Cougars and Cubs: Older Women, Younger Men
March 21st, 2008 ·
Is it true — as the guys in this video claim — that all boys fantasize about older women? “As a kid [...] you naturally are attracted to an older female. You wanna bone your teacher. You wanna bone your best friend’s mother. You wanna bone, you know, the woman across the street … you know what I mean … secretly when her husband’s at work. You kind of have these natural fantasies.”
Heeeeeeere, little cubbies. Wanna come out and play? As many of you know, my “engagement” to Sweet-Faced, Bearded Kid is off. So, here’s what I’ve been thinking. Is it time for this fit 30-something cougar to find a new , spry, 20-something boytoy? Maybe. Maybe not. In any case, I saw the video above over at current.com.
Remember this photo? I created it for a previous post on urban cougars almost a year ago. Lots of interesting feedback and comments on that one. Now that there are a few new folks on the blog, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are you a cougar or a cub? Do you tend to date older or younger or exactly within your age range? And, why?
Related posts:
The Manly Men of Yelp.com
Urban Cougars and their Young Boytoys
March 21st, 2008 ·
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Hi, I'm 
maybe one tends to love teaching how to trip the light
fantastic the right way….. but, with women on younger
men… the guys love it ’cause the women come sans
baggage and they know just what they want and the young guys DON’T need those funny BLUE pills…while with olds guys and young birds…. the birds are not afraid
to try new and fun things…. and they really dont ask
dumb questions like….” just what those blue things
you’re taking…”
lamesabassman…… strong… like bull…
This is definitely true!
Personally, I wasn’t attracted to older women when I was a kid, but I did have a thing for the 20-something teachers when I was in middle school.
Though I have to say… in the 5th grade, all my friends wanted to do my mom. It’s totally an expression of the Oedipus complex. At home, they have the father figure to fear, but not with someone else’s mom.
I’m going to be 26 in a couple months and I tend to go for 24-36 year old women. I generally don’t find much interest in the younger ones.
here’s the thing- if I plan to just “hit it and quit it” age doesn’t matter.
But if and when I look for a lasting relationship, he has to be around my age or older. 1- I’m not looking to play teacher… I need someone who is up to speed and knows who he is, and who remembers where he was when JR Ewing was shot. 2- I have kids to think about, and am 85%, no 95% sure I don’t want any more kids, so I need someone who’s like “eh- I already have kids and don’t want anymore” or “I’m too old and set in my ways to have kids”
OK, in the video:
Blonde cougar on the left who did all the talking: Articulate and attractive.
Blonde cougar on right who said nothing: waaaay too much facial surgery. Creepy and disturbing.
I agree with Jaded (minus the part about kids because I have none).
Younger men annoy me.
I do, however, have crushes on two of my just-turned-nineteen employees.
Purely physical though.
They still annoy me.
I have a boyfriend who just turned 40. I’m almost 43. Best sex I ever had, because I’m at a point in my life where I know just how to explain what I want/ need and he is very willing to comply. I have previously dated only men older than me.
But I’m thinking it’s almost played out, for other reasons, so… oh well. Maybe I can find me a nice 39 year old.
@ lamesabassman: Ah, the little blue pills.
@ AkA “Paul”: Rock on with your cougar lovin!!! :)
@ The Jaded NYer: GREAT comment. And, for the record, I know exactly where I was when JR got shot!!! :)
@ Baba Doodlius: You are FUNNY!!! And, yeah, I agree that the chick on the left is waaaay hotter than the other one.
@ Desiree: Y’all need to talk to my friend “Bro.” She’s really disgusted by younger men, too. I was at her house for lunch the other day, and I was like, “Oooh, did you see my blog post today?” She was like, “um, no.” Damn my friends for not reading my blog. But, anyway, I showed up the video and her face transformed to reflect her disgust. She really can’t stand younger men.
@ Carly: I love you!!! Seriously, one of the many reasons why I love FBC readers is this: they come in all shapes, sizes, color, forms, ages, etc. Some have kids. Some don’t. Some are in their late teens. And some, like you, are rockin the 40s. I love it. And, I totally agree with you about sex getting better with age!
I agree w/what u say… Men usually like older women: but until they’re 50!! After that they go for college girls!
