Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Dorothy the Simpleton, and Her Dog Toto

During my lunch hour at work, I like to run in Central Park. And, when I say “run”, I mean move very fast by using my feet to pump up and down on pavement. Typically, when a human being with even an ounce of common sense sees a person “running” toward them, they move. And, of course, by “move” I mean move out of the fucking way. But, for whatever unholy and ungodly reason, I’m learning that people (in Central Park at least) do not see the need to also move their dogs out of the way, too. This travesty occurred yet again the other day. I’m running on the joggers’ path in Central Park when, directly ahead, I see this woman and her tiny little dog lazily strolling along the joggers path. Sure, I could ask myself, “WHY THE FUCK ARE DOROTHY AND HER LITTLE DOG TOTO ON THE JOGGERS’ PATH???”, but that question might raise my blood pressure to alarming levels. Or, it might cause me to have an aneurysm. So, I don’t ask that question. As I approach the woman and her dog, I simply huff and puff and squeeze out a quickly labored “excuse me” to alert them that I’m coming. The woman turns around, see me running toward her, and she moves over to the left side of the path. But, get this … She doesn’t move her dog. So, yeah, now I’m running full speed ahead. There’s a woman on my left. The low string / leash is stretched across the width of the path. And, the tiny little dog is on my right.

I assess the situation quickly. I could try to hop over the leash, but I might trip and fall and hurt myself. That wouldn’t be pretty. So, given the choice between the dog and the woman, I choose to go around the tiny little dog because he seems like less of a simpleton than the woman does. But, to my great disappointment, the dog lets me down. He won’t stay put, and he starts moving around. So, now the three of us — Dorothy the simpleton, her dog Toto and I — are doing that awkward dance / shuffle thing in order to get around each other and not get tangled in the leash. Eventually, I get through it all unscathed. But, I swear I wanted to tackle that woman and/or use one of my hands to pick up that little 2-pound overgrown rat posing as a dog and spike it into the pavement. So, to the dog owners and dog walkers of Central Park, I say this: “on behalf of me and my fellow runners, *please* move yourself AND YOUR DOGS out of the way when you see us coming.”