“Nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear.”
So, last night, I’m having drinks with a group of friends, right? I drink maybe, um, I don’t know … a shot Tequila and a few beers? I also shove 12 buffalo chicken wings in my mouth. So picture this … as I gnaw a greasy wing and smear sauce all over my chin, I chide a little cutie named Joe for buying me a drink. “COORS FUCKING LIGHT? You bought me a DOMESTIC beer?!” That, my friends, is class. Yes, bitches, true poshiness is: never having to say, “I’m an asshole.” (Joe, if you’re reading, THANK YOU for the beer and apologies for the assholery. Trust me; I’m much less of a diva than I seem.)
Anyway, so, during the night of unrestrained merrymaking, I Twitter like a goof, fantasize about being as pretty as Lynne d Johnson (blog)(photo), tell a guy I don’t date Americans, and let folks know that I respect vintage (though mistreated and misunderstood) temptresses like Dorothy Dandridge, Marilyn Monroe and Billie Holiday. “They were powerful in their own way.” I continue talking, “Ohhh! You know that line from RENT: ‘Every single day, I walk down the street I hear people say: baaaaby. So sweet! Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me … Boys, girls I can’t help it, baby.’ I LOVED that part. Man, I wanted to *BE* Maureen — you know, universal appeal and all. Idina Menzel nailed that roll.” My friends give me a look seems to say, “You’re an idiot.” My response? “Jessica Rabbit was kind of hot, too.” I think everyone who knows me jokingly worries about sanity.
Anyway, so, I’m quickly updating my blogs. Check out panties210 to find out why nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear. At my blog column at Nerve mag, read about my fucked up dating life in I Want You to Want Me.
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Photo credit: Image of Billie Holiday appears at ExplorePAHistory.com
January 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
is that underwear thats still being worn?
previously worn underwear?
or new about to be worn underwear?
and do “granny panties” apply?
January 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
very interesting your post-response ;)
hum…and the previous entry on nerve with that video of men underwear….very droolworthy :P
January 26th, 2008 at 10:49 am
@ Dkzone: Granny panties count if they’re edible underwear! :)
@ Carolina Pereira: Glad you like the response. And, yeah, I *LOVE* that men’s underwear video. The last guy was hot!!
January 26th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
“I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”
-Jessica Rabbit
Yes, she was hot. But then, I’m a nerd.
January 27th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Hey, everyone’s a nerd in some way or another. I’m a huge math / stats geek.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:15 am
WOW!!! thanks for the love. now that i won’t see you as often, i guess i have to make sure I do the daily read, huh?
January 30th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Yes. Daily read now REQUIRED. :) Viewings, too. Video coming soon.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Yes, honey, if it’s a beer I’m being treated to I’m going to hope it’s a Belgian ale made by monks in their mountain top castle and carted down narrow winding paths by pack mule. I make no apologies for being a beer and a coffee snob, oh and make that tequila too. Life is too short for lousy beverages.
And yes, I hope to see you this weekend too!
February 13th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Love that: “Life is too short for lousy beverages.” The Dutch have a similar saying, “Het leven is te kort om schlete wijn to drinken.” Trans: Life is much to short to drink bad wine. :)
October 29th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Jessica Rabbit was hot – LOL. Yes, she had that sexy purr to her voice to.