I like guys that are 2-3 years older than me. My ex is actually 4 years older, still: immature and childish!! I did date once a guy that was 6 months younger than me and it was OK. It depends on the guy, huh?
Hey, thanks for the postcard! It was really cute! I can’t believe your site will be 3 yrs old soon!! congrats!
Thanks for the congrats!! :) And, yeah, I agree kinda with you on the older men / younger women thing. :)
Man this post brings back memories.
Thanks for the sentimentalism FBC (Funky Brown Cougar).
I’m actually gonna be a little ballsy and do a post about cunnilingus techniques… yes despite the fact that I’m a guy. Those kitties taught me a-plenty and it’s my duty to share.
well…. paul…. if ya gonna do a piece on the slice of life..
share it well…. ’cause if ya do it the right way… doors will
open and manna will fall from the heavens….. for that is
the one thing that all women love to have done to them..
the right way…… make them smile and move…. and your
mindline number will be put on speed dial…. but… if you
dont make the earth MOVE…. you will be dropped like a
very bad habit…… many are called , but few are chosen….. and I am … the chosen one…. I put more
lights out than Con Ed….. so … please do so…. and let
me know when it’s done…. can’t wait to read it…
lamesabassman…… to the left … to the left…..
Dude, thats deep! I wish I could write freestyle prose that well. “I put more lights out than Con-Ed” HAHA!
Yea it’s done, though I’m sure I missed a couple things.
@ AkA “Paul”: That outta be interesting.
@ lamesabassman: Good point.
@ Aka “Paul”: Don’t encourage him! ;)
at times….. am a hard habit to break….. but … the good
side…. am booked solid on Saturday nights…. Fridays …
I bowl…..
lamesabassman…… am busy ….. sorry…
and…. FBC….. I can improve your wattage….. but… that
would be one for the ages….. motor skills….. wont need
none when done….. it would take 3 days for the smile to
fade….
lamesabassman…… service with a smile.. 2 last a while..
Just want to make a point that +/- 3-4 years does not make any difference when you are 30 or 40. So Carly do not claim that you are a cougar cuz in my book u r dating a man your own age.
Nat: 6 months younger?!!! That’s crazy. You probably overstepped all your boundaries to do that. Did u?
Im 25 and in my case i’ve dated or had intercourse with women from 18-38. If you are talking about experience in bed I guess older one have more and sex has more veriety in it. However, you cannot substitute youth that younger girls have. They have a smooth skin, tight body, and naturally smell so good.
Jonathan… so do the 30-somethings =) And black women always have that nice, oily skin. Especially when they get older.
Hahaa! Nice topic.
In my teens I was (mentally) ready to fuck any woman under 40 and fantasized about it twice daily or more until… it almost actually happened (long story involving a tanning bed, long glances, unhidden erections). Last time I saw her (now 50+) she still looked hot.
These days, at 40, I like em young, tight, horny, open, experimental, baggage-less and naive (the kind that makes you wonder ‘when did I stop looking at the world like this, there’s so much to do, see and try!’).
Alas, both then and now, fantasy rarely meets reality.
The cougar thing worked until my early 30’s, but biggest age difference in relationship was merely 26 vs 34. When that clock started ticking, I was outta there.
first off CONGRATS on the blog birthday!!! is good to drop in after sooo long! whats strange is that something’s just begun with a guy who’s 26 - i turned 29 last week! and i’m amused at reading this @ this very time! i’m wondering if we’ll play it through - or i’ll never date him again!??!!
I’ve always enjoyed the company of a ” woman of a certain age”
They are far more liberated and less pretentious. Oral from an experienced woman is a treat. Did i mention they like anal?…..also an acquired taste. And here is the cherry topper……they aren’t worried about what you think. they are more concerned with how good the sex is and if there will be more.
@ lamesabassman: Congrats on your Saturday night successes!!
@ Jonathan: Wow … “Carly do not claim that you are a cougar” and “You probably overstepped all your boundaries” … Where does all of your anger / unhappiness come from? :(
@ Aka “Paul”: Okay, what’s with this “black women always have that nice, oily skin” stuff??? Tell THAT to the reader who left on comment on here telling me, “you need moisturizer.” :) Yeah, I don’t think our skin is any more or less dry / oily than anyone elses. :)
@ errorboy: Okay, so, we need to have drinks! I wanna hear the story about the sexy 50 year old.
