Spread it!
I’m sitting in my therapist’s office. I tell her about a recent date, and she asks if it’s the same international guy I mentioned during our last session. It’s not. “Sounds like you don’t have any problem meeting men,” she says with raised eyebrows.” She’s right; I don’t. I think it’s the sex factor. A male friend I’ll call Stan once gave me the inside scoop: “Men get the impression that you’re an easy lay because you’re so outgoing and boisterous. Then they quickly realize that you’re not going to sleep with them and that you’re fun but you are actually a really serious person, too.”
[Excerpt from my sex/dating blog column at Nerve mag today. Continue reading.]
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Wish I had a date life…:(
Enjoy!
I believe that when we meet that new and interesting person, we automatically project onto them all the qualities we seek in a mate. However, as we learn more about them and that information goes against what we want to believe there are only two outcomes: denial or progression. Luckily, you seem to be progressing.
You may feel that this pattern is destroying your dating life, but I would very much disagree. What you are doing is being true to yourself and not compromising for someone that can only fill half your glass. Sex without an intellectual connection is just casual sex; there is no *passion*.
Sexuality is a great way to bring people together initially, but it cannot hold them together in and of itself. If you did settle for that, I imagine it would be something like keeping an animal caged.
Don’t mean to be long-winded… but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention all the men and women in the opposite position; who have many intellectual relationships, but no real sexual existence or identity.
Being blessed with both, looks and smarts, is nothing to take for granted!
Sounds like you made great strides this past week. I could have told you all this (as a long-time reader and someone who was similar to this before I met my fiance’), but it’s something you have to recognize on your own before you will be willing to do something about it. I have no doubt you’ll figure it all out in time.
I must commend you for opening up the way you have lately to us. I almost wonder if your newfound ability to let us into the “scary places” in your mind is what is slowly allowing you to recognize and want to conquer them?… Keep it up, FBC! I’m proud of you. :o)
I think what he’s saying is
” don’t let your dick run your life”—Mr. Wizard from DC CAB
i’m with wonderlove. i so envy you americans and your dating system.
@ Wonderlove: I’m having fun with it as I go. Kind of frustrated by all of “first” dates, and it’d be nice to move along to something a little deeper.
@ Whatever-you-want-it-to-be: For the record, I want your name to be Paul. Can we do that? Can we make you “Paul / WYWITB.” Or, of course, if you’re a woman, we can make you “Paula.” … On on a completely different note, I think you’re SOOOOO on the money. Yeah, it feels like I’m destroying my dating life. But a part of me *does* realize I’m weeding out people who don’t fit me well in order to make room for those who do.
@ AmyD: My friends say the same thing. But, I guess I never saw it for myself. And it’s not possible to improve a pattern if you don’t realize that you’re doing it in the first place … Hmmm … You ask a question … [paraphrasing] “Is your newfound ability to let us into the “scary places” in your mind is what is slowly allowing you to recognize and want to conquer them?” Dunno. Possibly.
@ dkzone: Very poetic. I love it! :)
@ Carolina Pereira: Ooooh, trust me. You sooooo don’t wanna import the American dating life. I lived and worked in Europe for a number of years. You guys have it pretty good over there — what with all of those charmingly sweet / awkward /self conscious boys on that side of the pond. They’re great. ;)
I think you touch on something very important here.
I consider myself, as many women today do, an intelligent, worldly, savvy woman. A woman who’s not stuck in the dark ages, a woman who thinks she knows what to look for in a man. A woman just too fabulous to suffer fools.
And yet, despite being an intelligent, worldly, savvy woman, it would appear I still don’t know how to pick ‘em (insert any number of ex-boyfriend horror stories here).
I haven’t totally figured this one out either…but in my case it’s usually a case of me thinking with the wrong parts.
You’re certain not alone; I’m in that camp and others are as well.
Well if you want to try something different it should make all the difference, Use online personals, love calculator create blogs, dating forums. Online 3D dating community for falling in love. Its like match,youtube and myspace all in one and more.
Thanks for the “tip.”