When an Ex Gets Married
I’m standing on the corner of 5th Avenue and 43rd street screaming, “NO WAY!! NO WAY!!!” Mr. Responsible and I have agreed to meet for breakfast before work. But, when he shows up, he flashes a newly ringed left finger. Yup. Mr. Responsible got married. For those of you who are relatively new to my blog, I met Mr. Responsible via a mutual friend last summer. We went on a couple of dates; but, in the end, it was best that we just remain friends. In the past several months, we’ve been meeting for coffee, lunch and whatever else platonic friends do. During one of our get togethers, he mentioned that he’d started dating someone. Someone special. And, he said things were getting pretty serious with the woman. So, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. And, I don’t know why I am. In any case, he seems to be happy in the relationship, and it’s providing him with what he wanted.
I guess I’m just a little surprised because he’s my first New York friend to get married. And, not to mention, the first guy that I’ve ever dated that actually married someone else (to my knowledge). Have any of you out there experienced this? Have any of your ex-dates gotten married?
July 9th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
well, my college boyfriend has still not married, and my first true love in norway is living with a woman but never married… the best one though is the very first man i met online about 4 years ago. he was moving from new jersey to florida, and we emailed, im’d and talked on the phone for a couple of months before we finally met and had a fun first date. he was going back north to prepare for his move, and i didn’t hear from him for 3 weeks. when i saw him pop up online, i said hello and asked how he was-and he answered that he was getting married the next day! in that 3 weeks, he’d run into an old flame, gotten together, and proposed! needless to say, i was suprised!
how was d.c.? i grew up in northern va, so know it well…
xo,
d
July 9th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Hey girl,
This happened to me with someone I met and dated and I felt like I wasn’t marriage worthy for some reason. Yeah, I’m self absorbed, and working on it.
Working in midtown, let’s hook up — Maria
July 9th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
I have tons of catching up to do here…
Anyway I recently found out that the first guy I fell in love with when I was a college freshman recently got married and I was JEALOUS!
We broke up 7 years ago!!! He was a sucky boyfriend too so why the hell was I jealous of his new wife?
Human emotions are confusing but maybe I’m jealous because he was one of the best sex partners I’ve ever had….?
July 9th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Can I raise with an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me and then married the girl that he cheated on me with?
and then cheated on her?
And now they are both miserable – and still together-ish…
That’s karma, right??
July 9th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
I hope not; for the guy’s sake. If they’re an ex, that means there was something wrong with them, or else I would have married them….
Wow, I have a messed up view on life…
July 9th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
ALL of my exes, with the exception of the very last (and very noncommittal) one, are married. And I tell ya, it’s a barrel-’o-fun, o have friends far and wide so committed to making sure I know my exes (from years and years ago, mind you) are getting engaged and/or married.
At least you found out yourself from HIM. ;o)
July 9th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
KBARRETT-
yeah, my ex-husband is married to the troll he cheated on me with-he introducer her as “scooter, a new member of the family, our son is very comfortable with her.” i responded-”did you get a new dog?” they moved in together 5 months before we were divorced officially, and neither has the balls to admit they had an affair. whatever. they got married in a “personal” ceremony that not even our son was invited to. again, whatever. we are all better off!!
xo,
d
July 9th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
I don’t even know where any of my exes are. Seriously. And I don’t care. Maybe they’re happy, maybe they’re miserable, maybe they’re married, maybe they’re posting on Nerve personals, but one way or the other I don’t give a rat’s patootie. Life’s too short to be concerned with trivial stuff like what your exes are doing. ‘Course I can have that attitude since I found *The One* and captured her. Life is cool.
July 9th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Is this topic manly enough for a Monday?
July 10th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
yes, and I was a little weirded out but happy for him at the same time because he was a good guy.
The greatest thing that ever happened was when my not-so-good-guy other ex-boyfriend found out I was getting married: His mom handed him the engagement announcement from the newspaper. Zing!
July 10th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
sexpotdonna – hello! that’s gotta burn.
simplyd23 – i kinda like that story about the guy who found is old flame and within 3 weeks proposed. hasty? sure. foolhardy? perhaps. but also maybe he knew what he wanted and didn’t want to let a good thing get away twice. i find that pleasing. (not for you, granted, but for true loooove).
FunkyBrownChick – good luck with your doctor’s appointment.