@ Tartrazina: THANKS!!! :) Seeee, I read your mind. I *knew* there’d be an older woman / younger man combo reading this soon! ;)
@ dkzone: Sounds like you’ve had more than one experience with an older woman …
You’re the first black chick that ever told me that =)
Well, there you go! Learn something new every day, no? ;)
I don’t need to be drunk to tell the story. It may actually be safer if I’m not ;-)
Re: oily brown women
Yup, they do happen to age a whole lot better than those wrinkly whites, which is why I picked one of those up.
FBC: i dunno. from somewhere.
Going back to the topic. I had a great date with a girl yesterday night. I didnt know her age but I thought that she is around 28. I was soo surprized when she revealed her age which was 37! She looked so great and i would never give her that much. I think u just need to be open minded and good things will happen. I think I still prefer young girls but it is nice to have veriety from time to time. :)
it’s ” women of a certain age”
and yes i have frequented a few local suburban bars at 1130 on a weeknight…….That’s where they apear. usually sitting in a corner of the bar sipping a cosmo. They have the “thousand yard stare” as they think of something far away…maybe a past lover, maybe why she has 5 different flavors of ice cream in her fridge even though she’s perpetually on a diet…..
Then the subtle notice, and acknowledgement of the notice.
Now let me clarify….The cougar in the bar usually falls into 3 categories
1. The woman who misses the romance, and is looking for a little light conversation.
2. The bitter cougar….she got screwed in the divorce and never got over it. Most people mistake it for PMS, but pms doesn’t last for 5 years. She’s sitting alone for a reason…..
3. The hungry cougar. She’ll talk to you and by the second drink she’s thinking in the back of her head if she can get laid and get home before the babysitter gets pissed off. usually she just ends up “making out” in the parking lot. But if your skills are on point…she’ll deliver the goods…..and if your skills are REALLY on point… you’ll see her again. ;)
dk- Man, that first paragraph sounds like the perfect setup for a harlequin romance!
@ errorboy: You’re something special!
@ Jonathan: Glad you had a great date!!! :)
@ dkzone: You should soooooo write for one of the nudie mags!!! :)
@ Aka “Paul”: I know!! Love it, right?
I’ve probably read enough erotica to probably be able to write some stuff…been reading about sex since i picked up my first porno mag at age 9
;)
You saw your first porno mag when you were 9?? :) Man, I guess I got a *late* start! :)
Just found your blog. Love it. Check out Atlanta Cougar’s wild kingdom at http://cougarswildkingdom.blogspot.com
Welcome to the blog, and thanks for the link. LOVE your profile image of the dude wrapped around that woman’s legs. :)
Yes. Lifelong. In fact, American Pie kind of was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, cougars were suddenly less reticent to date; on the other hand, bros were out in force, and the whole seduction that attracted me was replaced by a MILF porno angle (which isn’t implicitly bad, it just became the dominant MO and harder to find that unique, cerebral connection I wanted first).
Anyway, I had a few dates, a few good times, and learned many of them are crazy and/or Republican. So be warned.
I’m always a little nervous talking about the experiences I’ve had with older women because there is definitely a code of secrecy maintained about such things. But despite our society’s general messages of denial and disapproval, these relationships are happening, and a lot. They are just being kept secretive for the most part. In my case the experiences have all been incredibly positive and enriching. In every experience I have had, even those in which it was clear the woman was looking for little more than a boy toy, I always felt valued and well treated. I’m not sure that is always (or even usually) the case when a younger woman gets involved with an older man. Mature women, on the other hand, generally seem to take better care of everyone and everything around them, even their toys. It just seems to be part of their nature. Any thoughtfulness, respect and consideration that’s directed at them is responded to in kind. It makes for a very strong bond potentially.
I don’t know. I’m kinda on the fence about the whole age thing. Frankly, in this day and age, I don’t think it MATTERS, but for the sake of Internet chit-chat, I’ll say that I’ve had relationships with a woman older than me by 12(!) years and women younger than me by six years. (I’m currently 34.)
My two worst relationships were with the one older than me by 12 years and one the same age as me.
My two best relationships were with one the same age as me and the one younger than me by six.
