If you’ve been here before, you know that I maintain two active blogs. You’re reading one of them right now, the FBC — a chronicle of my life and my dates in New York City. My other blog is over at Nerve magazine. When Nerve originally told me that they’d like me to write for the Blog-A-Log, I totally jumped at the chance to put out a thrice-weekly commentary about my personal experiences with Nerve Personals as well as other online and offline dating-related stuff. Why? I really like my editor, Nerve’s founders, and the other folks that I’ve met at the company thus far. Ah, Nerve. They’re great folks. And, I know I’m not the only person who feels that way because the online mag was a 2006 Webby Award Nominee for Best Copy/Writing and a 2005 National Magazine Award Finalist for General Excellence Online. (If, you’re a publishing geek, you probably just gave the mag a nod of approval right now. If you’re not in the publishing world, you’re probably like “Um, okaaaay. What the fuck are the National Magazine Awards??”) But, whatever. Back to my blogs.
As many of you know, I typically keep the two blogs separate because, well, they are different sites. However, from your comments, I get the impression that my sexy/beautiful readers are split into three camps — FBC-only readers, Nerve-only readers, and the people who read both sites. Anyway, so, last Friday on Nerve, a few readers over there told me whether they’d rather be considered sexy or beautiful. Me? Men rarely tell me that I’m beautiful, but every man that I’ve ever dated has told me that they think I’m sexy. So, as a result, I think it’s a bigger compliment to be called beautiful. For women who are routinely told that they’re cute or beautiful, I suspect that they would consider it a bigger compliment to be told that they’re sexy. After all, don’t we all sometimes want what we don’t already have? A few of you who read me at Nerve have already weighed in on this topic, but I never got a chance to find out what some of the FBC readers prefer. So, tell me. Sexy or beautiful? Which would you rather be?
[Photo credit: Jyn Meyer Photography]
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Its better to be sexy and beautiful. I guess if i had to choose it would be beautiful.
I’m not sure why, but I’m surprised. I actually know you, and I totally would have guessed that you’d say that you’d rather people tell you that you were “sexy” instead of “beautiful”.
sexy. without question. but a sultry brand of sexy — not a trashy one.
Well, I guess it depends if a person’s talking strictly about looks or not. For me, I like beautiful, because it represents a good-looking person who’s good-looking on the inside, too. :)
@ tiffany: Yeah, in my mind there’s def a difference between sexy and trashy. For those who find trashy people are sexy, maybe not so much so.
@ The Original Bro: Awww! You’re so warm and fuzzy. :)
Hmmm, sorry to sit on the fence but it depends on who’s ‘rating’ me. I’ve always thought guys are scared of beautiful women and find them unapproachable, so while i’m dating i’d rather be sexy. When i’m amongst girlfriends I would rather be beautiful because i know it’s what they would rate as better. I don’t know if it’s more a British thing but you will rarely hear a woman say of another woman “God, she oozes sex appeal, I wish I was her”, it’s more “Wow, she’s so beautiful”.
Maybe this is naïve of me but can you really be one without being the other, at least every once in a while? I wear many hats and hold many titles. Those titles have been handed out by different people with different opinions. I suppose it’s all relative, but I’ve never thought of myself as either/or. Either way, I think it’s WAY more important to FEEL sexy and beautiful than to be viewed as such.
I’m not picky. I take compliments in whatever form I can get them. Hell, most of the time I’d be satisfied if somebody told me “You’re not a total troll”.
Funny cause I was actually thinking about this the other day!
All in all, I just like compliments, period, and sometimes I think that there’s a little bit of each in the other, but if I had to choose…I’d rather be beautiful. Maybe because “sexy” comes by more frequently than “beautiful,” maybe because it depends on who’s saying it, and the mood et all, and maybe because it seems like sexy can border trashy, whereas beautiful borders timeless. And maybe because sexy is more how you want to look at a club when you get smashed, and beautiful is how you want to look at your grad dinner/dance and your wedding…though there’s nothing saying you can’t be beautifully sexy at the same time!