July 10th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
My ex (THE ex, the only one who really mattered very much) is getting married in October. I thought it would crush me, but I’m surprisingly OK about it. I reserve the right to get all sad again later, though.
July 11th, 2007 at 9:09 am
simplyd23: Three weeks?!?! Wow, that’s fast! By the way, DC was great. We went to Hotel Washington, Urbana and a couple of other places. I’d been to the city a few times previously, so I took a pass on all of the touristy stuff. It was a good trip! (…Your ex sounds like a jackass … Just wanted to be sure to throw that out there too…)
Maria: Lunch. Next week? Just let me know when and where.
Childfree Chick: Yeah, I’m not sure if I felt jealous or what. The first thing that I felt was genuine surprise. I didn’t believe him at first. I don’t know. If we had actually dated for a long period of time, I might have felt differently. But, as it were, I’m happy for him. And, by the way, yes, I can sympathize with you on the sexpartner thing.
kbarrett: NO WAY! That guy sounds like a real loser. And, yes, karma is completely ruthless. ;-)
Mindspin: No worries, sweetie. We all do.
AmyD: Yeah. He was really up front with it. It was the first thing that he told (showed) me.
Baba Doodlius: Sounds like you’ve definitely found the one. And, yeah, I’m soooo thinking of google stalking my exes to find out what they’ve been up to. It doesn’t make a difference in my life. But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious.
Pegs: What could be more Manly than talking about a man friend who just got married?
sexpotdonna: Love it!!!
HippieChyck: You’re a romantic. I can tell. (Thanks for the good luck wishes for the doctor’s appt.)
Stefanie: Yeah it’s probably one of those things that you won’t *really* know how you feel about it until it happens. Are you going to the wedding?
July 11th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Not if I can help it. I work with him, so I still see him very regularly, and I am actually wondering if he is planning to invite me (he will surely be inviting other people in the office). I pretty much hope he doesn’t invite me, so that he’s the bad guy for not inviting me, rather than me being the bad guy for not going.
July 12th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Wow!! You guys work together??? Yeah, that’s a hard one. But, I agree with you about not wanting to be the bad guy.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
my ex got married and dint even tell me or the two children we got they were bride maids at his wedding.they thouht it was thier cousing geting married and were shock they are ony 7and 6 yrs old and he leave it up to my 7yrs old daugher to tell me’i only fnd out because my daugher who is 7 phone me from her nans as they were away staying at thier nan.the week before that he told me he was moving in what a lie.i went in to shock i couldnt belive it as we were still sleeping together at the time.and my daughers didnt no he had a grilfriend my chldren now think you marry your friends his wife is 25 anddont have time for r kids.and he still married her my children r confuss.i cant bear to see him.as i no i would say what think so my frend hands the kids over i feel he over look the fact that im the children mu and should at less made it easy on the kids that it ok that dad move on and is happy in his new life.his family dont no her at all he kept her away from them and they wer only told two weeks before hand.his mum as being very support toward me and think i he should have told me and his family think it ou of order as well my children didnt leave with the bride they were taking by thier nan to the wedding.and to make things more confuss his wife has a house were they live but the children spend the weekend at their dad flat.also the wife dont spend her time with the children on the weekend their dad has them so this is what married means.it being four weeks i havent eeing their dad and i just he happy n his life for puting his needs before the well being of his children because he hasnt thought out what it is doin to his children.my daughr who is 7 dont want to go to her dad but want to spand it with her nan who she is very close to.thier dad have only him self to blame.i havent stop the kids going to their dad because he take me to court so he could see his kids.the funny part he no longer phone is kids and the only time he see them is on his weekend .so im making plans to move on and hope one day met a man that i and tust agan
December 11th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
My ex just got engaged. We were first loves and in a long 5 year relationship. But never married as we were young. Broke up when we were 20.
And a baby girl came out of that relationship. She has his eyes. It is a funny feeling to see him in her. (not bad,just wierd)
And I am sad. Lots of tears. We have been apart over ten years now. But it still hurts to see him move on and probably start a new family soon.
And I have not dated at all lately. I think there is something broken with me.
December 13th, 2008 at 6:23 am
@ bridget: Ewwww, I sorry to hear about your pain. :( And, yes, you will learn to trust again — if you want to be open to doing that.
@ Esperenza: I’ve been in therapy for ages and I think it really helps my dating life.