Comments on: Should I Have Paid for the Date? http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/ Twanna is a sex, dating and relationships writer in New York City. She's funky. She has brown skin. And, she's a chick. FUNKYBROWNCHICK™ chronicles her life. Fri, 19 Mar 2010 22:31:13 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: Josh G http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-67128 Josh G Mon, 27 Oct 2008 03:15:59 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-67128 Funny how most of the women here would be offended if the guy didn't at least offer to pay for the entire first date. When it comes to romance, it's still "customary" for men to pay for the date, hold doors, ie "be in control, but not a control freak" In business though, it's sexist for men to be in control, to assume the role of the "stronger sex." And I agree that female equality is important. But you can't expect one part of the male/female relationship to change without the other aspects to be affected as well. Women are expected to be equals in the workplace (in contradiction of our parents customs), and they are expected to have the ability to pay their own way (in contradiction of our parents customs). Personally I always offer to pay no matter what the date, because I'm old fashioned. I also have old fashioned ideas about family as well. So sue me. Just my 2 cents Funny how most of the women here would be offended if the guy didn’t at least offer to pay for the entire first date. When it comes to romance, it’s still “customary” for men to pay for the date, hold doors, ie “be in control, but not a control freak”

In business though, it’s sexist for men to be in control, to assume the role of the “stronger sex.”

And I agree that female equality is important. But you can’t expect one part of the male/female relationship to change without the other aspects to be affected as well. Women are expected to be equals in the workplace (in contradiction of our parents customs), and they are expected to have the ability to pay their own way (in contradiction of our parents customs).

Personally I always offer to pay no matter what the date, because I’m old fashioned. I also have old fashioned ideas about family as well. So sue me.

Just my 2 cents

]]> By: Cantbelieveit http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-67069 Cantbelieveit Sun, 26 Oct 2008 17:32:56 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-67069 Wow...okay, a 40yr old guy invites me to a college football game (he has season tickets). I drive 2hrs to get there and because I didn't want to carry my purse into the game, I give him my cash to hold on to ($80). We eat lunch after the game and have a few drinks. When it it time for me to leave, he gives me back my money BUT ONLY $50.00!!! I really liked him but I can't get past this...UGH! Admittedly, he's having financial issues and I am not...still sucks...he won't get another date... Wow…okay, a 40yr old guy invites me to a college football game (he has season tickets). I drive 2hrs to get there and because I didn’t want to carry my purse into the game, I give him my cash to hold on to ($80). We eat lunch after the game and have a few drinks. When it it time for me to leave, he gives me back my money BUT ONLY $50.00!!! I really liked him but I can’t get past this…UGH! Admittedly, he’s having financial issues and I am not…still sucks…he won’t get another date…

]]> By: Jamzy http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-53477 Jamzy Thu, 31 Jul 2008 19:07:56 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-53477 My personal rule? Whoever asks for the date, should pay for the date. The asker should actually pay for dates 1-3. At that point most people should decide if they actually want to continue and then start to offer to pay half. But I think going dutch is kinda tacky anyway. One person should pay for the entire meal and then the other pays another time. Relationships are all about compromise and this has worked pretty well for me. My personal rule? Whoever asks for the date, should pay for the date. The asker should actually pay for dates 1-3. At that point most people should decide if they actually want to continue and then start to offer to pay half. But I think going dutch is kinda tacky anyway. One person should pay for the entire meal and then the other pays another time. Relationships are all about compromise and this has worked pretty well for me.

]]> By: Erick http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-53452 Erick Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:24:33 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-53452 I belive in old traditions, I always genuinely offer to pay first and further dates. However becoming a new yorker meant to live with the fact that MANY women feel they should pay or at least go "dutch". That is fine with me as well - I dont' take insult or threat to a women's show of independance. There are many valid reason why you should go dutch - for one it makes one or the other feel obilgated one pays the whole bill. First and second dates can be nerve-racking as it. my 2 cents... Erick I belive in old traditions, I always genuinely offer to pay first and further dates. However becoming a new yorker meant to live with the fact that MANY women feel they should pay or at least go “dutch”. That is fine with me as well – I dont’ take insult or threat to a women’s show of independance. There are many valid reason why you should go dutch – for one it makes one or the other feel obilgated one pays the whole bill. First and second dates can be nerve-racking as it.

my 2 cents…

Erick

]]> By: tiffany http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-53444 tiffany Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:57:21 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-53444 i'm still trying to figure out where men get the idea that getting the same pay for the same job equates to not wanting to be wooed. i'm just saying. that said, the point of paying, is NOT the MONEY. it's the communication that: (a) i had a good time with you (b) if you like me in return, i want you to know that i have a generous spirit. (c) thank you for spending time with me not paying (and for the woman, not doing the offer-fake), as twanna said, says the opposite. any man that doesn't get that is an idiot who should not date. meet for coffee and a walk in the park if you are so broke that you can't pick up the tab for BOTH of us at a place YOU picked out. order the cheaper entree.* *that said, if the woman had more than two or more drinks, she should contribute to the bill. i’m still trying to figure out where men get the idea that getting the same pay for the same job equates to not wanting to be wooed. i’m just saying.

that said, the point of paying, is NOT the MONEY. it’s the communication that:

(a) i had a good time with you
(b) if you like me in return, i want you to know that i have a generous spirit.
(c) thank you for spending time with me

not paying (and for the woman, not doing the offer-fake), as twanna said, says the opposite. any man that doesn’t get that is an idiot who should not date.

meet for coffee and a walk in the park if you are so broke that you can’t pick up the tab for BOTH of us at a place YOU picked out. order the cheaper entree.*

*that said, if the woman had more than two or more drinks, she should contribute to the bill.

