Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

How I Date Safely Online

I’m single, therefore I date. Sometimes, I date online. I have a Nerve Personals account. (I boycotted eHarmony on principle because I thought they were anti-gay and had a limited view of who’s an acceptable smooching partner.) I’ve also tried Match, Lavalife, Salon and others. Anyway, after years of trial and error, I’ve gained a few insights and charted my own rules of the road when it comes to internet hookups and boyfriend hunting. A couple of you emailed me to ask, basically, “What are some safety tips for online dating sites?” I can’t say what works for everyone; here are five points that work for me:

1. I ignore guys who don’t post photos. Here’s a scenario: I post a pic. The guy doesn’t, but he still emails me and expects me to contact him. Maybe he’s ugly? Maybe he’s married or dating and doesn’t want to run the risk of being “discovered” online? Whatever the case, I’m not contacting him. Internet dating is already shady enough. Who needs random, faceless strangers?
2. I always go with my gut. Can’t really explain this one any more than that. Basically, if I get the feeling that something is off or not quite right about a guy, I trust my intuition.
3. I perform background checks. Facebook, MySpace, Uber, LinkedIn and every other social networking site (and blogs!) are making the small world even smaller. I google the shit out of everyone I date. If someone’s legit, their name, alias, or email address has an online trail somewhere. So, if I do a search and nothing comes up, I take it as a sign that the guy keeps his online persona completely separate from his offline life. Translation: he may be hiding something.
4. I stay really vague. I don’t really owe the guys that I meet online anything up front. If I don’t wanna give up personal information, I don’t. I’m a pro at two things in this area: (a) dodging questions from strangers and (b) kindly telling people when they’ve overstepped my boundaries:

DUDE: So, where do you live?
ME: I’m in the city. How about you?
DUDE: I live in Brooklyn. I used to live in Williamsburg, but then I moved to Fort Greene. Hey, I once saw Rosie Perez walking her dog. That was cool. Anyway, so, I moved again and now I’m over on the other end of Flatbush. I live at 200 Eastern Parkway now. Great area … Wait, where did you say you live?
ME: [smiles, touches dude’s knee under the table] I didn’t.

5. I assume every first online date is a serial killer until they prove themselves differently. Would I meet a serial killer alone in his home? No. Would I tell a serial killer where I worked and lived? Nuh-uh. Would I get into a car alone with a serial killer? No. You get the point. I try to temper Point #5 with Points #2 and #3 so that I don’t come across as I paranoid freakshow. (One could argue that I still come across as a paranoid freakshow anyway. But, that’s fine. I’m okay with that.)

So, that’s all sweeties. How about the rest of you? How often have you dated online? Do you have any additional points, suggestions, advice or funny stories that you’d like to add? If so, stick ‘em in the comments section.

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Photo credit: Image of lovely, dovey frogs is from Bruno Sersocima in Goiânia, Goias, Brazil.

Technorati Tags: Bruno Sersocima, eharmony, internet safety, Lavalife.com, Match.com, online dating, Salon.com

April 30th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [16] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Interracial Dating: The Brown Chick Who Sometimes Dates White Dudes

Rewind to the weekend. I’m out with my friends Ify (African), Rochelle (black American) and Suja (Indian American?) — three brown women originally from different continents. At the end of the night, Suja has the brilliant idea to stop by Insomnia Cookies. Dependable, late night delivery and take out desserts. Delicious smells. Even more delicious tastes. How could you not love that place?! When it’s my turn to order, I choose a chocolate chip cookie with walnuts. “What kind of milk do you want with that?” the Latino guy behind the counter upsells me. “I like my milk like I like my men,” I joke. “White with no fat.” Bursts of laughter erupt from the three women in my group. The Latino cookie dealer doesn’t crack a smile. “He’s not touching that one with a ten foot pole,” Rochelle laughs. She knows I’m joking. The dude gives us our treats. We eat them. We go home. That random conversation doesn’t enter my mind again until I see a reader named Larry’s comment about yesterday’s Manly Monday pick.

