I woke up this morning, and I felt compelled to write an entire post about players and how to spot them. Afterall, it’s Monday. And, Mondays are “Manly Mondays” here at the FBC. Actually, the more that I think about it, I can’t believe I’ve had ongoing Manly Mondays since November 26, 2006 and exactly *none* of them have been about players. So, today’s post is the first installment of an on-going series of Manly Mondays that will be sort of a cryptanalysis of the ways and words of players. (Click here for details about the alleged player who inspired this post.)
Together, we’ll tear a page out of the player’s handbook and decode exactly what it says. But, here are a couple of things to keep in mind. Please note that this cryptanalysis won’t hog up space every Monday. I have to leave room for other things. There are far too many gorgeous men out that simply must be adored on Mondays. And, of course, there and far too many probing questions that help us understand them better. Next, even though it’s “Manly Monday”, I by no means want to imply that men are the only people who use these tricks. Therefore, I’ll try to use gender-neutral language when describing the tricks. And, finally, note that each installment of the cryptanalysis will fully dissect only one trick at a time, in no particular order.
“Wait a minute Funky Brown Chick,” I hear you saying, “Hasn’t this already been done? Don’t we all already know the tricks that players play?” No, no my delicate little flowers. The point of the cryptanalysis of the ways and words of players is this: the players are morphing. The new breed of players, nouveau players if you will, have evolved. Their tricks are slightly more sophisticated. So, without further adieu, I give you …
Player Trick #305: The Late Late Dinner.
The players of yesteryear had it easy. When the player wanted to get a quick fix, the player simply had to pick up the cellphone and make a call or send a text between the high and holy hours of 10:45pm and 6:50am. Player made the call. Playee got played. But, then, something happened. The playees got smart. The phrase “booty-call” entered the dating lexicon. And, the gig was up. Although a few of the vintage players still use this trick, I get the sense that the nouveau players prefer “late late dinners”.
It’s kind of like talk shows. The Late Show is saucy. The Late Late Show is supposed to be saucier. Dinner at 7 or 8? Saucy. Dinner at 9 or 10? Saucier. (NOTE: I know my non-New Yorkers out there eat earlier, so feel free to make regional adjustments for the times.) And why, pray tell, did the players morph from straight booty-calling to the late late dinner? I don’t know. You tell me. But, if I had to venture to guess, I’d say there were two reasons. Reason number one: The playee gets dinner. The noveau player is a kinder, gentler breed of player who actually wants to do nice things like this. Reason number two: The noveau player is much more of a multitasker; it’s likely that the player had drinks, sex or something else entirely different lined up with another person earlier in the evening.
Feel free to use the comment section below to share your thoughts.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I always wanted to be a “player”, but I was never successful at it. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I just ended up getting kicked in the cojones a lot. I retired with a lifetime record of 0 and 13,691. I was the anti-Wilt Chamberlain. So here’s my last attempt: Can I still be a “player” if I just play lots of video games?
I think the dinner aspect can also delude the playee into believing this ain’t just a booty call in disguise. ;)
Baba Doodlius: LOVE the lifetime record of 0 and 13,691. Very funny. :)
Amy: EXACTLY!
Frankly, the biggest barrier to me becoming a player was always the effort. Having to spend that much time on my appearance and chatting up women strikes me as exhausting.
On an associated topic, where do you stand on the issue of women who want fuckbuddies? I have a theory that this is the 00′s equivalent of when during the 1990′s loads of women started claiming to be bi despite never having had sex with another woman and not being that motivated to take the plunge.
I reckon it’s hype. It’s a way of making someone sound more attractive and sexually liberated than they in fact are and demands very little in the way of backing-it-up behaviour.
Hey Jonathan! I wrote about that on Nerve a couple of months ago. I just emailed you the link.
HEY PEOPLE, WELL I THINK THAT IS A SIGN WHEN A GUY IS ONLY ABLE TO MEET UP WITH U AT 10 OR LATER. DO U THINK THAT A GUY SHOULD BE USING TERMS LIKE BABE AFTER MEETING U ONLY 3 DAY’S ?? WHAT ABOUT I LOVE U IN LESS THAN A MONTH?? BY THE WAY THIS GAME IS NOT BEING THROWN AT ME FEED BACK LOL THIS IS FUNNY OH BY THE WAY THE LADY IS OLDER THAN THE GUY !!