Did you know that you, yes you dear reader, have the power to send me South by Southwest? Some of you probably know SXSW as “that music festival in Austin.” True, yes, SXSW includes music. But, it’s really an event for entertainment and media in general. The three different parts of the event include music, film, and interactive. Most internet stuff, like my moderated panel idea, is included in interactive section.

Here at the FBC, over at Nerve magazine, and on my internet radio show, I’m all about understanding how people relate to each other online and offline. So, my SXSW interactive panel topic is “Adult Conversations: Sex, Intimacy & Online Relationships“. I want the panel to include a good mix of sex researchers, sociologists, and bloggers. Half of the panelists will talk about online relationships. The other half will talk about offline relationships. They’ll all compare the two and give tips on how to improve both.

I really want to go to SXSW. I’m looking forward to meeting a lot of the other folks who are actively writing and blogging about relationships. And, of course, I think my panel would be a nice addition to the program. So, vote for me. Pretty please? I’m asking because the only panels that will make it into the final program are the panels with the most votes. So, here’s how to vote. Go to: http://panelpicker.sxsw.com/ideas/view/521. Under the title (Adult Conversations) right next to the words “Your Vote”, click the number of stars that you’d like to give me. You have to sign in, but it takes less than a minute. Voting ends in two days. Wish me luck!

If you’ve ever taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI) test, you know that it breaks your personality down into four different categories. To describe it in a way to make it easy for the people who’ve never heard of the test before to get what it’s about, it kind of goes like this … It’s like you have four different pieces of your personality: 1, 2, 3 and 4. Each piece has an “either or” part to it. You’re either an “E” or an “I” on the first piece, “S” or “N” on the second piece, and yada yada yada. You get the point. Anyway, so, at the end of the test, your personality is described by four letters. Me? It’s been a while since I took it, but I remember that I was an ESTP. Take the test for yourself if you wanna know how they’d score you.

Okay. So, I’m bringing up this personality test thing because it came to mind the other day when I got in an argument with this random guy at a bar. I have this terrible habit of trying to reason with people when I think they’re being unreasonable. It’s like, if someone says or does something that makes absolutely no sense to me, something clicks in my brain and I think I need to either repeat myself or present new arguments. “Clearly, they’ll come to see things my way if I just explain this to them again in a different way.” With the Myers-Briggs test thing, supposedly this is very typically of people with “T”s (e.g. ESTP) in their personality alphabet. My friend Bro is right when she tells me that this is a bad habit that I need to break. When I try to reason with someone who I think is being “unreasonable”, she says it’s like “they’re speaking Mandarin, and you’re speaking Esperanto. You’re never gonna come to the same place. So, don’t worry about it. Give it up.”

Give it up. Ah, but, that’s the funny thing about habits. They’re hard to “give up.” Anyway, so, if you missed it yesterday, check me out at Nerve if you want more details about my argument with the drunken New York City stranger. The man was a total asshole. And, believe it or not, I was actually trying to reason with him in order to help him to understand how and why his behavior was completely assholish.

But, enough about me and the asshole. I’m curious to hear about you. No, you an asshole. What? I’m kidding. That’s not what I was going to ask. What I really wanted to know is this: Anyone out there got any bad habits that they’re trying to kick? Are you addicted to watching porn? Do you waste too much time on the internet? Do you have Wii tennis elbow from playing too much Wii tennis? Feel free to use the comment section to share all of the dirty details about your dirty habits.

Okay, okay, now that I have your attention. Today’s post is not about penises. C’mon, admit it, you little pervert. You were kinda hoping that you were gonna get to read all about big juicy dicks at the FBC today, weren’t you? Man, you people are perverts! Oh how I hate to disappoint you, my sweeties, but it’s true: Today’s FBC post is not about penises. “So, what are we going to talk about for our glorious Manly Monday?” I hear you asking. Well, dear readers, we’re gonna talk about Karsh. He’s the man behind the Black Weblog Awards. And, for the record, he just might have a big juicy dick for you. Or, he might not. I don’t know; I’ve never met him, and I’ve never asked him about the size of his penis. Okay, so, now, let’s get off of Karsh’s dick and back to the point of this post. Trust me, I have one. A point, that is. (I do not have a penis. I have a vagina. But, I digress; hence, the parenthetical.)