Little rambling there, for you :)
I’m with Bro. I think sexy is too one-dimensional, too flighty. Beautiful is more all-encompassing. Would you say Katharine Hepburn was sexy in her later years? I wouldn’t. But I’d certainly say she was beautiful. Yeah, Kristal, beautiful is timeless.
And Ella, as an American woman, I’ve said before that another woman is “hot,” but never “sexy.” There’s a line crossed there semantically that I’m a little gunshy about crossing.
My boyfriend calls me sexy all the time but he rarely (if ever) calls me beautiful. I like being called sexy because it means that he desires me and I want to be desired but every now and then I’d like to be told how beautiful or pretty I am. Surely I must have some form of physical attractiveness or else hewouldn’t be with me, right? Even if I’m beautiful only to him, I’d still like to hear it.
But you asked me which one would I rather be called, beautiful or sexy? If someone were giving me a choice to only be called beautiful or to only be called sexy, then I would take sexy. Ultimately, I’d rather be desired.
I’d say beautiful, partially because I think almost anyone can be sexy to someone else at some point and because it’s more about a state of mind or being. Beautiful is more about how you are naturally, and I agree the Orignial Bro, it encompasses both the inside and outside.
Well I think I’m both…but if I were to chose I’d chose to be beautiful. Because beauty (beautiful) is timeless and is artful. They don’t make sexxy art to hang in museums (its called erotica…or porn and are found in the red light districts)
@ Ella: It’s probably not a British thing because I don’t think American women say that either.
@ AmyD: Feeling beautiful is a beautiful thing.
@ Baba Doodlius: You’re always so humble. :)
@ Kristal: Love the rambling. ;) Hmmm … Jake Gyllenhaal? Sexy. Halle Berry’s man? Beautiful. Lenny Kravitz? Sexy. Thierry Henry? Beautiful. David Beckham? Sexy *and* Beautiful. Sexy doesn’t have to be trashy.
@ Pegs: Katharine Hepburn? Beautiful. Marilyn Monroe? Sexy.
@ GrizzBabe: Yeah, I think everyone likes to feel desired.
@ Mags: Ahhh, Mags and Bro. All warm and fuzzy together again.
@ brandon: You’re both. And, you’re humble, too. :) Hmm … I’m not convinced that sexy = erotica.
I get more ‘beautiful’ or even ‘cute’ than ’sexy’. I get ‘cute’ all the time actually I think it has something to do with my diminutive height and personality that’s a bit larger than that – apparently the whole kitten-with-the-heart-of-a-lion thing!
Not sure which I prefer though…sexy is nice since it’s rarer.
He he he
I make your words mine:
“Men rarely tell me that I’m beautiful, but every man that I’ve ever dated has told me that they think I’m sexy. ”
So, if I am already sexy, I go for beautiful (eventhough I have learned at school that men are “handsome” and only girls are “beautiful”… well, who cares, I´m gay…).
Then I will be both, he he he
Honestly speaking (and I am truly 100% honest here): I have always found myself rather ugly than anything else, and when people started saying I was sexy, I was really surprised. Gladly surprised, I shall say. Being sexy pays off…
XXX/A
FCB: Well i tend to think that I am sexy and beautiful. :) I know – “whatever!”. If i did not think that I would not work hard on looks than i guess.
I totally agree with Original Bro. When someone says you’re beautiful, they might be referring to some quality that radiates from the inside out. (Of course we’d all like to be both sexy and beautiful)
I always hear from people that I’m beautiful, but I rarely hear someone say I’m sexy. I think that if someone calls you beautiful, and that you’re sexy on top of beautiful, then you have the total package. So I’m shooting for being sexy these days. Maybe it will help me get a sexy date!
I’d rather be beautiful. If you’re just sexy then that means men just want to sleep with you. But if your beautiful they want to sleep with you , date, or even marry you. In both cases its physical but I just think men won’t put up with a sexy woman unless they are having sex.