Do all of your Manly Monday picks [have to be] white guys? Do you only date white guys? I am not criticizing, I am just curious if you do only date white guys. Does that make you racist towards other races of men? That is the topic of my podcast/blog this week so I am trying to get your input.
[redacted URL]

Oooh, interracial dating! I can talk about that shit for hours. But, before we go there, I wanna set the record straight about Manly Mondays just in case I have new FBC readers who may not already know this stuff:

1. I love men, so I created Manly Monday to give them a nod. All of them. :) Some MM picks are white (recently: Laird Hamilton and Paul Walker). Others — such as Lewis Hamilton, Denzel, Barack Obama, Morgan Freeman [shared with Casey Affleck for Gone Baby Gone], Stroger, and others — are not. And, as I mentioned the other day, the next Manly Monday is gonna be a sexy celebration of Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.
2. The spirit of MMs is a celebration of every Y chromosome thing, not just particular men. Foxtrot your eyeballs to the right. You’ll notice many popular Manly Monday posts are about general guy stuff such as “How to Hide an Erection,” “Should Men Wear Thongs?” and other lovely topics about the bedicked.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s move to a different subject. The personal stuff. The “do you only date white guys” stuff. (Pssst! I’ve already covered this here and here if you want more details …)

I’ve kissed, licked, sucked and bedded many sexy, delicious white dudes. Hell, I once told a French Canadian ex that I was gonna buy him a box of chocolate-covered cherries “to remember me.” I pictured him using his pink lips to apply pressure to the soft, brown candy’s shell until it gently opened — oozing sweet juices down his chin & revealing the soft, round cherry hidden inside. He liked the visual on that one.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah … White dudes. Do I date them exclusively? Nope. I have a very loooong, extensive dating history. I’m not seeing anyone exclusively right now, but I’ve gone out with: white, black, Latino, Jewish, Middle Eastern, etc. etc. men.

“So, funky brown,” some of you might say. “If you don’t only date white guys, what was with the milk joke at Insomnia Cookies?”

Honestly? Shock value. (Juvenile, I know.) I was with a group of amazing women. It was the end of the night. We were tipsy. I was feeling a little punchy; so, I wanted to put the dude behind the counter on his toes. For better or worse, the topic of interracial dating still has that effect.

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RELATED MEDIA:

Who gets down with the funky brown? Everybody. :) FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com readers are fiercely loyal and steadily growing in number. I love my readers! Approximately 72% are really cool peach folks (there are more peach people online), and the site attracts about twice the internet average for brown people. Asian, Latino and international visitors are steady regulars at the party, too. Full disclosure? Getting down with the funky brown has universal appeal, baby! :)

RELATED BOOK CHOICE OF THE DAY:

RELATED LINK OF THE DAY:

Loving Day: Celebrate the legalization of interracial couples.

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Photo credit: The ever-fabulous brown American photographer in the Netherlands, Rachel James, took the milk and cookies photo.

Technorati Tags: black women, chocolate-covered cherries, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Insomnia Cookies, interracial dating, Rachel James, Rainbow Fucking Queen, white dudes

April 29th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [42] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday Pick: Laird Hamilton

The dude in the water is Laird Hamilton. As you may know, we pay a homage the beautifully bedicked creatures of the earth on Manly Mondays … except when we do it on Tuesday or Wednesday; then, it’s either a Testicle Tuesday or Wanker Wednesday, respectively. But, whatever. Back to the flavor of the day. The dude in the water. I didn’t see or smell an ocean for the first time until I took a debut springtime trip to New York and moved to Los Angeles when I was 20. It sounds kind of stupid to say it, but I couldn’t really wrap my brain around the idea that the water was as deep as seven miles below eye level and extended its touch as far as Europe and Asia. I’ve lived in waterside places ever since: Chicago (Lake Michigan), Amsterdam (the Amstel), London (River Thames) and in Florida — as long as you’re in the state, you’re never more than an hour away from the deep blue.