/shrug
Go figure.
@ Brenz: Whaa? Cougars are crazy? :)
@ Mark: There IS a “code of secrecy” about it.
@ Andy: Go figure is right! :) FWIT, I’ve had 11 years older and 6 years younger; that’s as “far” away from my age that I’ve ever strayed.
Hey. If a chick can keep herself in shape that long, more power TO her! :D
There are enough chicks that look horrific @ 25 that if she’s 40 and still struttin’ her stuff and is attractive, cool and fun to hang out with, ya gotta recognize a diamond in the rough & Act Like You Know! ;)
I wanna be a diamond in the rough!! Every day, I ask myself, “Am I more like Tina Turner today than I was yesterday.” I soooo wanna rock her legs when I’m her age!!! :)
Just read a great story on well-known cougars
http://www.nypost.com/pagesixmag/issues/20080810/Trend+Field+Guide+Cougars
THANKS for that link!!!!! :) Reading the article now!
My YM is 15 yrs my junior, I am his first OW - our relationship is going on 4+ yrs and keeps getting better. And thanks to the younger women generally looking sloppy and fat I have no trouble keeping his attention and interest. Not to mention that of other YM. :)
ROCK it woman, ROCK IT!!! :) I’m still looking for a hot little cub of my own.
What is needed is a serious effort to organize Cougars & Cubs. An exhaustive web search comes up at most with porn sites of unobtainable OW. If heavy set and little people can have their own thing, why can’t those who do truly enjoy being with someone outside of our age group. BTW- In my last affair with a Cougar, the age difference was no less than 23 years. She never told me exactly how old she was.
I’m just happy to see all of the people who are not willing to be judged or stereotyped have beautiful radiant smiles and fun… You know what they say - life is not a dress rehersal - so have fun and stop worrying what everyone else thinks!
Great post!
@ palmbeachblk: Try http://www.urbancougar.com
@ Michelle: GREAT POINT!! Life is waaaay too short to worry about other people’s drama. :)
I have to say that I agreed alot with the attractive blonde on the left in the cougar video - they make a big deal out of older women and younger men having any kind of relationship together. The truth of the matter is I have found that younger men make me feel younger and they seem to be better lovers because they want to make an impression on an older woman and I think they strive harder to please you in a lot of aspects not just sexually. The facts are that a younger man and an older women’s sex drives are compatible with one another and provided they enjoy each other’s company and depending on what each other’s goals are in life - things can work if you both want them to. I know people that have made it work. I have known older men that play just as many games as some of the younger guys so I think it just comes down to what each person wants in their life. I love younger men and hope that one of these days I find me one that is looking for a relationship and finds fulfillment in an older woman in all aspects of a relationship. I think some people view being a “cougar” is just from a sexual standpoint and I do not see it that way at all.
I agree. :) Younger men usually make better lovers.
I love YM. My ex boyfriend and I just broke up though (10 yrs my jr) because I am looking for a serious relationship and he is still ‘finding himself’. To be clear, I told him when we started dating that I was done with boy toys and wanted something serious. He said he did too. I suppose that is one of the drawbacks. YM are great if you’re only looking for sex. I’m 37. I DO want the sex, but I also want some committment. Most YM are NOT looking for a steady relationship. Sigh.
Having just separated from my husband of 15 years (whose also 3 years younger than me), I am ALL about younger men! Though I’m 36, they seem to be the men that approach (maybe being I act like a big kid). Maybe its the vibe I put off, I’m certainly NOT looking for a serious relationship - playing around is fine with me ;-)
Also, in the area where I live, most men my age are married with children. They’re not going out or doing social things on the weekends. They’re home. Which is fine with me :)
I recently started seeing a younger man. I am 45 he is 24. Although it was a great boost for my ego….I am finding that this younger man is quite the game player. I wonder if you toddlers out there think that just because we older gals are single that we are stupid and desperate and will tolerate childish behavior. What is coming to mind is a saying….A great penis on a stupid man only makes him a big dick. Am I wrong here?