Oh, I know sexy doesn’t have to be trashy, but I think there are too many (read: young teenagers – no, not all!! Not trying to stereotype) who haven’t quite figured out that fine line, and who trying so hard to BE sexy that they go a bit far – hey, maybe that’s the whole deal. You shouldn’t really TRY to be sexy – sure, you can elaborate! – but it’s more how you are overall. Too many girls out there with far too much makeup on because they’ve got this image of what sexy is, and they – I don’t want to say they don’t “fit” it, but…they haven’t…embodied it? Or rather, they haven’t found their OWN sexy and let it embody them…
…okay. I’m going to stop talk – er, typing. I’m not sure if I’ve even stayed on topic or not, haha.
Kristal,
I think your last post was beautiful.
@ Darwin: I’ve actually heard that before. Short = cute. Tall = sexy.
@ Antonio: I knew you were both! :) And, I’ve met you, my dear. You are definitely not ugly.
@ Jonathan: Yeah, you’re right. “Whatever.” :)
@ blackfemme: “Both” is/are good. ;-)
@ Heaven: Sexy dates are great.
@ Bronze Trinity: Hmmm … But sex appeal doesn’t always equal sex. I find plenty of men sexy even though I’ll never sleep with them (and vice versa).
@ Kristal: Good point.
@ Pegs: I’m not surprised.
Thanks, Pegs :)
At the risk of sounding holier-than-thou (not to mention off-topic, which is trollish), I’d rather be called “brilliant.”
I’m not casting judgements against “sexy” and/or “beautiful.” Believe me, being found attractive is great.
Looks go. Sometimes, people find you appealing and sometimes, they don’t. But the mind can be a fascinating and emotionally appealing aspect of who you are at at any age.
I’m with Andy, definitely brains over beauty… (actually, probably a somewhat self-serving comment)
FWIW ’sexy’ is not ’sexual’ in my book. A girl who likes her own body and enjoys using it (pref. with me) is sexy. It has everything to do with looks, movement, words, and not much with cup-size or sixpacks.
So to answer the question: I’ll take sexy.
I’d take “gorgeous”! It encompasses sexy and beautiful…sorry for any spelling errors too lazy to spell check..LOL
I’ve been called both, so many times I downplay it and instead focus on collecting multiple degrees so that I can be called “intelligent.” So I agree with you- we always want what we don’t have…
@ Kristal: Pegs rocks!!! I actually know her in person (offline). She’s cute, funny, and VERY intelligent. Pegs alraedy knows this but, if she had a dick and two balls, I’d *totally* fuck her. ;)
@ Andy: I’ve listen to your voice on your podcast. I think your voice sounds sexy. Is that offensive? ;)
@ ErrorBoy: “So to answer the question: I’ll take sexy.” Oh, but, I thought you were gonna say, “I’ll take the FBC.”
@ Wonderlove: LOVE your username. Now that we got that out of the way … Fabulous. I love “gorgeous”. People just don’t use that word enough anymore. We need to bring “gorgeous” back to daily usage.
@ TQB: And so we do, don’t we? :)
Thanks, funky brown chick! Love your site…frequent lurker decided to put myself on blast. LOL!
Yay!! THANKS for delurking yourself!! :-)
Sexy, hands down. Beauty is something that’s overrated and can come and go. Sexy is an attitude, a swagger, a presence that doesnt come easy. Everyone cannot be sexy… but you can pay for beauty with plastic surgery… or so people think!
Very true!! :)
Will it make the color of the stretch mark go away?
Gosh, how many women wanna be sexy rather than beautiful, if they only knew :D
To me sexy is any woman who radiates a sex appeal, good body trashy face, good face trashy body, or even lusty ugly women xD, something to sleep with. Beautiful is just perfect, clear skin straight hair, on and on, a woman I wanna sleep with, kiss, hug and marry, or just look at and admire. Moreover you couldn’t be beautiful without being at least somewhat sexy, beauty is sexy!!!! But not the other way around.
Myself I prefer being called beautiful and thnx god, I’ve been called that many xD
Whoooa, lots of stuff to unpack in that comment!! :) Beautiful is straight hair? Also … picking up a Madonna / Whore tone from the stuff you’ve written. To each their own.