I think the folks who use thin boards to walk on water are hot. Laird Hamilton didn’t invent surfing, ancient Polynesian cultures can claim that credit. Yet, this haole’s contributions to surfing — and crossover board sports in general — can’t be overstated. When I think about it, Laird’s been in water longer than I’ve been on the planet. Crazy, huh? Anyway, discover him on your own by checking out his website, reading his Wikipedia entry or watching films like riding GIANTS. Big, drippy kisses go out to Vivicca Whitsett. She was the inspiration for today’s Manly Monday pick. She posted the YouTube clip below on my Facebook Fun Wall. Surfers PLUS soccer players? The sight was so beautiful I almost fainted. Seriously. I almost fucking fainted. In any case, I thought I’d share it with the group in case any of you out there like surfers and soccer players too. Enjoy!

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Photo credit: Image in today’s post appears online at Laird’s website. Check out his photo gallery. He’s hot. ;)

Technorati Tags: Amsterdam, Chicago, crossover board sports, Facebook, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, funny commercials, haole, Hawai'i, Laird Hamilton, London, Pepsi, riding GIANTS, soccer players, surfers, surfing, Vivicca Whitsett, Wikipedia

April 28th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [5] folks got down with the Funky Brown

AOL: FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com on list of “Best Blogs”

Holy fucking shit! I just got an email from AOL. Naturally, I assumed it was spam or something like that. “Why,” I wondered, “would AOL contact me?” Well, it turns out they placed my site, FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, on their AOL Blackvoices “The Best of Black Blogs” list currently available here. Wow. I don’t know what to say. “We search through the best black blogs and other great sites to bring you the hottest one-liners about African-American celebrity gossip and important social issues.” D-Listed’s post about Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy Huxtable), NPR News and Views writings Tavis quitting Tom Joyner Morning Show, Perez Hilton’s post about Rihanna’s back tat, Young, Black and Fabulous, the Best Week Ever Blog, Huffington Post, Racialicious, Afrobella and the guest list goes on. All of my favorite blogs were there, and I feel ridiculously honored that my funky brown chick commentary about Blasians was invited to the online party. Big, drippy kisses and THANKS go out to everyone at AOL Blackvoices.

Read the original post: Everyone ♥’s an Asian Boy. Heads up, my sweeties. I’ve got a special Manly Monday planned for May 5th, the first Monday of Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. (Sidenote: Psssst! Smooches to the folks over at Viddler for posting the dating & wine rendezvous with Gary Vaynerchuk on their “The Red Carpet” collection of videos.)

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Photo credit: Image appears online as slide 17 on Taking the Pulse of Best Blogs

Technorati Tags: Afrobella, AOL, Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, Blackvoices, blasian, blasians, Blogging, celebrity gossip, dating blogs, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gary Vaynerchuk, Huffington Post, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Perez Hilton, Racialicious, red carpet, Rihanna, tastemaker bloggers, Tavis Smiley, Tom Joyner Morning Show, Twanna A. Hines, Viddler, WLTV, Young Black and Fabulous

April 25th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [14] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Date Night Wines

Technorati Tags: date nights, dating blog, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gary Vaynerchuk, how to order wine, Wine Library TV, wines, WLTV

April 24th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

What Wine Should You Order During Your Dinner Date?

It’s a date. You’re sitting at a table topped with a crisp white covering, a set of shiny silverware and two empty glasses that sparkle by candlelight. The waiter or waitress arrives and slaps a huge leather-bound booklet of wines in front of you. Which one should you order? Order the cheapest glass (or bottle if you’re sharing), and you’ll totally look like a cheap ass. Aim for the most expensive bottle on the list, and you’ll look like a showy little schmuck. My trick? I usually pick a wine that’s exactly three price tags above the least expensive one on the list. It’s a safe bet in terms of appearances, but what if I wanna make a smart decision about quality? What if I actually wanna enjoy the wine that I select to accompany my meal? I know some of you have the same question because you’ve posed it to me via email. “Hey funky,” you ask, “what’s the best wine to order during a date?” My answer? “Hell if I know!” Fashion? Check. Dating? Got ya covered. Kissing? Check, check check all over your lovely little lips. Wine is a different story. Don’t get me wrong. I like the burgundy-colored liquid. I’m just not the “right” person to ask about matters of the grape. Gary Vaynerchuk? Yeah, that’s your man. I love my readers, so I gladly sat with Gary to discuss wine choices during dates. Video will be posted on Wine Library TV soon. In the meantime, check out Gary’s shout out to the FBC.