I am 45 and date younger men typically. I have no desire to marry again, I am financially secure and do not need a man to take care of me but I also am not looking to take care of someone else or be their teacher. I like younger men, typically early to mid 30’s, because there are more available men in that age group, many do not have kids or ex-wives and they are interesting and vibrant and sexy. I find younger men like me because I have taken care of myself (think of the woman on the left side of the video), I am not trying to marry them or figure out how to get them to have a child with me. Some men are highly attracted to successful women and those men are usually very successful themselves and are not looking for a sugar mama, which I would never be anyways. They like that I am independent, well traveled, intelligent and sexually open.
Oh, and I would like to address the stereotype of “cougars” prowling for vulnerable younger men. I think that is insulting to younger men. Just because someone is younger than me does not mean they are victims or not an adult. I know I did not appreciate being treated like that in my 20’s and 30’s.
I have always dated and had sex with women lot older than myself. I do prefer older women as they are more mature and also the sex is great.
Ok .. good stories, most of which I agree with but I need feedback. I recently broken up with my cub (or my lil bumble bee diaper bag as I lovingly called him) about a month ago. Being the older more mature one, you would think I could shake the lost and move on. I am married with kids with a great professional life. This busy little bumble bee came buzzing into my life and stung me in all the right places (places I was not getting at stung at home and places I didn’t know could be stung) and I completely lost all sense of what was right. I felt more his age than mine. He made me feel alive sexually, physically and mentally! He was pollinating a flower 12 yrs older but dag was the nectar sweet. This flower had new blooms every day. I have actually known him since his childhood and we were friends. He and my brothers grew up together and we ran into each other about 4 yrs ago and one thing lead to another. This has been the best but worst 4 yrs of my life. The things he did for me sexually at my age completely turned me into his slave. I did more for him that I did for myself or my family. He was truly a friend first then he became my lover but I also always felt like a mother figure to him too. Here is the catch… because I was married, he never wanted to stop seeing other women and I tried real hard to accept that. He also was very spoiled and self centered plus mean and heartless at times. We had agreements and fights just like a true couple and in so many way he treated, used and made me feel like his wife. We saw each other every day, good and/or bad days. For 4 yrs I put up with him filling up other bee hives with his (my) honey and I still catered to his every every every need. I gave him anything and everything but I felt I needed to because I was married and I didn’t want to lose that feeling he gave me (in so many mind blowing ways). Then one day the you know what hit the fan and he crossed the line by disrespecting my in front of one of his flings. I guess I was fed up and tired of his mind games and lost it. I went left field on him and made sure all the hives he had been buzzing knew about each other. I blew his game out of the water. Remember I was also the mother figure that would not leave him in his mind so I knew about all of the rest, they just didn’t know about me. I walked away but I have been miserable since. My husband found out about it all but in spite of it, we are still together but I spend every minute of eavry day and night wishing and wanting him back. So tell me, how am I 2 old 2 b 2 foolish?
I think that maybe all (straight) men have fantasized about an older woman at least once in their lives. The seductive goddess thing is hard to ignore.
Getting along with a woman is a whole different story, though. Older or not, any woman who is comfortable enough with herself to be honest with ME, gets all sorts of kudos, even if we don’t “kick it”.
If I had to explain my attraction to an older woman, I would have to say it’s because I can appreciate anyone wise enough to show me something I didn’t already know, whatever that may be. ;)
I am 44 yrs old and look at least 10 yrs younger or more. I have been having younger men hitting on me for about 10yrs. The youngest just recently being 19. I would date men my own age, however they are off chasing the 18 to 20 year olds. Or the ones older then me that hit on me are boring as hell and sometimes remind me of my father, what a sexual turn off.
With the exception of my first boyfriend, I have dated younger men for my entire life. Now in my mid-40s, I am frequently told I look no more than 30 by young guys. They like me, I like them. And I (like Demi) am currently dating a guy that is 15 years my junior.
I prefer younger men for some of the same reasons written above. Less baggage (no ex-wives and alimony to complain about), they are more flexible in their attitudes about sex and everything else, they are fun and their bodies are firm and hard in all the right places. I work out in the gym frequently and make sure I keep it together. I want a man that looks as good as I do and that keeps me satisfied and laughing.
And I agree with the statement that maturity is not associated with age. Not at all! Many older cats have some of the most ridiculous maturity problems and stereotypes about women. It really gets on my nerves. The younger guys I’ve come across are mature, accomplished, educated, and have their crap together. They all WANT to date older women and report having little to nothing in common with females their age.
