSFW]. Okay, so, back to the FBC. If you’ve been to my blog before, you already know that Mondays are reserved for manly topics: “Manly Monday”. Sometimes there’s a profile of a specific man (e.g. that reader who sent me a picture of his penis). Sometimes it’s a question about the bedicked persons of the earth in general (e.g. Should balding men shave it or save it?). Today’s topic is more like the latter; it’s a general question about “chemistry.”

In the physical world, “chemistry” explains how elements combine, behave and relate to one another. In the social world, “chemistry” explains how *individuals* combine, behave and relate to one another. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in chemistry. I have an uncanny ability to read people. (Maybe it’s my natural inclination, the degrees in Sociology, or some combination of both.) At any rate, within five minutes of meeting a date for the first time, I can usually tell whether or not I’m going to like him. And, most of the times, I can also predict why the relationship won’t last. More on that some other day, for today I wanna stick with the topic of chemistry.

My friend Paz has the most interesting definitions of chemistry that I’ve ever heard. She warns that, in dating, people usually click with instant chemistry for one reason: each person sees their own “issues” in the other person. According to Paz, people instantly click because (subconsciously) they recognize that the other person is dealing with a familiar issue. For example, emotionally unavailable people usually have chemistry with other emotionally unavailable people because it means that neither one of them will challenge the other to be emotionally available.

In some respects, I agree with Paz wholeheartedly. But, her theory of chemistry makes me slightly uncomfortable because it makes chemistry seem pathological — a bad thing, a pattern that needs to be corrected. I think chemistry *can* be that (i.e. abused women who habitually have chemistry with abusive men), but I think that chemistry is also a good thing. Is it possible that chemistry is just the opposite of what Paz said? We’re all works in progress. Everyone is flawed. So, then, is it possible that “chemistry” is the ability to instantly recognize in another person beautiful imperfections that nicely compliment your own (i.e. introverted guys who have chemistry with extroverted women)? I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on chemistry — especially the guys out there. However, anyone (male, female or other) who’d like to use the comments section below to share their thoughts on “chemistry” is welcome to do so.

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{ 13 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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