Karsh is today’s Manly Monday pick because this guy put in mucho work to get everything together for this year’s Black Weblog Awards. I think he deserves a bunch of credit for that, so I thought I’d give him a public nod here at the FBC. And, in case you hadn’t noticed, look at the column to the far right on this blog. Yep. Right there. No. Scroll down. Yes, there. Right there. That little badge means that funkybrownchick.com won a BWA for “Best Humor Blog”. Woot! Woot! This makes me really happy because, oddly enough, I never really thought I’d ever actually *win* a “Best Humor Blog” award because I know plenty of people who are much funnier than I am. But, actually, now that I think about it — given that this blog is mainly about the sordid state of my dating life — I guess it’s appropriate that I got the judges’ vote for “Best Humor Blog”. I can hear that negro (ahem, that’s The Assimilated Negro) and the other judges laughing right now. “Um. Yeah. Funky Brown Chick? Trying to get a dating life? Now, THAT’S some funny shit.” Thanks guys. Really. I appreciate it.

Anyway.

If you have a spare moment today — and I know that at least some of you do because you’re just sitting there at work fucking reading blogs!!! — check out some of the other great blogs that won Black Weblog Awards this year. Psssst! As always, big drippy kisses to the judges (and readers) who voted for me. Your checks are in the mail. ;)

If you’re single like I am, there’s a pretty good chance that you woke up alone this morning. There’s also a pretty good chance that you didn’t wake up alone. Single moms and dads have kids. Single dating partners have each other. And, single urban dwellers often have roommates. Moral of the story? Single households come in all shapes and sizes, and single doesn’t always mean solo.

Single people unite. It’s time to celebrate. Unmarried & Single Americans Week is September 16 - 22. According to the US Census, more than 40% of American adults are single. What does that mean? Well, if you lump all 92 million of us single Americans adults together, 25% of us were married at some point in our lives but we are now divorced. Fifteen percent of us are widows because our spouses went and died on us. The rest of us? The majority (60%) of single people in the United States have never been married. But, that doesn’t mean we’re all sad, lonely, and singing and blues. Some of us are happily living with our partners while we do our thing like Oprah & Stedman, Bratt Pitt & Angelina Jolie, and so many other adults who choose not to get married. That’s nice to know, right? But, what is “Unmarried & Single Americans Week” and why do we need it? A group called the Buckeye Singles Council started the idea of a national singles week in Ohio back in the 1980s as a way to recognize singles and the contributions that we make to society. Isn’t that special? It’s good to be a single person. So, stand up and be counted as one.

Mother. Fucker. Very few things suck as much as feeling sick does. And, the kind of sick that I feel right now is the very worst kind of sick: congestion and itchy eyes accompanied by a nasty sneezing & coughing thing. It could be a filthy little cold. Or, it could be that thing that seems to be going around. Or, it could be really bad case of allergies. (Sidenote: If I’m slowly developing some type of allergy thing, I guess that would explain the breathing stuff.) But, whatever it is, I couldn’t go to sleep last night until well after 4:00am. Yep. That’s me. Hanging with reruns of the news, infomercials, and video clips of the emotional Britney Spears fan. Exciting times indeed. Trust me, if I could have, I would have much preferred to sleep. I’m gonna take it easy today and throughout the weekend. I’ll catch up with you all on Monday when I’ll be back to my regular blogging schedule. If the universe cooperates with me, expect daily FBC posts next week, and 3 - 4 updates over at Nerve.

Sweet damn! Seven days. I haven’t been away from my blog for that long since … um, well … Honestly? Never. In the nearly three years since I started the FBC, I don’t think that I’ve ever taken a full week off. The laptopless life is killing me. But, alas, two more days. I plan to have a new laptop in my arms by Thursday or Friday. After that, I should be back to my regular blogging schedule here at the FBC and over at Nerve.

Okay, so, the past week has been interesting to say the very least. I saw Bill Clinton, flew to Chicago, received messages from two boys who are currently in my dating mix, met up with a past lover, and attended a concert. In due time, I’ll probably write full posts about each of these experiences. For now, hop over to Nerve to read about how I exposed myself as well as my latest topless experiences.

Over the weekend, I began a sex-only relationship with a sweet little Chinese thing. Yep. After several months delay, I’ve finally purchased a new vibrator. And, I’ve decided to name him Mr. Teo Wai. Now, if you’ve been ready this blog for a while, you already know that I inadvertently gave my vibrator to a homeless woman around this time last year. Mr. Teo Wai is an apt replacement, so please allow me to introduce you to each other. Mr. Teo Wai. (Pronounced kind of like: T-O-Y). Made in China, I can only assume that Mr. Teo Wai swam through the raging waters of the Pacific Ocean before safely making his way to his new home in SOHO. 43 Mercer Street. That’s where I found him. Comfortably sitting on a shelf at Babeland. If you’d like to know more about Mr. Teo Wai and my other sex toy shopping adventures, check me out at Nerve today.