And though I do get tired of hearing about T-Pain and Little John, I’d still rather hear that and dance the night away than be stuck at home listening to some older dude guy whine about his back pain and indigestion. lololol!!
If I were single, I’d probably go for a younger guy. It’s funny when they hit on you and I get a boost from it. At nearly 35, I don’t think I’m old, but when some hot 18-25 year-old is flirting with you, it’s adorable even if nothing comes out of it.
Well Im married to a great guy 20 years younger than me and its going great. We fit together better than I ever did with guys my own age. Mind you there are so many people out there that think it wrong but hey we are happy and get along and its great you should try it.
@ texasgirl: Ooooh, several of the women here have said that. “YM are great if you’re only looking for sex.” Wonder what the younger men think about that.
@ Christie: Exactly!! If you’re an energetic 30-something woman, younger men are the way to go. :)
@ Taresa Nantt: Yeah, there was quite a big age gap between the two of you. Maybe he seemed immature because he really didn’t have the same life experience?
@ Tammy T: You said younger men are “interesting and vibrant and sexy.” Yes, yes and yes!! :) And KUDOS to you for being straight about the stereotype younger men are victims of older women.
@ Ryan: Do you live in New York? :)
@ 2 old 2 b foolish: Wow! Amazing story. Sounds like that was A LOT to go through. :( Hope everything turned out okay in the end. At the moment, it sounds like things are going better.
@ Nate: And, you? Do you live in New York, too? :)
@ Deborrah and @ Kelly: I am *LOVING* on all the older women with the younger boyfriends. You GO girls!!!
@ starkitty50: Oooh, I knooooow!!! I’m such a sucker for younger men who hit on me. I totally swoon and wiggle my “come hither” finger toward them. ;)
@ Midnights Unicorn: Fuck what other people think. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. :)
Jonathan you said this “Im 25 and in my case i’ve dated or had intercourse with women from 18-38. If you are talking about experience in bed I guess older one have more and sex has more veriety in it. However, you cannot substitute youth that younger girls have. They have a smooth skin, tight body, and naturally smell so good.”
Are you trying to say that older women don’t smell good??? I am 40 and I smell great in all ways!
I found that comment a bit offensive to older women.
I sorta like being cougariffic. Young guys I noticed can be funny and serious too. I usually went for guys older than me by say 3 - 4years but all they wanted was a trophy and a sex slave. But with my young in it’s an adventure in bed and not do as you are told and he worships me (I love it), of course the age diff ain much (2years) and you have to be careful not to end up mothering him…
[...] I like dating younger men. [...]
I am currently getting involved with a 33 year old woman and I am 24. It has it’s ups and downs. I don’t like the fact that I have to share her time with her kid…and deal with drama from her ex from long ago…We haven’t even talked sexual yet(which is unusual for me in my relationships because I always have a sexual undertone), maybe it’s because she’s not as mystified by sex as my previous young girlfriends…which makes it so much more erotic when I slip in an innuendo and she brushes it off…I feel like she has a confidence that younger girls don’t. I like she’s waiting to take me to the play ground and give me a treat. I know she wants to ride my young bone just as bad as I want her to use some of her masterful ballet skills to satisfy me. The fact that she is in great shape impresses me so much, it takes a lot to stay in shape after having a kid. You know damn well she’ll feel good knowing she can take it from me and put me to bed. She’ll look at me sleep and smile knowing that she just fully satisfied someone almost ten years younger than her. It’s so exciting and different. I’m sick of dealing with little girls who play confused all the time.
I used to exclusively date men at least 4-5 years older than me. Now I find that they can’t quite keep up with me. Ahem! So I have certainly set my sights a little younger but I won’t go more than 5 years younger (for anything more than a fling) because I find our references are too different. On the plus side, they can definitely keep it in gear.
By the way, T, you’ve been TAGGED! Visit my blog at http://www.patranila.blogspot.com
@ Buni: You tell him!! And, yes, plenty of older women have smooth skin and tight bodies, too. :)
@ Ebene: Ah, cougariffic. LOVE that word. :)
@ Tim: Good for you! Sounds like you’ve found someone you like and she likes you? That’s always fun.
@ Patranila: Younger men are AWESOME!! :)