]]> By: tiffany http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-53442 tiffany Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:38:12 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-53442 @twanna: in the south, some men will insist on paying, even if it's a co-worker. even if it's lunch. i'm not complaining :-) @twanna: in the south, some men will insist on paying, even if it’s a co-worker. even if it’s lunch. i’m not complaining :-)

]]> By: Twanna // FUNKY BROWN CHICK http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-53438 Twanna // FUNKY BROWN CHICK Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:39:46 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-53438 Kevin: Nope. If a male coworker asked me out to lunch, I expect us to go Dutch. I -- as well as some of the women and men who've commented here -- only expect the guy to pay if it's a date, especially a first date. Jeff: You mentioned, "At one point in time it was a custom that men pay for women." It's still custom that men pay for the first date. Kevin: Nope. If a male coworker asked me out to lunch, I expect us to go Dutch. I — as well as some of the women and men who’ve commented here — only expect the guy to pay if it’s a date, especially a first date.

Jeff: You mentioned, “At one point in time it was a custom that men pay for women.” It’s still custom that men pay for the first date.

]]> By: Kevin http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-53400 Kevin Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:02:52 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-53400 So you meet another girl at work and you and she asks if you want to get lunch. Do you expect her to pay your bill? Oh, but if a guy asks you to lunch, then he should pay OF COURSE. Women today want it both ways: full equality...oh, except when it comes to money. "I could have flat out refused to pay, but that would have made me look like a total asshole, right?" mmmm Sure. Because you would have BEEN a total asshole. You demand equal pay, equal rights, equal respect. But you seem perfectly happy to take a hand out when it comes to dates. Seems weird to me. Look, I know that all women love a guy who throws his money around. I'm just pointing out that its a gross double standard...like it or not. If youre worried about your pride and your bank account, then complain that the man isnt taking care of you. If you consider yourself an equal, then pull out your wallet and stop whining. So you meet another girl at work and you and she asks if you want to get lunch. Do you expect her to pay your bill? Oh, but if a guy asks you to lunch, then he should pay OF COURSE. Women today want it both ways: full equality…oh, except when it comes to money.

“I could have flat out refused to pay, but that would have made
me look like a total asshole, right?”

mmmm Sure. Because you would have BEEN a total asshole.

You demand equal pay, equal rights, equal respect. But you seem perfectly happy to take a hand out when it comes to dates. Seems weird to me. Look, I know that all women love a guy who throws his money around. I’m just pointing out that its a gross double standard…like it or not.

If youre worried about your pride and your bank account, then complain that the man isnt taking care of you. If you consider yourself an equal, then pull out your wallet and stop whining.

]]> By: Jeff http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-37845 Jeff Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:48:27 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-37845 I think women cannot have it both ways. At one point in time it was a custom that men pay for women. However, that was because women could not own property, vote, or work. Women have demanded and obtained the same opportunities and rights as men. Women insist on being treated as equals in the work place. (which they have every right to be) However, they are not willing to act as equals after work. You cannot claim equality when it benefits you but insist against it when it is not in your interests. If you want a man to pay for your dinner, you shouldn't be offended if he says you should be bare foot and pregnant. In our time of equal rights, I don't think I should bare the financial risk of social situations because of my gender. I always insist that intitial dates are Dutch. If that offends a women and she does not want to see me again, I say good riddence. I do not want a relationship with an unreasonable, hypocritical person. I think women cannot have it both ways.

At one point in time it was a custom that men pay for women. However, that was because women could not own property, vote, or work.

Women have demanded and obtained the same opportunities and rights as men. Women insist on being treated as equals in the work place. (which they have every right to be) However, they are not willing to act as equals after work. You cannot claim equality when it benefits you but insist against it when it is not in your interests. If you want a man to pay for your dinner, you shouldn’t be offended if he says you should be bare foot and pregnant.

In our time of equal rights, I don’t think I should bare the financial risk of social situations because of my gender. I always insist that intitial dates are Dutch. If that offends a women and she does not want to see me again, I say good riddence. I do not want a relationship with an unreasonable, hypocritical person.

]]> By: funkybrownchick http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-25612 funkybrownchick Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:59:51 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/10/30/should-i-have-paid-for-the-date/#comment-25612 I soooo couldn't agree with you more. :) I soooo couldn’t agree with you more. :)

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