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“Nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear.”

January 25th, 2008 ·

So, last night, I’m having drinks with a group of friends, right? I drink maybe, um, I don’t know … a shot Tequila and a few beers? I also shove 12 buffalo chicken wings in my mouth. So picture this … as I gnaw a greasy wing and smear sauce all over my chin, I chide a little cutie named Joe for buying me a drink. “COORS FUCKING LIGHT? You bought me a DOMESTIC beer?!” That, my friends, is class. Yes, bitches, true poshiness is: never having to say, “I’m an asshole.” (Joe, if you’re reading, THANK YOU for the beer and apologies for the assholery. Trust me; I’m much less of a diva than I seem.)

Anyway, so, during the night of unrestrained merrymaking, I Twitter like a goof, fantasize about being as pretty as Lynne d Johnson (blog)(photo), tell a guy I don’t date Americans, and let folks know that I respect vintage (though mistreated and misunderstood) temptresses like Dorothy Dandridge, Marilyn Monroe and Billie Holiday. “They were powerful in their own way.” I continue talking, “Ohhh! You know that line from RENT: ‘Every single day, I walk down the street I hear people say: baaaaby. So sweet! Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me … Boys, girls I can’t help it, baby.’ I LOVED that part. Man, I wanted to *BE* Maureen — you know, universal appeal and all. Idina Menzel nailed that roll.” My friends give me a look seems to say, “You’re an idiot.” My response? “Jessica Rabbit was kind of hot, too.” I think everyone who knows me jokingly worries about sanity.

Anyway, so, I’m quickly updating my blogs. Check out panties210 to find out why nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear. At my blog column at Nerve mag, read about my fucked up dating life in I Want You to Want Me.

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Photo credit: Image of Billie Holiday appears at ExplorePAHistory.com


January 25th, 2008 ·

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I wrote this stuff on Friday, January 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am and tucked it in with other stuff about Party and Bullshit, Underwear. You can track any responses to this post via the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

10 Responses to ““Nothing says ‘I want you’ like a man with a mouth full of underwear.””

  1. is that underwear thats still being worn?
    previously worn underwear?
    or new about to be worn underwear?

    and do “granny panties” apply?

  2. Carolina Pereira on January 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    very interesting your post-response ;)

    hum…and the previous entry on nerve with that video of men underwear….very droolworthy :P

  3. @ Dkzone: Granny panties count if they’re edible underwear! :)

    @ Carolina Pereira: Glad you like the response. And, yeah, I *LOVE* that men’s underwear video. The last guy was hot!!

  4. “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”
    -Jessica Rabbit

    Yes, she was hot. But then, I’m a nerd.

  5. Hey, everyone’s a nerd in some way or another. I’m a huge math / stats geek.

  6. WOW!!! thanks for the love. now that i won’t see you as often, i guess i have to make sure I do the daily read, huh?

  7. Yes. Daily read now REQUIRED. :) Viewings, too. Video coming soon.

  8. Yes, honey, if it’s a beer I’m being treated to I’m going to hope it’s a Belgian ale made by monks in their mountain top castle and carted down narrow winding paths by pack mule. I make no apologies for being a beer and a coffee snob, oh and make that tequila too. Life is too short for lousy beverages.

    And yes, I hope to see you this weekend too!

  9. Love that: “Life is too short for lousy beverages.” The Dutch have a similar saying, “Het leven is te kort om schlete wijn to drinken.” Trans: Life is much to short to drink bad wine. :)

  10. Jessica Rabbit was hot - LOL. Yes, she had that sexy purr to her voice to.

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