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R.I.P Denzel. :-(

August 27th, 2007 ·

It is with great sadness in my heart that I report that Denzel has, indeed, died. Despite what everyone might think, I didn’t kill him. As many of you know, Denzel and I were having problems. But, truth be told, I honestly had high hopes that we might be able to reconcile. Then, one day, completely and totally unexpectedly, Denzel died. This is his obituary:

Born 2005. Died 2007. Denzel ze Laptop, who died unexpected in his home in New York City, was a talented (albeit unfaithful) personal computing device. Remembered as an outgoing and friendly laptop who spread his IP throughout the world, Denzel vigilantly protected those he loved from spyware and adware until the day he died. During his very short stay on this earth, he quickly became known for churning out articles, blog posts, podcasts, emails, graphics and other items in a timely fashion. He loved freely and openly without reservation — a fact that made his owner wonder why he couldn’t keep his screen closed to others besides herself. “He was a whore,” says his loving and faithful longterm partner, Funky Brown Chick. “But, he loved and was loved in return. And, he always came back home to mama.” Denzel is survived by his fellow apartment-dwellers: two houseplants, various furniture items, and a penniless writer named Funky Brown Chick.


August 27th, 2007 ·

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I wrote this stuff on Monday, August 27th, 2007 at 12:02 am and tucked it in with other stuff about Manly Mondays. You can track any responses to this post via the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

17 Responses to “R.I.P Denzel. :-(”

  1. Oh noes, poor Denzel…I’m sorry for your loss FBC, the passing of a faithful laptop can be surprisingly difficult to deal with. New keypads do take a while to get used to!

  2. Poor, Poor Denzel. He will be greatly missed.

  3. Hope you backed that shiz up !

  4. f00k I thought it was Denzel Washington, still don’t know if that would be a good or bad thing tho hah. Nah kidding aside. rip , but some quality electronics next time hun ;)

  5. *sniff* at the age of 20. (My calculation is 10 human years for every real year).

    I suggest going directly to the computer orphanage and getting a new one to help you grieve.

  6. These things are never easy, but I’m sure you’ll get through! Can Denzel be refurbished for some underprivileged youth? I know they have a program here (in NC) that trains disabled workers to rebuild computers and then sells the computers to schools and children’s programs.

  7. No one could have delivered a more flowery or heartfelt eulogy. I pity the poor soul/laptop that has to fill Denzel’s shoes.

  8. The Original B.R.O. on August 28th, 2007 at 12:26 am

    I’m sure Denzel’s in a better place now… :(

  9. We will mourn Denzel as he joins all the great laptops in the sky!!!

    Still need your address for postcards, i am going to have internet at least at the hotel in Copenhagen so you have time. Right now I am sitting in DFW airport, promise to wave in your direction when we land in Newark!!!

  10. Alas, poor Denzel! We hardly knew ye.

  11. awwww poor Denzel and FBC. My condolences from me and my Tasha Toshiba.

  12. So Sorry to hear about your loss….. :(

  13. I too thought it was the lovely Denzel Washington and while I’m relieved it’s not, I must add, I’m sorry for your troubles. May you remember the good times with Denzel when you listen to the tap of your fingers on your new keyboard in the future and smile.

  14. Dead after only two years?!? They don’t make Denzels like they used to.

  15. Darwin: It is quite difficult. :(

    Mags: You met him. He was a good laptop, wasn’t he. :)

    walrus: Actually, no, I didn’t. I have most of my important files. But, I did lose a lot of the stuff that wasn’t backed up.

    Papigiulio: To my knowledge, that delicious little creature named Denzel Washington is still alive and walking the face of the earth. Denzel Ze Laptop, unfortunately, does not share his fate.

    Howard: OMg, that’s soooo true! It’s like the dog years thing. One human year = (at least) 10 computer years. I love that. :)

    løvechocolate: GOOD IDEA! I’ll call around (and when I get a new laptop, “Google around”) to see if there are any such places in New York.

    Pegs: Thanks. :)

    The Original B.R.O.: If I can figure out where to donate him, he will be in a better place for sure.

    Felicia: I’ll email that

    Baba Doodlius: He left me far too soon. :(

    Amy: Ooooh, I like your laptop’s name. Once I have the new one picked out, I have to come up with a new name for it.

    tonitobandito: Thank you, sweetie!

    Nics: THANKS! :) Heeeey, by the way, are you still coming to these parts? If so, email me and let me know when you’ll be in New York.

    GrizzBabe: They sure don’t!!

  16. I am SO upset at your post. You had me rushing over to crunktastical to see if it was true…lol..
    I’m sorry to hear about Denzel. :(

  17. Hey Courtney! :) Sorry for the confusion. Again, to the best of my knowledge, Denzel Washington is not dead. Denzel ze Laptop, unfortunately, is. :(

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