SIDENOTE: Love to hear from my readers. If any of you have any questions, comments, advice, suggestions or a quick shout out, feel free to contact me via the link below. And, of course, if this is your first time on FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, be sure to check out the about, FAQ and archives pages to your right.

Technorati Tags: dating blogs, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Gary Vaynerchuk, how to order wine during a date, Wine Library TV, WLTV

April 24th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Shhhh!

A few of you have emailed me with “questions.” Today, I’m going somewhere get “answers.” Details … and more “air quotes” … coming soon.  ;)

Trust me. This is gonna be fun.

April 24th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [4] folks got down with the Funky Brown

How to Write an Article

“So, how does that work?” It’s a question I’m often asked when I tell people I’m a writer. I’ve never blogged about the process of turning and idea into an article because I didn’t think folks would find the inked details particularly interesting. But, I’m learning that people like to hear the itty bitty tidbits behind the creative process. It’s kind of like watching a DVD, no? Sure, the finished film is great, but sometimes the story about its making is equally interesting.

In journalism, a pitch (also sometimes called a query letter) is basically a really short summary of an article idea sent by a writer to an editor. For example, see Marci Alboher’s pitch letter that scored her first ink in the New York Times. In 2000, Marci was a nine-year veteran lawyer and self-professed “Internet junkie” proposing to write about using the web to answer common legal problems. It was an article suggestion about a good topic sent by a qualified person to the correct editor at a suitable publication at the right time. Same holds true for many writers’ pieces.

Take my Facebook article, for example. The idea for that one came about when my friend Julia removed her dating status and accidentally blabbed to all of her online pals — including her then-boyfriend! — that the relationship was off. But, Julia wasn’t alone. Everyone around me had similarly juicy online breakups stories or knew someone who did. Also, I remembered journalist Thomas Crampton’s affair. Ooh, ooh, ooh, and plus, Facebook was in the news. People don’t read magazines to find out what happened yesterday. They read to find out what’s going on right now and what’s going to happen tomorrow — in fashion, health, technology, science, relationships, etc.

I thought an article about how Facebook is affecting our relationships would be timely, and I wanted editors to know I was the right person to write the piece. I earned a BA and an MA in the social sciences, and I’m obsessed with understanding how people related to each other. I write a blog column about my relationships for Nerve magazine. I also manage two of my own blogs and host an occasional internet radio show called Dating Roadkill. What’s more? I’ve been online since building my first webpage with straight HTML coding in 1995, and I’m addicted to social networking sites like LinkedIn and, yes, Facebook. What’s even more than that? I’m a writer who has already published a book chapter and articles about interpersonal relationships. The result? Right article. Right topic. Right person. Right time. I sent the piece to Fast Company — a kickass glossy magazine and website about (among other things) technology and innovation. They published my piece, “Is Facebook Hurting or Helping Your Relationships?” as their Valentine’s Day web exclusive.

I’m off to my writing group tonight. After that, I’ll return home to finish up a piece due tomorrow. (Will post the link once its published.) Anyway, so, there’s a random bit of “how it works” trivia for those who are interested. For those who aren’t interested, feel free to browse through the archives section to find other things of interest. I’m a fan of the open letters, New York, understanding men and understanding women categories. C’est tout! Join us again tomorrow when we return to our regularly scheduled program of dating goofdom.

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Photo credit: Patricia Fortes in Buenos Aires, Argentina

April 23rd, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [3] folks got down with the Funky Brown