I no longer think this. I now think the man should pay for most of the dates. I like the dynamic this sets up in that he is taking care of me. I am very giving and caring in relationship and am financially independent, but I love the feeling of being protected and cared for by someone who is generous. I think most men enjoy this role. I like giving them this opportunity. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t do this.

I think money should be something that is used to make things work – not as leverage or keeping score.

My conclusion twenty years after I started dating (and despite a lot of feminist theory) is that traditional dating is what makes me feel happiest and I like how it makes the men I date feel too.

I went on 30-or-so dates in the last year. I recall that two women paid, and they surprised me by just doing it when I had excused myself to make a bathroom stop. (And yes, I went on subsequent dates with them, so they weren’t trying to end the date, they were just being clever in a refreshing cool way.) I respected them as women that were going to step up to the plate and take responsibility for themselves and for a potential relationship. It wasn’t about who made more, or who asked who out, or some silly old-fashioned concept of “the guy always pays.”

The other 28 either were looking for a meal ticket or offered to pay but were insincere about it or just let me pay, the last of which is perfectly within reason, by the way, if I had asked them out.

I went out with a woman who said yes to a second date and added “a girl’s gotta eat, right?” How endearing. Glad you don’t mind doing it on my dime. How about “yes, I’ll go out with you again because I had a good time and you’re a nice guy.” Guess I have to give her a point for being honest about where her interests are.

I have met women for just drinks and been floored by how much more than me they’ll drink. It’s not just a cost thing but an issue of self control and first impressions.

One had asked me out and I took the check and didn’t say a word about it. She offered quite insistently on helping out, so I let her get the tip. Later, in an e-mail, she told me how she was un-impressed that I didn’t pay for the whole thing. What, am I supposed to completely disregard what she’s saying and overrule her? Maybe I should have clubbed her, thrown her over my shoulder and dragged her back to my cave too? Come on.

She had asked me out, I drove 40 minutes to meet her in her town, I was going to pay without question, and I lose her respect because I accept an offer to pay when I just let her cover the tip? This is repulsive, ugly behavior by a woman.

From a guy’s point of view, I never know what to think when a woman offers. I don’t know if she’s lying or not. I’ve consequently grown very cynical about ALL women and their intentions well beyond the first date. They are so good at lying with a smile that I just don’t take what most women say at face value.

I don’t value a woman’s worth based on whether she is willing to pay. She is not diminished in my eyes if she offers to pay.

She is diminished by greedy behavior, judging me by my wallet, lying and insincere communication that later turns out to mask her real thoughts.

Ladies, as far as guys regionally insisting on paying: In a city like NYC, there’s a lot more pressure about status. Guys know it’s a losing position with the vast majority of women if they don’t open up their wallet, no questions asked. It doesn’t mean they like it. I’m from Boston, and it’s much the same here.

There’s plenty of inequity in today’s society for men and women. Women aren’t improving their status or contribution to relationships, family or the workplace by seeing men as their meal ticket.

It’s time to step up and take responsibility for yourselves. It will pay dividends later in raising the quality of interactions between men and women.

I actually appreciate it when a girl offers to pay half. It shows me she’s not looking for a ‘sugardaddy’. That said, my momma tells me to always pay for a girl, so I will decline the offer this 99% of the time (OK, I lied, it’s a bit of a schlong thing too).

PS In Holland that call BYOB and BYOF ‘an American party’ (only cheap people have those).

PPS, famous Dutch sayings: ‘Mijn vrouw hoeft niet te werken’!

Phoena: Very funny. :) LOVE IT!!!

grampa: I love Overworked & Underf*cked; she gives good blog. About the paying for dates stuff … Yeah, after the first date, your last girlfriend should have paid. It all goes back to “whoever makes more pays more”.

However, one of my last girlfriends was far wealthier than I was. She always wanted to go out to these fancy ass restaurants. Now, personally, I’m a really, REALLY, good cook, and I would prefer to prepare dinner, but she always wanted to go out.

What’s more, she always expected me to pay. Now, here’s the deal. She was a lawyer, and a prosecutor, to boot. Me, I’m a lowly paralegal, and a convicted felon, to boot (I know, strange dynamic, but it made for some great grudgefuckin’).

[And BTW you don't know me from Adam, but I came here from Overworked and Underfucked and if you're just bandying around passwords, then I'll take one. Can't say that I'll ever use it. Hell, I may never even come back here, but what the hell?]

If that is the case, and the lady doesn’t want to eat my perfectly prepared cuisine and would rather have something at a four star restaurant, then I think that she should pay. I’m not against paying every once in a while, but I would cook every single night.